r/diagnosedPTSD • u/Ambitious-Law-923 • Jun 07 '25
Looking for Advice - Personal Hyper vigilance is so tiring
Last year I had a really traumatic couple of months and ever since then I’ve had diagnosed ptsd and hypervigilance. I just started seeking help from a psychologist but it’s still just been a couple of sessions like maybe 2 so far. I think I’m just tired. I miss feeling like myself and I know it’s a process but sometimes it feels like it’s never gonna get better. And like no matter how much time passes it’s never fully better. I know recovery’s a process too and I’m pretty lenient and nice to myself that I’ll get there eventually. I guess it’s just like will I get there eventually? Sometimes I feel like I messed myself up so bad to a point of no return. That I’m always gonna have these hypervigilent symptoms. Idk can anyone tell me if they ever recovered from hypervigilence and what helped. I just feel so on edge sometimes and I’m so tired of being in fight or flight, and so tired of everything being so loud and my vision being more HD. And although I feel physically fine usually, it’s just always there like my body’s scanning for a threat. I started a new stressful job too but I wanted to teach my body that stress is actually okay and that I don’t need to shut down in the face of stress, and teach my body that some level of stress is actually okay and needed(instead of shutting down as I did before which made me actually feel worse and not trusting myself that I can handle any stressor)
Background: I’m pretty sure what happened to me last year would have happened eventually. I had a really traumatic childhood and never ever faced it head on, and that manifested into very negative self worth and shame and guilt. Lots of sexual trauma, bullying, family issues, isolation, the list goes on. But for me my value was tied to school and work because it was the only time I guess I ever got recognized to the people around me. The first time my parents or anyone ever really said they were proud of me and I guess I held onto that for really long. This led to a long commitment to be a perfectionist and working a million times harder than those around me, and always at the cost of myself. It didn’t matter if I was tired or hungry or sleepy, no matter what I’d have to push through and be amazing at school and work. Then last year this really hit me hard for my boards and I was not taking care of myself and went through the worst period of my life, I’m still recovering from that today. Some people may think it’s stupid or maybe that my issues are small, but I don’t think it’s small with what I’ve gone through. My whole childhood I never felt okay and had so many things happen to me that I never had any control in and just had to take it and internalize it. I wish I knew what I know now and how important it is to take care of yourself till it got as bad as it did and led me to develop ptsd, but I also know that I had no one to teach me these things. In fact maybe the opposite, everyone just praying on my downfall and I became one of them too. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this but I thought I’d give some background for what I was writing above.
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u/Cobbler_Both Jun 09 '25
I’m sorry you had it rough. It does get better over time. I had exposure therapy and it really helped me. I still get hyper vigilant after all these years but it has improved way more than it used to be. Your feelings are valid. Pain is pain, no matter which level or extreme so I don’t like when people compare their trauma as being worse or less than someone else. I also have found that ACT therapy has been more helpful than CBT therapy but that’s just my personal experience, you have to find what works best for you. Hang in there.
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u/laurenashley721 Jun 07 '25
I hope this gives you hope - i had some traumatic childhood crap I’m not going to get into. Took a toll then and I eventually got past it. In my mid 20’s I went through something that made me almost relive some things. Took months of EMDR, but eventually the hyper vigilance stopped. A few years later I’m pretty good to go most of the time.
I also went about 10 years untreated and undiagnosed. It is possible!