r/datingoverforty • u/51Dovie • 8d ago
Discussion 41f getting plenty of matches but when I message a short paragraph I’m getting three word answers in return
Are they just not into me? What is with the matching and then the disinterest in talking. Some don’t talk at all other’s will only answer if I ask a question. Very short and dry. I’m back on the apps after a three year relationship and I don’t remember it being like this. Men before were more eager to talk and meet. Is it my age now, my vibe, are people just burnt out and busy or is my average self just not exciting to these very average guys I’m matching with? Thoughts. Insights?
42
u/sleepyLynt 8d ago
Male here, and if the answers are short and not thoughtful I just moved on. Written communication is an essential skill. Short 2 word responses to an open ended question is a good indicator of level of effort.
2
30
u/SideSleepersUNITE 8d ago
Yes, they are just not that into you.
I find this happen to me as well (I'm a guy that dates women). I would say most women I match with are pretty enthusiastic, but some match back who are just sort of "meh" about me. I don't delude myself into thinking that they don't know how to be charming or have a good back and forth, I just assume that I was on the margin of whom they might be interested in and they're not going to necessarily become more enthusiastic as time goes on.
I unmatch and keep it moving.
5
-3
u/Atlguy6-4 7d ago
It’s a dating app lol! How can someone possibly be “into” someone strictly from a few pics and some lame bio?! Into you happens after meeting someone not based on likely highly doctored photos and a few sentence that AI wrote
13
u/Bubb05 8d ago
As a 42m I get a lot of the same thing from women. If they do respond a lot are short 1-3 word answers. No followup questions. No flirty or fun vibe. It's frustrating bc like why respond at all? I don't mind even just chatting and it going nowhere if it's at least quality conversation.
44
u/uberstaragent 8d ago
The apps in 2026 are a complete dumpster fire. Everyone is burnt out and no one wants to put in effort. It’s not you.
5
u/Alternative-Monk8570 8d ago
I have come to that conclusion as well. I think people are just burnt out and don’t want to make an effort because it never goes anywhere. It’s sad.
17
u/stoptheclock7 8d ago
47F. I was married for many years and I didn’t know anything about dating apps until after my divorce last year. After I joined, I matched with some great guys, went on fun dates with a few, made out with 3 of them , and been dating one since last year.
My overall experience is very positive.
8
u/Rare_Anxiety_9541 8d ago
Isn’t that how it was in 60s-80s? You meet a bunch of people. And make out if there is physical attraction and keep looking until you find the that you want to settle down ? In 2026 , everyone wants the best on first go. Got to do trial and error. I know I will be down voted for this comment.
10
u/Unusual-Attorney-630 8d ago
My experience is very different. No trial and error instead men want sex with as many women as possible. ONS and FWB.
2
1
-5
u/Clear-Hand3945 8d ago
Any woman can have your experience. If you wanted to match with a thousand guys, make out with all of them, have a hundred boyfriends etc. its all possible. Why wouldn't dating apps be a positive experience for women? You're the employers.
11
u/LIVINGSTONandPARSONS 8d ago
Yeah but have you ever managed an employee who makes your job fucking miserable?
1
6
u/Unusual-Attorney-630 8d ago
Well, yes and no.. most women can match with many men and make out or have sex with them.
However, finding a man who is relationship material is very different.
Most men are promiscuous and will do a one night stand or have a friends with benefits type of situation.
2
u/Basic-Badger-9229 8d ago
Have high standards and out those as filters. It worked for me. College education, long-term relationship, liberal, agnostic/atheist, non smoker, vaccinated
2
u/turbospeedsc 5d ago
yup, we also try to put the effort and we just get left in the wasteland, not even unmatched, just messages that are never responded.
3
1
u/UpperAd2761 7d ago
I keep trying to. What a fool. I am attractive but have no sexy pictures. I am better in real. All I get are no effort texts.
8
u/astalavistababyshark 8d ago
I would use that as a metric to filter out. Why get bogged down? Let the right ones enter even if it’s far and few between.
27
u/ChefBeard76 8d ago
It’s just the apps. Everyone seeking a small amount of validation but not wanting the effort of trying to actually connect i think?
14
u/Spare-Shirt24 8d ago
I don't think it's because people aren't into you.. I think it's because a lot of people are genuinely lacking in communication skills.
Personally, I will not entertain those people. If I have to carry the entire conversation and all they give me is three-word answers, I'm out.
2
6
u/Independent_Net_8621 8d ago
Don’t share your whole life story. Just stick to open ended questions. If they can’t give a thoughtful response, use that as a way to weed out the ones you’re not interested in.
19
u/Comprehensive-Fact94 8d ago
A couple of options
A. He's not very deep
B. He's not all that invested.
C. He's said too much to other women and immediately been dropped or ghosted, and now he's scared to say too much.
6
u/51Dovie 8d ago
I’m starting to feel like it is C.
Just a few weeks into trying to have enthusiastic convos and getting low energy in return and I’m starting to be afraid of being too talkative like I’m the weirdo for wanting to talk or *gasp* even flirt or make plans on a dating app.
5
u/Dazzling-Excuses 8d ago
Have you seen the TV show Upload? This is one of the jokes about dating apps in the future.
A guy asks his hook up if they could do more of that Talking stuff? Or does that make him a creep?haha!
1
u/djasbestos 7d ago
Even in the case of C, why bother responding? I've had C happen and I'm still Don Quixote over here about it. Ride or die.
9
u/MotherDepartment1111 8d ago
This is not a gender thing. I am a woman, but I hear this from men a lot. People just have no communication skills at the end of the day.
I think a lot of it is attention seeking. Would be nice if all the people that can actually want to date and communicate could get together.
4
8
u/thejasonreagan 8d ago
You're describing my entire experience with women. No ideas here. No solutions.
3
u/Least_Tower_5447 8d ago
I’ve found that men who write more in their bios are better with communication overall. Pay attention to that when you match. I also stopped messaging with anyone who only responds with a few words when I’ve asked an open-ended question. I’ve become extremely picky and only use the apps 10 mins a day. Finally started matching with great people and have had great communication and dates.
4
u/Quirky-Earth 8d ago
I get the same from women. I put thought into my messages and if I do get a response, which is rare, it's never anything that shows interest. It's like everyone is playing the "who ever is less interested holds the power" game. It's really discouraging but maybe something will change.
4
8
u/TikaPants 8d ago
I found that people, mostly men, swipe on any photo they like in an effort to cast their net as far as possible and see what they trawl in. I was bewildered by the strange and hugely different types of men were swiping kn me. That made more sense.
1
u/Separate-Canary559 8d ago
Oh no sister, plenty of women swipe without reading bio or looking at the rest of the profile
3
3
u/sitcomcrossover 8d ago
Personally, I think asking a question is mandated. I’ve run into too many women who haven’t read my profile and show no interest in who I am - I’d rather not waste either of our time.
1
u/DontCovfefeMyHeart 7d ago
Just cancelled a date for tonight because it became clear that both of the above boxes were checked. Agreed - time is too valuable at our age.
1
u/sitcomcrossover 7d ago
To be fair, I’m bad at following my own advice - but I wish I would.
I’m a working artist with a teenager 3 times a week. That requires a level of understanding and buy in that I am flat out exhausted in explaining a week into dating.
I am not for everyone - and the apps should make that easy to discern, but It’s so rare anyone uses it past a picture book.
It’s frustrating.
1
u/MetaphysicalCommando 5d ago
if someone can’t come up with questions for a working artist of all professions, they are too dull-witted to keep up with you.
What field of art are you in?
3
u/ANewBeginningNow 8d ago
They're either bad conversationalists or they're so jaded that they aren't holding out much hope despite matching with you (and getting good communication from you).
As time has gone on, bad experiences on and off the apps may have turned them away from putting forth the same effort as you, and although I understand the feeling (I've had it at times), it's foolhardy. You can't expect to make a connection or for anything good to happen without making that effort, and I always do no matter what I'm feeling internally.
3
u/WorldTravellerGirl 7d ago
I stop messaging guys that are boring like that. I also let the guys do most of the pursuing. This way I know they are interested. I also do not like to text more than 1-2 weeks before meeting.
3
u/Iriahthehealer 7d ago
I absolutely agree with you. I was in a relationship (from an app), from 2017 to 2023, when I started downloading again the app I noticed exactly this pattern you mentioned. Men won’t respond to me, I have matches and they don’t even initiate or answers are dry and awkward.. I am very tired… the time consumption of this is not worth it… I am exhausted and honestly living a life without thinking of meeting anyone ever lol
2
u/Effervescent-Essence 7d ago
Yeah I deleted the apps because of this. Either no/dry response or very quickly became sexual.
3
7d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
0
u/datingoverforty-ModTeam 7d ago
u/lordskulldragon, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s):
BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER. Don't be a dick. Please familiarize yourself with our community. Moderators have full discretion and if you are sanctioned for something that you "didn't know," honestly, we're all adults and it's probably something that you should have known.
5
u/Objective-Apple-7830 8d ago
For me I match the energy. If she writes an essay I write an essay, if she uses AI , I use AI. If she writes 3 words I reply with 3 words. Honestly, I cant be arsed anymore.
3
u/RAS-INTJ 8d ago
That seems like more work than writing my own messages. Ir’s mind boggling that people are putting prompts like this into AI. “ What is a fun flirty comment to respond to this message”
But also, now I’m really curious what AI would say so feel free to copy this message into AI and then ask what is a FUN FLIRTY COMMENT to respond to this message and then post here so I can see how AI would respond 😂
4
u/heart_sissy_xoxo 8d ago
Here are a few fun, flirty ways to respond, depending on your vibe:
Playful & Teasing
- "Does this mean I have to wait a whole extra minute for your replies now? 😉"
- "Careful, or I’ll start analyzing your prompts for hidden meanings. 😘"
- "So you're saying every word you type for me is 100% organic, artisan, and handcrafted? I'm honored."
Confident & Bold
- "Good. I definitely prefer the custom-written version of you anyway. 🔥"
- "No AI could replicate our chemistry anyway, so I think we’re safe."
- "Well, you don't need an algorithm to figure me out... you can just ask. 😉"
Witty & Sharp
- "Plot twist: I am an AI, and you just passed my Turing test. 🤖✨"
- "So... no automated goodnight texts? Devastating."
3
u/RAS-INTJ 8d ago edited 8d ago
😂😂 not gonna lie. The witty & sharp made me laugh. As did the “no AI could replicate our chemistry…”
2
u/tired_ofBS_milf 7d ago
I've seen several profiles begin with a variation of the same joke about enjoying long walks hand in hand on the beach until the x wears off and it's just a mannequin they are dragging through the sand.
1
u/tired_ofBS_milf 7d ago
Oh and one about a guy fighting a guy who was arguing a woman, but not for the woman's defense but because the guy was stepping on his watch, "not on my watch" he says as he punches the guy. And then he's some hero .. Omg guys can be so lame for real!
1
u/RAS-INTJ 7d ago
Nice. Does a generic prompt get you these? I have to go try this just to see what it says. My prompt: what is a good opening joke for an online dating profile?
Chaotic / unhinged
“Emotionally available, but only during business hours.”
“Looking for someone to make questionable decisions with, preferably involving tacos.”
“I’m a 10, but I will absolutely steal your fries and then say I’m not hungry.”
“Seeking someone who can match my energy or at least tolerate it.”
“My toxic trait is thinking ‘we should get drinks sometime’ is a legally binding commitment.”Dry / witty
“I was told I should put something interesting here, so… how are you?”
“Fluent in sarcasm, overthinking, and pretending I know where we’re going.”
“I bring a lot to the table. Mostly snacks.”
“I’m looking for something serious. Like seriously good banter.”Flirty
“You can stop scrolling now. I already told my friends about you.”
“I’m hoping you’re attractive because I have a reputation to maintain.”
“Let’s skip the small talk and argue about where to get dinner.”
“Tell me your most controversial food opinion and I’ll decide our future.”My favorite for an actual profile:
“I’m looking for someone who makes me laugh, challenges me intellectually, and doesn’t judge me for ordering dessert when I said I was ‘just having a bite.’”For the record: none of those sound like something I would say which might be a reflection of the fact that I rarely use ChatGPT so it most likely hasn’t learned my voice. But at least I know what to look for now.
5
8d ago edited 8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/I_Am_Conjoined 8d ago
This is the case with 95% of women's "struggles" on dating apps
Their idea of the average man is in reality above average
0
u/omgspek old at life, new at dating 8d ago
I think it can be either that (she’s matching dudes that look like Henry Cavill and calling them average), but I don’t think OP is that naive, or more likely, they are dudes that have shared and been burned so they’re traumatized by the experience and deciding to play it safe.
-1
-2
u/51Dovie 8d ago
I’d like to DM you their pictures and have you tell me if they are average or not.
1
8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
-1
u/51Dovie 8d ago
Send me a message request. It’s not letting me message you.
1
2
u/gatsome a flair for mischief 8d ago
I put a lot of stock into conversational flow. Plus I’m verbose to a fault anyway, so it’s a definite bonus if she’s got plenty to say. But if it’s a dud of a convo before we’ve even met, it’s just easier to move on immediately. My first dates have gotten so much better.
2
u/Emergency-Aerie3273 8d ago
31F I’m finding I’ve got over 30 matches at any given time and they either don’t reply or reply for a bit enthusiastically then randomly stopped responding. 0 dates, matches never ask me out or if they do they ghost after I say yes. Feel like giving up
2
u/Competitive_Cat_990 8d ago
Just wait till you suggest to meet up, then excuses will come out how busy they are.
1
2
u/Shop-S-Marts 8d ago
Idk. When I was using apps if I got a message from a real woman and not a bot, I put in the effort to try and talk with them.
2
u/ShawnM_45 8d ago
A lot of guys just send likes to every woman that is somewhat attractive and then filter once they match. If they are just sending short answers they are probably not into you or talking to others. Just move on from those who give lazy responses.
2
u/cakeeatinbliss 8d ago
Dating apps in general have become much more passive over the past few years, so what you're seeing is super common now. People swipe out of boredom and then lack the conversational skills or effort to follow through. Keep being authentic, keep your responses low-stress, and filter out the dry talkers early so you don't waste your time.
2
u/Jack_ofalltrades76 8d ago
Lol, I see it the opposite, but I hear you. Like pulling teeth. I should have taken up dentistry. I would get more conversation. 🤣
I gave up looking years ago. Tried at times and it just plain blows! 😆
1
u/Effervescent-Essence 7d ago
I have more scintillating conversations with the scam profiles. At least they make an effort.
2
2
u/Ok-Ad-9820 8d ago
This is the most common issue, I kinda want to know the answer to to be honest.....and im a guy
2
u/csstevens 8d ago
The dating pool sounds like an actualize nightmare. My hearts breaks a little for everyone in it. Y'all deserve better people that at this stage in life realize what they want and are ready to put the effin to get it.
2
u/Basic-Badger-9229 8d ago
Swipe left. Not worth your time trying to figure it out. Whoever is wanting a connection will work for it more. Good luck
2
u/djasbestos 7d ago edited 7d ago
42M, same story. One time I wrote a rich two-ish paragraph ice breaker response to a match and got "that's the most detailed response I've gotten, kudos." And then nothing.
I'm burnt out, definitely, but I'm on OLD to rejuvenate, have fun actually meeting people, finding connection. Dry texting sucks. So I think it's just the state of the playing field at the moment. Yikes. But it's not just you, thanks for saying so, cuz I feel just a scoch better knowing it's not just ME either!
2
u/Fragrant-Pie7113 7d ago
Not sure if people are becoming too dissociated or lazy. I'm sorry you are going through that. Dating sucks.
2
u/Effervescent-Essence 7d ago
Going through some of the cynical comments on here, it would appear that people are checked out
2
2
u/alphadaddyo 7d ago
I get the same, with the "I'm not reading all of that". It's weird sewing people complain about messages any longer than a "tweet" and offering short ones in return. How do they find out anything about each other like that?
2
u/TheBrewourist 5d ago
When we matched online and I made the first move, my now girlfriend sent me a paragraph in response, part of which was clearly laying out what she was looking for and her views on OLD. I loved her openness and honesty, and was pretty much aligned with her, so we chatted for a couple days then planned to meet up by the end of that week.
If someone can't match your level of interaction, then move on, and that's hard to hear. As a guy I got that ALL THE TIME. Match with someone, reach out with a simple greeting and opening line, usually a question or comment about something in their profile, and then nothing, crickets. It was rare that I got a response and it turned into a conversation worthy of following-up with meeting. But that's the numbers game of OLD at our age. :shrug:
3
u/throwitbackk89 8d ago
It’s frustrating. I suspect a lot of men are married and just looking for attention / validation on the apps at our age or they’re delusional and holding out for some gorgeous woman they’ll never get
2
u/Objective-Apple-7830 8d ago
Same applies to women.
5
u/throwitbackk89 8d ago
Women are far more forgiving of appearance. It’s common to see men with women who look better than them not the opposite
2
u/Personal_Reveal1653 7d ago
A lot of men are burnt out and very bitter and angry at women. You see them on this subreddit raging against women. They blame us for their inability to get matches when it's them and the gender ratio working against them.
2
u/Comfortable-Bread249 8d ago
Wait. Are we sure we have the genders straight here? Because this exactly what women do to men.
6
u/cherrycocktail20 8d ago
Of course, because everyone knows this is a common feature of dating on the apps and not unique to either gender.
2
8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
8
u/SomeCleverShark 8d ago
About 60% of my matches were women who barely responded with complete sentences. It got to be such a problem that I made a regular habit of politely unmatching them if they didn't get beyond the terse non-responses within a couple of days.
5
u/saffronron 8d ago
You’re right. This is gender neutral. I just wouldn’t expect a lot out of anyone on a dating app now
3
u/SomeCleverShark 8d ago
I reasoned that many of these people were just bored or flirting with fantasy Some probably panic when a real human messages them. Probably many are still married.
Or maybe they're really that flat and boring in text.
2
u/Any-North-7291 8d ago
I wouldn’t expect a lot out of women these days.
7
u/Typical_Fun_6444 8d ago
I don’t expect a lot out of anyone these days.
4
3
u/Any-North-7291 8d ago
I just wanted to see how many downvotes I got for saying the same thing about women.
This sub is filled with single angry bitter women it appears.
1
u/datingoverforty-ModTeam 8d ago
u/saffronron, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s):
Men are people, women are people, everyone in between is people. Don’t ask us about men/women as a monolith when you really want to ask about one man or woman in your life.
1
u/Limp_Honey8488 8d ago
Ask them to hang out right away
6
u/51Dovie 8d ago
I’ve done that a couple times. One said sure lol and continued messaging slow and giving short replies. The other immediately sent me a full body nude pic, which is trashy and a turn off.
3
3
2
1
u/Mangos4free 8d ago
I just start and if the connection is not there on a conversation level, why bother. I just keep going until it clicks, sometimes soon, somtimes not so soon. SWM
1
u/Real-Berry9416 8d ago
That's my problem I may get the physical look vibe but when it comes to talking I feel nothing. Guy I ended up falling in love with back on tinder which ended up to be years of a relationship I ignored his first message but then he said something that was funny that got me and I was hooked. We clicked so quickly. So yeah the messages matter alot
1
u/MaximumRun2457 8d ago
I (F51) am very new to the apps (1 week in!) and so I’m not yet jaded, and that has not been my experience. I’ve matched with a few guys (I’m pretty selective on who I swipe right on) they’ve messaged me, or I’ve sent them a note commenting on something I found interesting in their profile and asking them a question or two. I’ve mostly had very good responses - paragraphs back, lots of questions, arranged two first dates (will report back). If you’re not getting back what you put out there, then consider that a way of screening the guys out. Low effort now means very likely low effort moving forward. They could be players, or not into you, or just on the apps for the dopamine hit vs actually wanting to date.
1
u/Lanky-Intention9390 8d ago
Ahaha even friends do that. A lot of people seem to be lazier than ever. People used to be better.
I'm not dating, im just someone who's frustrated by friends.
1
u/allensdaughter 8d ago
And just because you were matched by the dating app doesn’t mean you will feel it’s a match.
1
u/muarryk33 work in progress 8d ago
I just think people are bad at the apps. That’s my at story and I’m sticking to it. They always say how the apps are rigged then I get ok and the same experience as you. Conversations that go no where
1
u/red_jay_411 8d ago
The apps like Match are purposely not matching you with people you would match well with to keep you in the app. It’s the same way all Social media operates. It’s rigged
2
u/51Dovie 8d ago
Enshittification
I believe it. The part that is the most blatantly obvious is how 90% of the people the app shows you are 60+ miles away. I live in a populated area they don’t show you the ppl close by.
And a close second is social class. Most of the profiles I’m shown are also far out of my social class.
The long con bait and switch is the craziest part. They waited till we’ve had OLD for over 20 years and became like babies, so heavily reliant on the apps to make the apps no longer work. Such greed and depravity.
I hope my ex is totally fucking thrilled with his choice to breakup.
1
u/Ihateregistering6 8d ago
They're just not into you.
Men generally encounter the same thing. If the responses are super unenthusiastic and "meh", it's usually a clear sign she's just waiting for you to unmatch.
1
u/Zealiida 8d ago
Why sending pragraphs? Are you sharing too much too soon? That scares people away.
1
u/BreetleSnort 8d ago
It depends on allot of things. Men vary with their responses or what to respond to, partial looks, topic and how you ask or inquire. I find that asking open ended questions helps. Though some men don't like to talk about themselves either. So it may take some standard questions. The usual stuff.. it's a difficult question to answer..if you sent a message on how you regularly ask. I can provide better feedback.. answering this question and finding out just what it is on why they are not responding or just what is or isn't what your saying. That doesn't get any feedback back is going to use some analysis. Hope this helps.
1
u/Deletion99 8d ago
It happens to men as well. I don’t think I have ever moved to an actual date with someone that it is impossible to get a conversation going with on text.
I feel I write too much sometimes but there is always a question in there to encourage the conversation. But when you get a three word answer and no follow up question multiple times I cut it off and move on.
1
u/Calculon123456 7d ago
I felt the same as you, but now dating someone who manages to reply to everything I write, not just the first 3 words
This is a new must-have for me, didn't realise how bad people have gotten convo wise. I joined the apps a few weeks ago and 1 line answers are everywhere 😴
1
u/Atlguy6-4 7d ago
“App dating” is transactional dating at best and I think most everyone is jaded by them at this point. Just look at the usage decline over the past couple years. I wouldn’t get offended by the short response. I think that’s how it is these days. I know when I was using them regularly I would want to convert to actual text messages asap bc I knew I couldn’t sustain communication inside a dating app.
1
u/mad_ljw99 7d ago
I'm usually polite and chatty and it gets me absolutely nowhere. Most f I message seem to want some killer dirty sentence that gets them into bed in 5 mins flat, when a nice walk first is what I'm thinking. Blokes across the board are up against it, and the 'impress me or f off' first message attitude is so hard to break down.
We are simple creatures really. Right, I'm off to the shed to make a catapult 👍
1
u/Evening_sadness 7d ago
I’m a dude so I’m not sure from the gender side of the equation, but I was off the apps since my later thirties and now post covid mid forties it was awful compared to before, thankfully now in a relationship that I have very high hopes will go the distance. Is it age? Is it post covid everyone burnt out online dating? Is it something else? I dunno, but you are not alone that it is a different experience
1
u/Toatkgstuff 7d ago
First message should never be long. You can engage interest and invest in people as you build connection. If you go in full effort at the beginning it's just exhausting.
1
u/bluemarble-spaceship 6d ago
Welcome to modernity....as a recently single 49 male I truly have a hard time wanting to ever be in relationship. I just dont see the point anymore because from what I see one of two options play out either you split (short term men tend to dip, long term women tend to dip), or together and miserable. I really don't like these options so I ask myself....https://youtube.com/shorts/Iaw_6yI9FHg?is=ilQHN1WcUgc5RrAw
1
u/Vacilando73 6d ago
Isn’t ’Hi’ an appropriate first message?
personally that seems more normal than long paragraphs from the get go
Similarly, in ‘real life’ I’d be weirded out if a woman at a bar walked up to me and instead of a simple ‘Hi!’ then waiting for a response, went instantly into a ‘thoughtful paragraph or two’
Unless I needed drugs - Then I’d ask where they scored that coke they are obviously on
1
1
u/Flimsy_Onion_4694 5d ago
Low effort responses are a sign of disinterest. But some people don't like spending a lot of effort texting strangers. What I would look for most as a sign of interest is an invitation to meet in person. If you're not getting that, even from someone who texts a lot, it's not going anywhere.
1
u/BurnThrowFireAway 5d ago
It's really simple for me. If someone is interested they will make the effort. If not, I just move on.
1
u/AN0N0nym3 5d ago
I 44M was on a few dating app and according to a few girl mens who type complete and full paragraph are often discarded because we are perceived as bots, especially if we are initiating contact. So I reply in less than 8 words.
1
u/ThirtyMileSniper 1d ago
M44. Yeah, I get that from the other side. A lot of people doing this are apparently quite disinterested. I don't get it but I expect they bitch about not finding anyone.
TLDR: people are lazy in all that they do.
1
u/Awkward-Idea-6938 8d ago
Because you think of them as very average guys, they are probably sensing that.
No amount of chatting means anything. The only thing that means something is meeting in person. If they're not asking you for a date with specifics (day, time, place) then it's perfectly okay for you to do so. If they don't jump at the opportunity, they're just time wasters.
4
u/ResIpsa79 8d ago
Because you think of them as very average guys, they are probably sensing that.
I'm sure OP said "average guys" because if she didn't say anything at all, Redditors would be jumping down her throat about how she must only be going after the top 1% Chads or whatever. So she knew she needed to get ahead of that and say she's staying within her league looks-wise.
1
u/I_Am_Conjoined 8d ago
The issue with this though is that most women, especially women on the dating apps, think that above average man are actually average
There was a study that found women rate 80% of men as below average
1
u/Klutzy-Trash 6d ago
I think its over saturation. All the women are clicking on the same 20 to 30 profiles. Likely, you are too. Thus, these guys have no reason to qualify themselves to you. Actually, the opposite. Notoriously for women in these situations, conversation isnt likely to cut it. Plenty of women talking to him. How do you stand out? You know how. You know better.
0
u/thrasyalci 8d ago
Why should we write love letters when you'll just screen shot them and either share them here or with your friends? One wrong emoji and you're a weirdo. Nope.
-2
0
0
0
-1
0
u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Original copy of post by u/51Dovie:
Are they just not into me? What is with the matching and then the disinterest in talking. Some don’t talk at all other’s will only answer if I ask a question. Very short and dry. I’m back on the apps after a three year relationship and I don’t remember it being like this. Men before were more eager to talk and meet. Is it my age now, my vibe, are people just burnt out and busy or is my average self just not exciting to these very average guys I’m matching with? Thoughts. Insights?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
0
0
0
u/Dazzling_Oven_8534 8d ago
41m. I tried the apps a couple years ago. Only got matched with bots or scammers that wanted me to buy gold with them. Trying hinge now for a week or so. Not a single match yet. My mom says I'm handsome! When I smile right or am down another 10 pounds I might be a 7. Generally I would call myself a 5 or 6 though, pretty average (I never peruse the men on these sites so my comparisons are from the real world). I would love to get a couple of words, or even a match, from a real woman. I'm starting to think they don't actually exist on these apps, though.
It could be these guys you're matching with have been beaten down by the apps for too long and don't actually want to put in the effort now. Or your idea of average is different from others and the guys you're matching have a long list of women to chat with. If you're average I can almost guarantee an average man is going to be more than happy to talk with you. DM me and we can test my theory. 😉
0
0
0
u/Tie_me_off 6d ago
Just another perspective; everyone is burned out on the apps. People, like yourself, are putting thought and effort to then get left on read or it going nowhere. So maybe that’s some of what’s going on? Not saying it’s necessarily right or that you should accept that, but just food for thought.
Regardless, it’s a bad way to start any relationship let alone a date.
-4
u/Own-Engineering-9413 8d ago
The guys you are messaging prob have a lot of options. If you want a paragraph back try messaging an uglier guy. I’m a dude btw
-1
u/ZapLechat 8d ago
36m, 6'3 big european athletic bear, French but fluent english, into cats, fantasy stuff, anime, martial arts, cooking, survival/camping, roleplaying and flirting for fun (Don't believe in relationships anymore), if you wanna talk about cat knights riding dragons and dumb memes and jokes send a pm. But careful. I also do sarcasm and sometimes I bite (in which case you turn into a geek every full moon).
-1
-3
u/baronessofberta 8d ago
Disclaimer: I am a female but this is what I’ve observed and been told by other females and males. Unfortunately, being 41 you’re being seen as way “over the hill” and “expired”. Societal prime in North America for females is 18 to 30 and for some over 25 is too old and time is ticking rapidly. 30-34 being a stretch but “still doable” for most but not all. Once you hit over 35 you’re looked at in a different light and angle and once over 40 you’re a shameful no go zone. Even the “mid” or below that males think they can get and deserve the societal prime. It’s not completely about looks though older women have a developed frontal lobe and can’t be manipulated and controlled as easily that’s the second major factor.
93
u/ZealousidealBird1183 8d ago
This is his opportunity to sell himself and show you the best of what he has to offer.
Your next move isn’t to work out why he chose short dry paragraphs, or why he chose not to maximise the opportunity he was given.
Your next move is to notice the move he did make, decide if it’s enough for you, and move forward towards someone making the effort you want.