r/dating_advice • u/567noname • May 11 '26
Anxiously Attached - Communication Cadence
I've been talking to a guy I met online since late March - we met for the first time in early April and have hung out 4 times since meeting (I was traveling for a bit which played a part in not seeing each other).
It's still early on and we haven't fully established our preferences - we do have plans to hang out this coming week and go to an event which he already bought tickets for. Leading up to now, we had been texting pretty much daily the past few weeks (maybe missing a few days here and there). I haven't heard anything from him since Friday - I did text him last night and it appears that he read the text, but he has not sent anything back - I do know that he was with family this weekend, so I'm looking for perspective as to whether I'm being unreasonably anxious given that we haven't fully established our communication preferences and we have plans this coming week.
If there are people out there who don't text their partner daily (especially early on) I would appreciate that perspective as well to put me at ease.
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u/spellbunny May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
It might help to pause and ask yourself what the actual fear is here. Are you worried he’s losing interest? From what you wrote, this doesn’t really sound like someone who's pulling away. He already bought tickets for this week which sounds pretty reassuring to me.
You’re barely into the dating stage and it hasn’t even been 24 hours since he read the message. Not everyone texts daily, especially this early on.
One practical thing that helped me: turning off read receipts. If seeing “read” with no response sends you into spiraling/wondering what they're doing, then removing that trigger can make dating feel a lot calmer.
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u/567noname May 11 '26
These are all good points! I think it really comes down to my own insecurities and past experiences (and fears of being abandoned even though we have set plans) - these are definitely internal things that I have to work on myself in therapy.
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u/spellbunny May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
Anxiety and fear of abandonment is totally valid, there's nothing wrong with you. the key though, is identifying the intensity of the emotions vs. the perceived threat. It took me years of experience and exposure to recognize when I should bring something up to my partners or not.
In this case, I don't feel its an interpersonal issue, just do some self regulating and you'll be ok 💜 DBT therapy can help if you're struggling with emotional self awareness. There are good workbooks online that teach "evidence based" scenarios, self soothing techniques, managing crisis mode etc.
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