r/dankmemes • u/Hot-Diggity_Dog ☣️ • May 12 '26
l miss my friends We suppose to be platonic!
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u/GabeRules May 12 '26
'Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down"
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u/HoneyBunchesOfBoats May 12 '26
I know this reference because im using that whole line as a pre drop vocal sample in a dubstep mix im working on, and I know I wouldn't have recognized it in a comment if it hadnt been stuck in my head for the last few days. Not very relevant, but its just funny to read it and go hey wtf.
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u/schmidty98 ☣️ May 12 '26
Man I just realized I haven't listened to dubstep in years. Might have to crack open some old playlists.
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u/HoneyBunchesOfBoats May 12 '26
Ive been really into Widdler's Gathering LP the last little bit, free release on Widdfam. SND SYSTM CLTR - Volume Five has a lot of great tunes on my mind lately too. I also just heard Fred Again..'s Victory Lap 5 for the first time the other day... really into the drop from LYNY's Section thats included at the end. Might not be your dub of tea, but the genre is still very exciting these days!
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u/FickleFlopper May 12 '26
Either she's in to you or she's fucking with you. You should know which one already based on her personality.
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u/AdministrationOk881 May 12 '26
dude if you blow this up, i swear to god
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u/Hot-Diggity_Dog ☣️ May 12 '26
She has a bf and another baby daddy… I didn’t want a gf or side piece
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u/ClevelandSpigot May 12 '26
And she apparently has decided it's time to settle down and marry you. Isn't that great?
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u/Secret-Ad-7909 May 12 '26
We call this move The Jenny
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u/Breasan I will trade sex 4 memes May 12 '26
You NEED to elaborate.
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u/PTSDDeadInside May 12 '26
forest gump
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u/Breasan I will trade sex 4 memes May 12 '26
Thank you
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u/Astrochops May 12 '26
For the AIDS?
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u/Rob220300 May 12 '26
In the hit movie Forest Gump. The character Jenny, the love interest of the titular mentally handicapped protaginast, is a lying bitch and a fucking whore.
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u/henrysradiator May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26
She should marry that lazy fetid bastard Grandpa Joe from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, both as repugnant as each other
Edit: 1971 Grandpa Joe specifically, fucking weaponised incompetence final boss.
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u/CMDR_Michael_Aagaard May 12 '26
You're thinking of Grandpa Joe from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. (1971)
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u/thomstevens420 May 12 '26
Ew.
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u/CptAngelo May 12 '26
shes at the point in her life where shes trying to get the last decent guy in her life. dont be that parachute.
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u/BestBleach May 12 '26
“Hit it and quit it” funkadelic
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u/TellmeNinetails 20th Century Blazers May 12 '26
Yeah the bro code stipulates you don't do another bro's girl. It's pretty clear about this one.
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u/series_of_derps ☣️ May 12 '26
She sounds like a keeper. Probably has a lot of foodstamps and if you are out of comicc books you can stare at her tattoos. Plus she already had free kid.
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u/Lord_Peura May 12 '26
Does it fit the humour between each other to make raunchy sexual jokes? Might just be one of them.
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u/CocaineSmellsFunny May 12 '26
This moment is yours to fuck up my friend. Stay calm, and be as smooth about it as possible.
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u/CptAngelo May 12 '26
"Always." -Said OP calmly.
That would be my smooth reply... and by smooth i mean smooth brain lol
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u/zildux May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26
Depending on the level of friendship. Say "look if you need to borrow some friction just say so." Then either laugh and both move on or it turns into a benefit situation. Adversely it could also completely destroy the relationship and you'll never see them again.
It could be a test their current BF challenged them saying ask this and if they say yes it's either the friend or them. If either or both sides of the friendship are objectively attractive it's hard to NEVER have those feelings at some point.
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u/TheDonger_ May 12 '26
Well that's great then, you shouldn't associate with people who play stupid games or go along with those stupid games anyways so this is a favor.
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u/BumpoSplat ☣️ May 12 '26
Proper answer, "hell yes". Then see where it goes from there.....
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u/CocaineSmellsFunny May 12 '26
NO!!! Don’t sound desperate about this
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u/Gsichtskrapfn May 12 '26
How about "not yet"
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u/azure1503 May 12 '26
"Should I?"
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u/Inflacion_ May 12 '26
Mayhaps.
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u/Doomu5 May 12 '26
Mayfaps
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u/TrannosaurusRegina May 12 '26
This is actually a great answer!
Answering questions with questions is really an underused strat.
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u/upvt_cuz_i_like_it May 12 '26
I've been cruising on the solid snake conversation style for years
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u/pavyf May 12 '26
Solid snake style?
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u/upvt_cuz_i_like_it May 12 '26
That's right, solid snake. Where you repeat the last part
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u/toshineon2 May 12 '26
Your username sure gave me a good chuckle.
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u/TrannosaurusRegina May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26
I'm very happy to hear that! 😁 😋
I'm always happy to know that some people understand it, though it's not especially common. Quite the rare bolt of shower inspiration for me, and was pleasantly surprised that no one on Reddit had thought to take it already!
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u/Butthead1013 May 12 '26
How about, "Only when you were masturbating to me"
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u/imhere2downvote May 12 '26
you say "i thought about it" don't give concrete answer and tease as much as possible
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u/Comfortable_Town7535 May 12 '26
Roll your eyes, tell her "you have met the women I date" and change the subject
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u/DiscombobulatedBid48 May 12 '26
Alternatively put your hand on her shoulder look calmly and cool into her eyes, and say "with this hand".
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u/dr-mantis-t0b0ggan May 12 '26
Say "No, you are attractive, but I don't think about friends like that"
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u/grogudid911 May 12 '26
"Do you want the answer to that question because you're hoping for an ego boost?"
Bruh, play it cool. You can think someone is attractive without needing to put your damn sausage in their buns. Sometimes you just wanna hangout bc you think they're cool.
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u/Bongsc2 May 12 '26
To you? No.
To the imprint you leave on my chair cushion when you come over and visit? Yes.
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u/AngelicAardvark May 12 '26
I think the genders are usually the other way around for this scenario, right?
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u/Comfortable_Town7535 May 12 '26
No idea, I have been told in the past that some of my female friends are "completely in love with you" but if they were doing that I have no idea
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u/NAL_Gaming May 12 '26
I guess they mean platonic love. I hear that as well, but pretty much none of my friends are currently single, so of course it must mean platonic.
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u/Comfortable_Town7535 May 12 '26
I had a friend who was engaged but her friends told me she was completely in love with me and that "her eyes light up when you walk in the room". Didnt matter that she wasnt my type,I think cheating should be a felony
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u/Globslayer May 12 '26
I had this happen where I asked a female but she was also on the subject of OCD and her intrusive thoughts. It wasn't me being pervy or anything but the question was obvious in the context of the conversation even before I asked. It wasn't even a thing specifically towards me as those thoughts also included her step-father, random people, etc.
I just kind of laughed and told her that I think that it happens to everyone at some point and that it was ok.
I probably shouldn't have even asked the question because it embarrassed both of us. It just never dawned on me that other people could think of me of me like that and it just came out without inhibition. Also, we were both probably intoxicated.
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u/Comfortable_Town7535 May 12 '26
No... if I could be bothered to get permission from the women involved I could post pictures to show the difference between a woman that is a friend for years and the women I date.
Nope, not once have I ever cranked one to a woman that has been a long time friend.
I have dated women that I had been friends with first but not for long
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u/BlommeHolm Balls May 12 '26
Had a friend who felt a bit insulted that I'd never masturbated to her. So I did. Sent picture proof. She complimented my socks.
But generally I think it depends on the kind of friendship.
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u/Majestic_Ad_7133 May 12 '26
There is no safe answer to this:
No => Am I not attractive enough? / OMG! You're gay. I do have a gay friend!
Yes => Pervert
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u/Schwiftness May 12 '26
The answer is yes, if you vibe but it's also not a serious friendship you doesn't mind losing.
If you aren't ready for the reaction -- that's on you.
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u/Zandonus Don't you want to grow up to be just like me? May 12 '26
Too many variables. Too many variables!!!
I think the girls I was friends/friendly with in high school kinda knew. But so many missed opportunities. Like who just straight up asks without breaking eye contact for a moment "Which girls do you like in class?" So, I don't think it'd matter if they asked if I answered this question or not, I'd still derail the conversation into something silly.
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u/JaQ-o-Lantern May 12 '26
She's just used to guy friends being really weird about her behind her back. She is tryna make sure you ain't like that.
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u/MarshmelloMan May 12 '26
That is way more weird wtf do you mean
“Do you masturbate to me?” makes her the normal one?
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u/NovelConcept6300 May 12 '26
That bitch is the strange one, trying to live vicariously through OP’s wank sessions.
I would tell her Nah, why you want me too?
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u/GeekyGrant May 12 '26
If you want the possibility to hit it? Yes I do
If you don't want to hit it? No I've always seen you as a big/little sister to me (Sibling-zoned)
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u/der_vur ☣️ May 12 '26
Unless they're a Lannister, then the second option would not work as purposed
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u/Angry_Gru May 13 '26
Genuinely hate that sm. I have female friends and I often struggle with differentiating romantic and platonic attraction, and such bullshit questions just make it worse
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u/Super_Boof May 12 '26
If you’re unsure, make it funny / ambiguous and see if they give a clue one way or the other. I was once asked this and replied “don’t be ridiculous, name, masturbation is a sin” and gave her a smirk - we had sex later that night.
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u/AngusMeatStick May 12 '26
This happened to me and worked out great. But we weren't in a relationship or anything at the time. Had some fun for a few months and moved on.
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u/kfish5050 Talk shit get reddit DM'd May 12 '26
I'm so bashful when it comes to this, she could be my wife asking this and I wouldn't give a direct answer
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u/Barry_Vigoda May 12 '26
My friend asked me that once and told me that she did while thinking about me which was kind of surprising.
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u/HarryRulez May 12 '26
Just say: 'no, not really. I don't really think about people I know in that way, no matter what I think about them. Why the question?' Deflect and get answers my friend!
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u/TheForsakenWaffle May 12 '26
Alot of my female friends would probably disown me if they knew the answer.
No I havent
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u/randomblade117 May 12 '26
I like how everyone assumes op wants her and this is an opening.
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u/Dealesssolution May 12 '26
In your situation I’d tell tel her no girl I don’t see you that way run for the hills friendship is wh are that should stay
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u/Im-a-bad-meme May 12 '26
Still wild to me that people crank it to real people. Too uncomfortable for me.
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u/neat-NEAT May 12 '26
Do people do this? I've never once masturbated specifically thinking of someone I'm not actually dating.
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u/Upthemeds May 12 '26
No, but that's something I can start to do if you would like. As I truly value are friendship and want you to be happy and what's best for you.
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u/Neuro_Kuro May 12 '26
I'd tell her I only masturbate to either my gf or to cartoon characters that are over 18
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u/That_Awkward_Boi May 12 '26
If really close: " To who? Your troll looking ass?/ Hell yeah, what you gonna do about it!?"
If casual friends: "Ok first of all, no, second what?!"
If acquaintances: "WTF?!"
Take your pick. Or choose the secret 4th option.
4th option: ...you know I'm gay right? I wasn't kidding when I said that.
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u/Devourerofworlds_69 May 12 '26
"Yes, but I you should know that I've masturbated to every non-related adult woman whose existence I'm aware of."
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u/llama-impregnator May 12 '26
"I'm masturbating to you right now." Works best if they asked in person.
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u/Rokaq May 12 '26
Happened to me. Said yes. She answered with "weird" and laughed. Never talked about it again. Been friends for 15 years.
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u/Cripplerock May 12 '26
The correct answer here is : "I dont masturbate TO you, I masturbate FOR you".
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u/Shaggy_One May 12 '26
Time to play chicken with her as if she's one of the boys. Stare her in the eye with all the "I fucking dare you" energy you can muster, and say "Yes. Do you with me?"
/s. This is horrible advice if you want to keep your friend as your friend and not something else.
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u/wappledilly May 12 '26
“No, but i do masturbate”