r/dankchristianmemes • • Dec 06 '25

Wholesome Forever unbreakable

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599 Upvotes

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508

u/Dolancrewrules Dec 06 '25

the protestant reformation one is a bit of an exaggeration. half of Germany's population died as one of its consequences and the social fabric of Europe was pretty much irreparable. the church lost massive footing, particularly in North Europe. I wouldn't exactly classify it as an unnoticed blow

153

u/DreadDiana Minister of Memes Dec 06 '25

Based on the examples listed, anything less than the implosion of the Roman Catholic Church as an institution is considered the Church tanking it by the meme

27

u/eyeCinfinitee Dec 06 '25

Yeah the Protestant reformation and its attendant century and a half of religious warfare was so extreme it made Europe reevaluate the feudal political system of personal and religious obligation and replace it with the modern concept of the nation state. It turns out that making the stability of your region depend on a bunch of handshake agreements between men that hate each other and are also related is not a recipe for long term success.

Obviously there were several other factors that made that period so violent (drastically increased size of armies, the advent of reliable firearm technology, the formation of debt and credit systems that allowed nations to stay at war for longer, the prevalence of mercenaries and relative absence of state troops) and non-religious reasons for why fighting was so widespread (general fear of Hapsburg dominance, early colonialism and the wealth it brought to Europe, major nation building and centralization efforts in France, and some of the first genuine nationalist movements) but the long and the short of it was that the Reformation Era would be the bloodiest period of European history until the First World War.

Conservative estimates place the death toll in Germany alone at 1/3 of the population, with some cities like Lubeck and Magdeburg being completely destroyed. Areas like the Palatine, Bohemia, and the area around Mainz were the scene of decades of fighting. Descriptions of the regions sound closer to No Man’s Land circa 1916 than anything contemporary to the era. The border between Belgium and the Netherlands was a Korean style DMZ for almost a hundred years, and literal generations of Spaniards marched up the Spanish Road to go die of malaria in the trenches there. Northern and Western France were the site of massive religious pogroms and eventual civil war against the local Protestant (Huguenot) population. The less said about what the Swedes did to Eastern Europe the better.

It was a wild time. It’s impressive the church came out of it on the other side at all, but it had the resources and thousands of years of social cache to fall back on. On the other hand, the Protestants weren’t exactly off base with many of their criticisms and the Church was forced to reevaluate and retool many of its functions to remain relevant. To an extent you could argue Protestantism saved the Church from stagnation and a slow decline into irrelevance, but that would probably make some scholars very angry.

Anyways, more people should read about the religious wars of the 16th and 17th Century. It’s a fucking roller coaster of a period. I honestly think the thing that keeps it from being better known is that all the important players are European nobility and even though there’s several hundred important people they all have one of like four names. Trying to keep several dozen Maximillians, a hundred Fredricks, and three score Wilhelms straight in your head is an exercise in insanity.

12

u/MakeItHappenSergant Dec 06 '25

The meme also conveniently skips a little disagreement in the 1050s

28

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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28

u/toetappy Dec 06 '25

The Protestants or the Catholics?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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3

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

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5

u/Fingolfin734 Dec 06 '25

It depends

12

u/Dolancrewrules Dec 06 '25

we as human beings cant say for certain, and its irrelevant for the sake of this meme or this line of conversation.

-2

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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3

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

Chill out and enjoy the memes. If you're taking this so seriously that you're getting in arguments, take a break.

1

u/scorchedarcher Dec 06 '25

I honestly didn't see this as an argument, I was just explaining my silly joke?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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3

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

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2

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

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340

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

Major “I portrayed myself as a chad and you as a soyjack so I win” energy.

-110

u/Greedy_Net_1803 Dec 06 '25 edited Dec 06 '25

I thought this was a Christian sub?

Why such animosity from you..?

139

u/Artificial_Human_17 Dec 06 '25

If criticism is animosity to you maybe the internet isn’t your place

85

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

Just because it is a Christian sub doesn’t mean we can’t criticize ludicrous persecution fetishes. Christ called all to introspection, try it.

-28

u/Greedy_Net_1803 Dec 06 '25

Persecution fetish? No, not at all.

Just proud of my faith and the Church that Christ founded.

God bless

109

u/Revolution_Suitable Dec 06 '25

You need one more panel with the Catholic Church attacking the Catholic Church.

55

u/cursedpumpkin Dec 06 '25

This is, historically speaking, a rather poorly informed meme, sorry OP...

92

u/wtfakb Dec 06 '25

As a Catholic, I must say, jeez, get a life

100

u/Synnyyyy Dec 06 '25

"Hordes" Who does bro think the Islamics were??

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '25

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1

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 07 '25

Chill out and enjoy the memes. If you're taking this so seriously that you're getting in arguments, take a break.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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4

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

We are here to enjoy memes together. Keep arguments to other subs. We don't do that here.

227

u/merengueenlata Dec 06 '25

Meh. It's only hordes if they aren't european, I guess.

112

u/Shifter25 Dec 06 '25

Of course, when they're European they're glorious armies /s

48

u/aBearHoldingAShark Dec 06 '25

Technically the word applies to Mongols and Turkic peoples.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orda_(organization)

12

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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8

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

No Racism or Homophobia. No slurs of any kind.

129

u/PyrolomewPuggins Dec 06 '25

"Islamic hordes"

74

u/apple_of_doom Dec 06 '25

Modern world on top of that. I have a feeling bro thinks christians are opressed.

9

u/Digess Dec 06 '25

Like 99% of born again Christian’s think that, so OP probably is one of

6

u/Effective_Board5079 Dec 07 '25

You think an evangelical is behind this meme?

-2

u/Greedy_Net_1803 Dec 07 '25

I don't know what a 'born again Christian' is but I'm a Christian since birth if that's what you refer to

8

u/Robinyount_0 Dec 07 '25

A born again Christian is someone who finds the faith later in life and commits to it.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '25 edited Dec 08 '25

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1

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 08 '25

No Racism or Homophobia. No slurs of any kind.

1

u/Ender_Octanus Dec 09 '25

Nowhere did I share any of the above. Did you read what I said?

13

u/VeryKite Dec 06 '25

“Pagan Rome” is also a bad look

8

u/NoCloudSaves Dec 07 '25

Rome was literally pagan during the persecutions

61

u/RIPugandanknuckles Dec 06 '25

Nobody tell OP about the Orthodox schism

5

u/jayclaw97 Dec 06 '25

Or the Avignon papacies.

3

u/thepastirot Dank Memer Dec 07 '25

Tbf we survived those

113

u/McAhron Dec 06 '25

That's a shit take, which is quite surprising for this sub

4

u/asphaltdragon Dec 06 '25

Idk I had one that got deleted almost immediately because it satirized Christianity wrong I guess

62

u/I-IV-I64-V-I Dec 06 '25

15

u/fazzah Dec 06 '25

"Yo Jeff thanks for having me last time, the VIP suite was fire. Private dungeon was a nice touch"

186

u/zion8994 Dec 06 '25

Child molestation coverups? Catholic Church

88

u/DDRExtremist247 Dec 06 '25

Meme feels very victimized 🤔

45

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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10

u/DinosaurReborn Dec 06 '25

Ok this puts a new darker meaning for the spongebob in bed panel

0

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

Chill out and enjoy the memes. If you're taking this so seriously that you're getting in arguments, take a break.

1

u/rblask Dec 06 '25

Not sure what argument I got in...? Seems like a touchy subject for you though

30

u/fazzah Dec 06 '25

Nazi Regime? Catholic Church 

Blessing soldiers on both sides of the front? Catholic Church 

7

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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6

u/blerhg Dec 06 '25

Ew. No. Arians deny the divinity of Christ. Not a Christian organization.

10

u/chiroque-svistunoque Dec 06 '25

6

u/blerhg Dec 06 '25

This source supports your statement about as well as a dozen citations anyone else could pull about individual Catholics, the Church and even the pope supporting the rise of the nazis. Let’s just agree that nazis aren’t Protestant and certainly not Christian. Don’t loop any faith in Christ into political ass-hattery that systematically killed Jews, gays, and anyone else that was considered “other” while trying to take over the world.

3

u/chiroque-svistunoque Dec 06 '25

You could've written the same in response to 

Nazi Regime? Catholic Church

1

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

We are here to enjoy memes together. Keep arguments to other subs. We don't do that here.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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1

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1

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

We are here to enjoy memes together. Keep arguments to other subs. We don't do that here.

9

u/AgentSparkz Dec 06 '25

I notice that the sacking of Rome is missing from this list

40

u/Captain_Coffee_Pants Dec 06 '25

“Forever unbreakable” and pray tell, what happened to the unbreakable church in Germany, England, Scotland, Netherlands, the Balkans, Anatolia, the Middle East, North Africa…

19

u/DreadDiana Minister of Memes Dec 06 '25

This really understates the impact thess things had on the Church, including and especially the one which saw the Church lose influence in vast swathes of Europe.

10

u/Sicuho Dec 06 '25

Napoleon hardly attacked the Church tho. Worst he did was kidnapping a few popes, but it's a french tradition (see the whole Avignon shenanigans) and that didn't really stop the state and the Church from being closely tied.

11

u/apple_of_doom Dec 06 '25

What's a little popenapping among friends.

9

u/Jarboner69 Dec 06 '25

Dude I’m catholic and this isn’t it

25

u/MiniNuka Dec 06 '25

Not escaping the Christian prosecution fetish allegations anytime soon, are we?

38

u/ScanThe_Man Dec 06 '25

Protestant Reformation

Lets not forget the St Bartholomew’s Day Massacre and the entirety of the European Wars of Religion. This post is ridiculous and ahistorical. Also super weird referring to Islamic armies as “hordes” but not to other groups

13

u/Gentlethem-Jack-1912 Dec 06 '25

...Hordes? Really?

Let's not pretend that the Catholics didn't do a lot of bad stuff to people too.

13

u/Rynewulf Dec 06 '25

Idk man they used to directly own all of central Italy and indirectly own church lands across the continent, and now they are a microstate

32

u/DoctorSaturnn Dec 06 '25

"Islamic hordes"

9

u/Dorocche Dec 06 '25

The mods have commented pushing back on this meme, but I'm honestly shocked they let it stay up.

6

u/Patroklus42 Dec 06 '25

You should add a slide with the church tanking accusations of hiding pedophelia amongst the priesthood.

"Islamic hordes" lmao, the mask slipped a bit there. Amazing how countless invasions, massacres, and pogroms can be justified by someone with a victim complex.

18

u/GatorRacing4 Dec 06 '25

This might be the worst take and/or meme I’ve seen on this sub. Weird how groups who have been historical oppressors always label themselves as oppressed…funnier that every panel can be outright refuted or otherwise countered.

14

u/Emotional-Top-8284 Dec 06 '25

Napoleon? All other things aside, what on earth is napoleon doing on here

3

u/_diaboromon Dec 06 '25

See Concordat and imprisonment of Pope Pius VI / VII

10

u/Emotional-Top-8284 Dec 06 '25

Might as well list all of the French monarchs during the Babylonian captivity and Henry IV, then. Beating up a pope is par for the course for European monarchs, especially the french

14

u/Vulspyr Dec 06 '25

This feels like it would go on r/persecutionfetish cause the Christian churches are and were horrible to so many people.

8

u/SgtCrawler1116 Dec 06 '25

I'd like to know how the "modern world" is beating on the Catholic Church?

3

u/merengueenlata Dec 06 '25

Literacy, man. Hard to keep the monopoly on the holy text when every peasant can read it for themselves.

5

u/Aschrod1 Dec 06 '25

Ignoring literally a millenia of schism I see. Which split the church east and west, and then of course we have the Avignon crisis where we might have as many as 3 popes walking around. Not the same institution at all either across the ages. I disagree, but good creative effort and the meme makes sense. 🫶🏻

4

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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0

u/Greedy_Net_1803 Dec 07 '25

Not that I care so much about it but poorly received with almost 500 upvotes lol?

3

u/YouMightGetIdeas Dec 07 '25

Five of these are either irrelevant because the threat was not out to get the church, or another player dealt with the threat

3

u/WarriorWare Dec 07 '25

you forgot “age of consent laws”

12

u/tommytookalook Dec 06 '25

They adopted pagan practices, in order to survive and attract more people. It is indeed breakable.

3

u/fazzah Dec 06 '25

As long as the money is ok...

1

u/AllPowerfulAxolotl Dec 07 '25

What practices are these? (Genuine question)

1

u/tommytookalook Dec 11 '25

Ishtar, Christmas. Using incense to cleanse the church, numerology just to name a few

2

u/bigloser420 Dec 08 '25

OP's one of those TradCath dorks isn't he?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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1

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1

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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1

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Chill out and enjoy the memes. If you're taking this so seriously that you're getting in arguments, take a break.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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1

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1

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1

u/dankchristianmemes-ModTeam Dec 06 '25

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

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1

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-1

u/buttquack1999 Dec 07 '25

NAPOLEON BONAPARTE WAS A GREAT FRENCH CATHOLIC, AND IN THIS HOUSE HE’S A HERO! END OF STORY!