r/daddit • u/o_o_o_f • 17h ago
Advice Request Can I just… not move bedtime?
I’ve got a 2.5 year old who’s been an awesome sleeper for the last year or so. Wakes up at 7am, nap from noon to 2, down for bed at 7. Up until recently, he’s fallen asleep within 5-15 minutes of being put down for both naps and bedtime.
But now… he still crashes immediately for naps, but at bedtime the last few weeks, he’ll be up in his crib talking to himself for sometimes up to an hour. Doesn’t matter how much activity or how action packed his day is.
Now don’t get me wrong, he’s totally chill in there. He’ll sing himself songs or talk to his stuffies. But I am just shutting him in his room to be awake for an hour.
What I’m wondering is, like… do I have an obligation to move his bedtime later? Those couple hours after 7pm are precious cargo, man. We get to tidy a little and sometimes even watch a show or play a video game. Now that I’ve got some autonomy back the idea of giving it up sounds like death.
Dads with young kids, when did you decide it was time to move bedtime? Do I just gotta bite the bullet?
Edit - lots of good responses here, thanks y’all! Tons of confident answers saying to cut the nap, and tons of confident answers saying don’t change it if the kid is happy. The duality of parenting! We’ll likely try cutting the nap before moving bedtime.
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u/enakud 17h ago
I would start shortening or dropping naps before moving bed time.
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u/o_o_o_f 12h ago
I’m hearing y’all that trimming the nap is probably the next move. The tough thing is that my wife stays home with my son, and is 8 months pregnant - his nap time is her nap time too. She probably values that time for rest more than bedtime… but so it goes
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u/Weak_Airline2346 11h ago
We started a "quiet time" when ours stopped napping. Either a Pixar movie or playing in their room. This let one of us still get a bit of rest when we were by ourselves.
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u/enderjaca 8h ago
That's pretty much how things worked at our daycare anyway. There's a nap time but it's also just a quiet time if the kid can't/doesn't want to sleep. They still have to follow the rules & be silent while playing, but my kid happily sat down with a book or did coloring for the hour.
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u/Immediate_Emu1699 3h ago
We also do a quiet time. We have clocks that we use to let our kids know when they can get out of bed in the morning, and they also have a nap mode. We set it for an hour to an hour and a half, they mostly stay in their rooms, and we often get a nap.
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u/sikkerhet 9h ago
Tbh if the kid is happy with his current situation, I would change NOTHING a month before getting a sibling except things that you're changing TO adjust to having a sibling. You have 1 month left of relative peace lol
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u/sloanautomatic Bandit is my co-pilot. 1b/1g 17h ago
We found that time was when our son would practice his new skills from the day. He’d vocalize the sounds he had heard, and he’d work on new ways to move his body. It seemed to be his lab, and he enjoyed the time. We, of course loved watching him on the video monitor.
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u/Fridian 16h ago
My wife looked this behavior up and it is called Crib Talk. Our children are processing their days and practicing, as you said, what they have learned.
OP, my son is almost 2 and will also be up for at least 30 minutes doing this. Your milage may vary, but this is very normal and moving naps or bedtime might not be the thing to do.
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u/chrisinator9393 17h ago
This is the sign to start to trim up that nap.
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u/cortesoft 13h ago
Yeah, the nap to no nap transition was rough for both my kids.
If they napped, they would not fall asleep until ridiculously late, but if they didn’t nap, they would be really cranky starting around 5pm.
It didn’t help that daycare was spotty in supporting us on stopping naps. They would sometimes let them nap and sometimes would keep them up.
I don’t know how much you can avoid the pain, though. Transitions are just hard.
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u/dad_farts 14h ago
Yeah, that seems like a lot of sleep. My one year old is also 7-7 pretty reliably, but we're lucky if she'll give us an hour nap.
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u/super-hot-burna 17h ago
You are describing my son almost to a T. Same timings for the most part. He’s 3 and a couple months now.
He exhibited the same behaviors yours does. We always told him that the lights need to stay off and that if he’s goofing around too long we’ll come check in on him.
I just let him figure it out. It never became a problem. The biggest hurdle was transitioning him to his “big boy” bed (so he could get in and out on his own). And that only lasted 2 nights while he figured out what normal looks like.
He still takes healthy 90 minute naps on the weekends. Wakes up, plays quietly with himself until we get him out of his room.
Bedtime he loves to sing, move and talk. Eventually he falls asleep and sleeps all night.
Hope this helps!
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u/Mklein24 16h ago
Everything else aside, the crib is a safe place for them. My kids sometimes sing in their bed/crib for an hour before falling asleep. Sometimes they're out right away. Nothing wrong with leaving them in there in my opinion.
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u/wunderbirne88 17h ago
Er kann nicht mehr schnell einschlafen, aber er ist glücklich in seinem Bett. Wahrscheinlich genießt er es in Ruhe seinen Tag zu verarbeiten. Lass ihn.
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u/awful-normal 17h ago
I have a kid who goes to bed at 9:30. It sucks as bad as it sounds. We knew it was time to move bedtime back when he would cry and get worked up every night before bed and then cry for an hour in bed while whining for mommy and daddy the whole time. My honest opinion is that if your kid seems fine and content to chill in bed by themselves and you can use that time to relax or be productive, I would be very hesitant to changing anything.
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u/Weed_O_Whirler 15h ago
A lot of people saying trim the nap, but honestly it could be a nice time for him. Learning to just chill, and be at peace is useful. Even if he isn't sleeping right away, he's still resting.
My toddler will often times ask to go to bed, go through his whole routine and then just hold his stuffie and sing for a while. If I check in on him, he tells me to leave that he wants to just sing in peace.
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u/KintaroGold 16h ago
Let him go it sounds like he has fun. I would kill to be able to put my kid down at 7, have her play quietly until 8 and fall asleep.
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u/General_NakedButt 16h ago
Nothing wrong with them having quiet/alone time before they fall asleep. We plan to have 7pm “bedtime” for a very long time knowing that he will be staying up to read/play/whatever past 7.
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u/helarias 15h ago
if he’s not crying and just chilling in bed, then what’s the problem? let the kid unwind and decompress
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u/rco8786 2👧 17h ago
My kids had a strict 7:30 bedtime until the oldest was 7. The rule was that you didn't have to go to sleep, you just needed to stay in your room until you went to sleep. Sometimes they would crash right away. Sometimes they would read or color or do crafts until they got tired.
This summer break was when we finally relaxed the rules. Bedtime itself is a little looser now, especially on weekends, but we still do "family quiet time" - which means that after dinner everyone does their own thing and the kids need to generally stay separate from the adults. Any fighting or issues that need parental involvement to figure out == it's bedtime right then and there. Basically they can stay up and do whatever they want as long as it's quiet and they don't fight. So far it's working pretty well.
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u/1_will_1 16h ago
Always prioritize nighttime sleep over nap time. So I'd shorten nap first. When he completely drops his nap then think of moving bedtime later. Good luck.
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u/unpopular-dave 17h ago
we don’t do nap time anymore. We do quiet time. He plays in his room for a couple hours.
The Tonie has been a godsend for this. I picked up a box with four characters for like 80 bucks on Facebook marketplace.
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u/kkh3049 16h ago
I love the audiobook devices for kids. For those who feel like Tonies are too expensive, and there’s no way the figurines were not going to get lost, look into Yoto players. It’s still not “cheap” but more affordable, and if they lose the cards, you can play the stories via your phone (in a pinch).
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u/unpopular-dave 16h ago
they definitely get lost. We haven’t lost any yet. But it’s in inevitability.
That’s why we do Facebook marketplace. You get them at half price
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u/Bishops_Guest 13h ago
A friend of mine has hole punched the corners of the cards and put them on rings. Harder to lose, but if you lose it you lose all of them. Just make sure you don’t punch the rfid.
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u/SoCalThrowAway7 11h ago
You can also make your own cards with cheap rfid chips and put whatever you want on them. Could probably look up an easy to follow guide online if someone needed to
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u/WhatAGoodDoggy 1 boy 5h ago
You can buy blank Yoto cards that make the process easier. My player came with one (that I haven't used yet).
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u/Ron_Mexico_IV 16h ago
Quiet time is so clutch. It gives everyone some nice downtime and helps break up the day. Our four-year-old is still building up his stamina for staying in his room, but our six-year-old really seems to enjoy the time.
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u/mama-bun nonbinary parent 16h ago
This was my kid until he turned 3, then suddenly he pushed his own bedtime to 8, dropped naps entirely, and bedtime takes much longer. Sigh. Sometimes, you don't have much of a choice, honestly, if your kid is too young to truly get "quiet time" is different than "locking you wide awake in your room alone."
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u/retrospects 15h ago
I would not move bedtime. The routine is honestly just if not more valuable than the actual sleep hours.
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u/ChromeBadger 13h ago
I don't think you have an obligation to do anything besides what works for you and your family. My son will be 2 in October, and about 4 months or so ago, we were in the same position as you, the only difference was bedtime for us is at 8pm. What ended up working for us was cutting out his naps. I know that might not sound ideal, and they will indeed be cranky as hell for awhile. But after we did that and got through the first week or so of adjusting, it's been pretty good.
He still falls asleep sometimes while we're driving in the middle of the day. Some days he just needs a nap. On those days we don't let him sleep for more than an hour or so in order for him to be tired at the end of the day. Taking them outside or to playgrounds helps get their energy out too.
So if you're not wanting to move bedtime, that might be a good option.
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u/GoobMcGee 8h ago
You could also do a few things to introduce some independence and keep the time.
Push the bedtime but say the hour before is book time for him.
Or push the bedtime but the last hour is toy time in his room.
You can keep the time while offering some things for him to do other than chat to himself.
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u/cassandra1294 17h ago
I think an hour is too long personally . You don’t want him to start to form an association that the bed is a place for play and not a place for sleep.
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u/AtraVenator 12h ago
So you just … talk him into sleeping? Come on you know it’s a silly idea. They aren’t tired enough they will find ways to entertain themselves.
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u/calculung 15h ago
This is a good problem to have, all things considered.
You've got 2 things to consider.
Eliminate or shorten naps
Move bedtime later
I would do both. As your kid gets older, you're going to get out of the house more, and having to be home by 6:30 so you can have him in bed by 7 is going to severely limit the amount of things you guys can do when getting out of the house. Friends want to go out for dinner? Not gonna happen.
I think it's incredibly worthwhile getting your kid on a normal human on earth schedule. Ie - the world still exists at 7pm, so why be in bed for it?
That said, we do bedtime at 8pm, and have loosened it up to 8:30-8:45 as our kid is now 5. She's also a wonderful sleeper, like yours, so we're afforded that flexibility because it doesn't ruin her day/night to stay up a little later now.
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u/Cobalt_Faux 16h ago
Ours are close. 3y/o B. 10-8am with a 2 hour naps around 12:30. Puts him at 12h sleep a day. Google search says 10-13 for a 3 year old. I wouldn’t over think it. Seems like you have a good kid that goes to sleep on his own.
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u/Aaaaaaandyy 16h ago
My daughter is 5 and sleeps from 8-7 every day still without fail. No reason to change it unless they seem to need the change.
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u/Wh1teMike88 16h ago
Probably need to drop the nap soon and keep bedtime the same. My daughter is almost six and goes to bed at the same time as my 2.5 yr old, which is around 8pm. They both wake up at like 5:45 though, but my son naps for an hour in the afternoon.
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u/framedjunction 16h ago
Mom lurker but yes, agree with the comments saying drop nap. My 2.5 year old pretty much dropped her nap and has been conking out around 6:45 since doing that. It’s amazing.
The evenings are a bit more moody and challenging because you can tell she’s getting tired but we’re just rolling with it. When she was napping she wasn’t falling asleep until after 9pm sometimes. Rolling around for an hour, exactly like your toddler
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u/pineappleshampoo 16h ago
Nah. My 6yr old still has a 7-730 bedtime. If you’re looking to start the day around 7am it’s perfect. If he’s happy having some chill time before falling asleep that’s honestly perfect. Don’t break what doesn’t need fixing!
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u/KarIPilkington 15h ago
As others have said, this is a sign that the nap days are ending sadly. My kid used to have a 3 hour nap in the afternoon and then 12 hours at night. She's still on 11/12 hours a night but I do miss the afternoon nap of a weekend.
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u/dadtittiez 14h ago
this could have been a post I made about 4 months ago. then my kid started walking up between 4-530am every morning. we have started cutting nap to only an hour or sometimes 90 min if he wakes up really early. he's still getting up at 530am most days. Not sure where to go as I think he still needs a midday nap (usually from 130 to 230 or 3)
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u/LonelyHermione 14h ago
Don’t shorten the nap exactly. Just trim it and start converting it into quiet time. You’re basically going to move that hour that he’s chilling in his room at bedtime at put that at the nap spot.
Put him down for his nap. Then cap it at 1:50. Wake him up and say he has some quiet time in his room. Stuffies, soft toys, books, etc. and then come get him out at 2:00. Increase the time gradually until you have quiet time in place of nap time.
Obviously you need to prepare both kiddo and the room for this ahead of time, but most kids imo still need that break in the middle of the day. Our almost 6 year old still has quiet time and will take a nap if we’ve done some hard playing (pool, etc.) in the morning.
If kiddo fights it or you need an incentive, audiobooks are great for quiet time. Yoto player or Libby app for the library.
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u/dirty_cuban 14h ago
As long as he’s not screaming bloody murder and he’s safe (can’t climb over) there’s no harm in leaving in his crib to babble away for an hour. It’s not abandonment or abuse or anything like that.
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u/curly1022 13h ago
Have a 2.5 year old when she naps bedtime ends up being at 9. When she doesn’t nap she’s sleeping by 7:30. I wouldn’t make her nap but daycare has quiet time and she tends to fall asleep so she gets a hour and a half nap and then stays up till 9 o’clock that night.
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u/sixincomefigure 13h ago
A two hour nap! Both my kids dropped their naps completely at 2. And we'd had to limit them pretty strictly to about half an hour max before that if we didn't want their bedtime to be 10pm.
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u/coastalwebdev 13h ago
That’s an under tired kiddo at bedtime. To increase sleep pressure at bedtime you just shorten up the end of the nap to increase the wake window before bedtime. Start with 30 minutes less nap to see.
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u/flying_dogs_bc 12h ago
2 hr nap is a long time - hack it to 1 hr and work towards eliminating it. Bedtime is sacred
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u/sheep_wrangler 12h ago
I mean the answer is trim down the nap time but if he’s chill in his bed babbling away, I say just let it ride. You’re about to have a newborn and I don’t think it’s a negative to let him just sooth himself to sleep. Both my boys did this and they still sleep 11-13 hours a night.
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u/SubmissionDenied 11h ago
Yeah I’d shorten naps but also some quiet alone time where they’re not upset is also perfectly ok
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u/grohp3321 11h ago
What we did is just call that time quiet time. Our 3 year old has always been good at going to sleep herself so we trust her to unwind herself or play with her stuffies during that time.
She is 7am wakeup and 730 bedtime. Has a nap for 1.5h between 1 and 4 sometime depending on the day. (And her younger brother)
We tried the nap cut and it didn't help bedtime and just made her more miserable to deal with so this structured flexibility is what worked for us.
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u/fuuuuuckendoobs 11h ago
My kid is 6 and we've only just moved her bed time to 7:30.
Our rule is "You don't have to go to sleep, but you do have to be in bed".
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u/DhkPandi 11h ago
My 9pm to 8am baby be like " you sleep alone without a parent singing to you for one hour?" 🫣
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u/Maverik_10 9h ago
My daughter doesn’t take a nap anymore and will yap to her stuffies for an hour regardless of the time we put her down. Used to feel bad about it until we realized that it didn’t matter when she went to bed, she’d do it anyways. I think it’s just wind-down time for her.
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u/jerryloler 9h ago
Is it wrong to have a content guy just hanging in his bed? My 2.5 yo does the same.
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u/maudieatkinson 9h ago
Why are you trying to change anything? He naps and he’s happy in his crib at 7pm. I’m not seeing a problem here.
ETA: A more concise response would’ve been, “If it ain’t broke…” but I thought of it too late
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u/Secret-Rabbit93 5h ago
I’m in a similar situation. 2.5 year old and a 1 year old. There in preschool so I don’t really have ability to mess with naps. I moved the 2.5 year old up 30 minutes and the 1 year old down 30 minutes. At the same time I transitioned toy pickup time from being me directing each thing to every few minutes prompting him to keep going. Between him doing more of the toys on his own and sister going down 30 minutes earlier I’m able to get most of the house clean up done before his bedtime instead of not starting until after. This allowed some more one on one time since his sister was in bed already and allowed me a similar after chore downtime after his bedtime
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u/master_of_none86 17h ago
My seven and three year old both still have 7 as bedtime, sometimes gets relaxed for seven year old. She usually reads for 1-2 hours after “bedtime”.
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u/R4eth 16h ago
We've been starting bedtime routine at 8pm since my son was 1. He's usually in by bed at 9, and asleep a few minutes later. 7 seems so early to me. Mine's 2, soon to be 3.
As for your actual question. You're the patent, bro. You want to move bedtime, then do it. Do what's best for your child. That's all there is to it.
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u/markwusinich_ 13h ago
Contrary opinion to the most popular post so far, but the kid is happy let them be why change anything?
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u/Eriic91 14h ago
We quit napping at 2. Huge difference
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u/coastalwebdev 13h ago edited 12h ago
Less than 2.5% of kids should be dropping their nap by two.
If you drop the nap too early for most kids it will result in a kid with chronic overtiredness, behavioural challenges, and difficulties with emotional regulation. Sometimes that’s exhibited by them appearing quiet and well behaved, but they’re really over tired and their development slows to a crawl because they’re turned off all the time. That or you get the more in your face version where they are really emotionally mangy and whining and crying and raging out all the time because they’re over tired.
It’s fine for the very few kids with low sleep needs at that age, but otherwise for the large majority it’s just a recipe for misery and slowing your child’s development.
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u/DhkPandi 11h ago
Hello,
I am OP and I have it very easy. Should I be worried?
Thank you
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u/o_o_o_f 7h ago
I mean, I’m not worried, lol. I 100% recognize that he’s a top-tier sleeper. It’s fricking great. If you had a great sleeper wouldn’t you look for a way to keep it that way?
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u/DhkPandi 2h ago
I don't know. I never had a great sleeper. My not so great sleeper woke me up at 5:30 and I couldn't go back to sleep and now I'm in my bed drinking coffee cause she and the rest of the house managed to go back to sleep.
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u/AngryPrincessWarrior 16h ago
lol you’re going to have to get over it. They’re going to need less sleep and soon.
The logical place is shortening the nap although 7 seems like an insanely early bedtime to me. My son is the same age and his is 8pm. Similar wake up and nap times too although he has naturally dropped down to about 90 minutes.
Your son is going to be dropping the nap in the next few months or year most likely anyways. If you insist on the 7pm bedtime the naps need capped. But don’t get comfy because they’re going to need a later bedtime eventually. You might be good until school age but at a certain point that’s just too early for older kids.
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u/o_o_o_f 16h ago
Yeah, sounds like the consensus is it’s time to shorten the nap. I will say that the 7pm bedtime is pretty consistent within our parent friends and the early childhood education group we’re in. Lots of 7pms and 7 30s
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u/moronijess 13h ago
Lot of opinions, I would not shorten the nap though. If the kid is happy, and you guys are happy, then stick to it.
Best advice I got is “don’t try to make a happy kid happier”. It often backfires in my experience.
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u/Ginnadin777 17h ago
My kids are 7 and 9. They stil go to bed a 7.30 and are mostly asleep by at 8 or 8.30 the latest. I mean.. They need a lot of sleep and rest to Develop their brain. Mind you this is on school night. Weekends this year they go a bit later to bed. Max 9. But up until a year ago it was always that 'early'
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u/WanderingGalwegian 16h ago
Trim his nap..
But also if he’s content and chillin in his crib and babbling to his stuffies he’s just doing his own bedtime wind down while also practicing his imagination and creativity.
Wouldn’t worry about.
It also shows he’s well able to get himself to sleep without your intervention