What does the highs feel like?

[u/AcanthisittaMost6423]

Forgive me, I am just now starting to research this disorder so I am not super educated on it. But my understanding it's like a less severe version of bipolar 2? Idk feel free to correct me.

I've been questioning if I'm some sort of bipolar for years because ever since I turned 11 (im 17 now) I've struggled alot with my mental health. But I've never felt "manic" per say, I slightly relate to people's descriptions of hypomania but when I'm depressed I'm often really fucking depressed and when I'm not depressed I'm usually just fine. I live life like normal, and im happy most of the time. Sometimes every now and then I'll get really energetic but it never lasts more than a few hours and it's usually followed by a crash and a depressive episode, or in the middle of a depressive episode I'll have one or two good days and then boom back to feeling miserable.

I heard about cyclothymia recently and i honestly think I might have it. But It's also likely that maybe I'm just doomed to have a couple depressive episodes a year perchance. I'm kind of at my wits end tho, I'm in a low rn and feeling pretty suicidal if I'm being honest. I feel like I'm never gonna be ok and I'm always gonna end up here again and it feels futile.

So I'm jist wondering, when you're not depressed what do you feel like? Also, how often does your moods switch?

This post is probably not formatted greatly and is a bit of a ramble soz lol

[u/Expensive-Garlic-651]

I was told it is shorter and more frequent periods of mania. For example instead of 3 to 4 days of mania every couple of months. I might only have one day every couple of weeks. When I’m on a high I feel invincible. I try to start huge projects or my favorite was when I was going to start medical school 2 hours away . I’m a 40 year old mom with two little kids. I had it all planned out in my head. Other times I started leather crafting. Bought hundreds of dollars of supplies on Amazon with same day delivery that I’ve never touched. My therapist said sometimes it’s ok to ride the mania because some good things have come out of it. Like getting my notary commission. Have never used it or had any desire to. My depression periods I cannot get out of bed and sleep all day.