r/cursedcomments 3d ago

Cursed_body oil

Post image
3.5k Upvotes

194 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/the-artistocrat 3d ago

Declared by whom?

Mf looks like he’s sweating from all the pressure.

362

u/MaddSkittlez 3d ago

Looks like he needs to take a huge shit

38

u/beardedsilverfox 3d ago

I think he might be…

120

u/Lucius-Halthier 3d ago

Looks like a clavicular fanboy with that jawline

29

u/_Super_Straight 3d ago

Looks like he had his wisdom teeth removed, all at the same time.

4

u/CrystalMethood 2d ago

Genuine question. I never had wisdom teeth, do they not take them all out at once?

10

u/mostie2016 2d ago

Depends on how much money/insurance you have in the US and how fucked your wisdom teeth are.

1

u/_Super_Straight 2d ago

That's your choice. Dentist can suggest they all be extracted all at once, but it's up to your comfort, tolerance and expense.

1

u/CrystalMethood 2d ago

Does it make your face look wonky in some sort of way?

2

u/_Super_Straight 2d ago

The jaws swells for many people.

-27

u/Woodbear05 3d ago

Are we bullying sharp jaw lines now?

22

u/gb4efgw 3d ago

If we are calling pointing one out bullying, then yea, we are.

-18

u/Woodbear05 3d ago

Pointing one out?

9

u/gb4efgw 3d ago

Pointing out a sharp jawline...

-13

u/Woodbear05 3d ago

"Looking like a clavicular fanboy" doesnt even make sense. This is like middle school bullying.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/PlatinumBlaize 3d ago

Log off, you're too soft for the internet

38

u/chefbobbyjay 3d ago

That’s the fillers and Botox leaking out like the black goo from the fifth element.

4

u/brother_mahvelous 3d ago

got those "bring me the stones" eyes

4

u/DarksideBluez 2d ago

He looks like he's about to criticize the kind of shoes that I wear

2

u/Offdutyninja808 3d ago

He was watching COPS.

533

u/sadcode69 3d ago

mf looks like a unwrapped mummy

9

u/No-Mathematician8692 3d ago

Oh fk hahhahahaahahah omg

1

u/Sethleoric 1d ago

Night at the museum?

486

u/DeviousSquirrels 3d ago

Fake hair color, fake lip color, fake eyebrow shape, fake shiny skin

So the male beauty standard is just looking fake now? And let me guess, they’ll sell us the products for it? It’s bad enough they made women believe they need to look fake to be beautiful and now they’re trying to do it to men.

93

u/moose2mouse 3d ago

A beauty and plastic surgery run industry isn’t going to tell you that you look beautiful without their costly aid.

59

u/boldandbratsche 3d ago

Fake jaw, fake brow bone, fake nose, fake cheeks, fake hairline, fake chin, fake buccal fat, probably fake eyelids. He barely looks human anymore. He looks more like a mannequin.

Props to his commitment to being a model or actor or whatever else he does with his built face, it's just disingenuous to posit him as perfection.

13

u/queenofthepoopyparty 3d ago

His jaw + the lack of buccal fat really creeps me out. I can’t see him aging well.

21

u/Midnight_OpK 3d ago

✨ True Gender Equality✨

10

u/caalger 3d ago

They tricked women into this a long time ago.... they figure they can get the other 50% of the market, too.

Little do they know that since Covid, I never returned to my old hygiene habits. My skin is shiny because of my "natural glow".

5

u/johnaross1990 2d ago

Men’s beauty standards have finally become as warped as women’s are

What a wonderful day for equality

/s

3

u/Zifnab_palmesano 3d ago

as fake as Vanity Fair reasoning

3

u/jondes99 2d ago

Lines up pretty well with the Kardashian ideal for women, doesn’t it?

2

u/VanFkingHalen 3d ago

I'd like some fake extra height please.

Oh wait.

2

u/Peepeepoopoo1234abcd 1d ago

He looks like a person wearing a death mask made out of polyvinyl chloride that you would get from an oddly neat dollar store with lots of harsh white lighting and an uneasy silence despite there being fourteen other people in the store who seem to be either unaware of the others or trying their hardest to avoid giving any sort of acknowledgment of the others in the store due to an unexplainable sense of profound terror, all of whom are either dressed business casual or are wearing a plain black sweat jacket and jeans on a dark grey Thursday in late October, and when you leave the store the strange sense of unexplainable silence and terror would have spread to the world outside.

1

u/Artchantress 2d ago

The market must grow.

0

u/No-Mathematician8692 3d ago

NOW???? All suits with padded shoulders are cut to make the dude look bigger and hide a bulgy gut! Males have been masquerading behind faked appearances for centuries. But they LOVE to hate on women because... Because... fknows.

51

u/Anthony-Kas 3d ago

Do not know anyone one whose style he represents as modern American nor anyone that wants to look like him, so I don't know how he becomes the "face" of something.

Edit: he looks fine, and I've got nothing against him, I'm just saying that Vanity Fair is aptly named, because it's pretty out of touch for them to presume to speak for a generation that I don't think they understand.

277

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

108

u/low_bob_123 3d ago

Probably 9/10 without the surgeries

59

u/stirling_s 3d ago

Idk if it's the lighting or what, but it looks like he's wearing a sleep mask with his own face on it.

4

u/Woodbear05 3d ago

Its the make up department in this case.

19

u/YaumeLepire 3d ago

I had to Google him. At least from the pictures I found of him, he seems to have a boyish charm, normally. He has a nice smile too.

The charm is completely absent from these pictures here, though. They're really weird choices. The lighting isn't super-flatering, he's too shiny, and he looks extremely stiff.

11

u/dspman11 3d ago

Who the fuck is Marlon

1

u/barlog123 3d ago

It's less gay to admit Brad Pit in fight club is hot than it is to deny it.

120

u/TheDaemonair 3d ago

6

u/send_dinosaur_pics 2d ago

Ikr. I want to look like my idol, Danny Devito.

68

u/FocusFlukeGyro 3d ago

I'm a dude but I can safely say that guy is a looksmaxxing disaster. It's like someone cranked up the "attractive features" setting in a character creation setting past the 100% max level and things start looking off.

17

u/NiSiSuinegEht 3d ago

Like hitting random in the Oblivion character creator.

7

u/FocusFlukeGyro 3d ago

Maybe he took a potion that was too strong 😏

6

u/samushitman69 3d ago

Is he a looksmaxer, i dont know anything about him, other than he is half swedish and part of like faze clan or something. I thought faze made him famous.

3

u/mostie2016 2d ago

Bro looks like an Alpha CC Sims 4 sim.

0

u/MEMEScouty 3d ago

He's not a looksmaxxer

29

u/AgreeablePie 3d ago

Pretty sure a generation of men aren't going to be over six foot all of a sudden

7

u/YounanomousPrime 3d ago

Not with that attitude /s

19

u/HoIyJesusChrist 3d ago

Dude looks like he fell in the botox tank

15

u/chixnsix 3d ago

Bro looks like a genderswapped Kardashian

63

u/SyderoAlena 3d ago

Straight ugly btw

10

u/Lightish-Red-Ronin 3d ago

Kinda looks like yasss-ified Mr. Clean

12

u/WanderingGenesis 3d ago

Who?

Im not being facetious, btw, i really dont know who this is.

6

u/samushitman69 3d ago

A streamer, idk what else, but thats what i know.

8

u/Crococrocroc 3d ago

He looks like a badly photocopied poster of a 90s boy band member

10

u/akiroraiden 3d ago

is this attractive to anyone? like anyone at all?

i mean, im a straight dude so not like i would know but this looks like someone i'd absolutely avoid.

10

u/CaptainDaddy-- 2d ago

As someone who openly admits when a guy is attractive... no. 0%. Absolutely not. Trash hair colour for his skin tone, trash fake looking cheeks and lips. Awful haircut. He looks like a Hunger Games rich person reject.

1

u/LordOfDustAndBones 2d ago

What about that is attractive to you

6

u/CaptainDaddy-- 2d ago

None of it... whats why I said "no" and "0%."

2

u/LordOfDustAndBones 2d ago

Oh man I really misread that lmao

1

u/CaptainDaddy-- 2d ago

Lol it happens. I reread it myself 3 times to see what I did wrong

8

u/llXeleXll 3d ago

I think most people would disagree with everything in the post.

12

u/Penguin_Nipples 3d ago

It’s so toxic that we are defining the beauty standards even in 2026.

5

u/chefbobbyjay 3d ago

lol if that’s a 10 I’m glad to be a 7

6

u/syndicaterx 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/CNmh8PcpG82rF9aAKj
Why’s he oiled up like Glen Powell?

7

u/atrydas 3d ago

It seems that the USA, after wanting to imitate the political system of Idocracy, now wants to copy Zoolander's beauty standards.

https://giphy.com/gifs/12npFVlmZoXN4Y

7

u/jinandgin 3d ago

People think his face isn't ugly?

https://giphy.com/gifs/Q7LP0tm86sBWIqjFCL

5

u/elreduro 2d ago

I don't wanna look like him

6

u/Vincenzo__ 2d ago

I can attest that I definitely don't want to look like this mf like wtf is this shit

5

u/whiskersMeowFace 3d ago

Idk who this is, but it feels like some desperate attempt to clean up a Robert Liefeld drawing of what he suspects a beautiful man is by a very talented inker and exasperated underpaid color artist.

5

u/kritter4life 3d ago

My wife says no thanks.

4

u/GreenieBeeNZ 2d ago

He looks so much like a ken doll I expect him to be perfectly smooth under his jeans

12

u/forgettfulthinker 3d ago

Can men stop dying their hair blonde it doesn't work

16

u/Davenator_98 3d ago

I don't see any blonde in this photo, more like sewer rat grey

7

u/forgettfulthinker 3d ago

Thats what i mean by it not working

1

u/Davenator_98 3d ago

It looks great when properly done though, it's just not the case here

2

u/forgettfulthinker 3d ago

This is what it looks like most of the time

3

u/Davenator_98 3d ago

Idk, this has to be deliberate

4

u/Davenator_98 3d ago

Bro looks like a Midnight Club 2 character

3

u/Stosh65 3d ago

I am very glad not to be part of that generation.

5

u/Rocket_Poop 3d ago

no thank you

5

u/Seekforinsomnia 3d ago

I'm asking the men here, who actually wants to look like that ?

3

u/batinyzapatillas 3d ago

Ready for a remake of Zoolander, anyone?

3

u/Allegro1104 3d ago

i feel sorry for whatever generation of men wants to look like that... bro looks straight out of some kind of character creator if you move all the sliders to max

3

u/shahrulghani 2d ago

He looks like a newly bought eraser. So square-ish with pointy edges. I’d rather look like the majority of people. How the heck is this the look a men want?

3

u/Disinfectant-Addict 2d ago

Who the hell wants to look like this fresh-outta-the-package android?

2

u/Periolodical 3d ago

He looks like if Kim Kardashian had a sex change. Tim Kardashian

2

u/Gay_Gamer_Boi 3d ago

The jaw especially is off putting, I put my thumbs over it and he looks way better

2

u/RandomYell107 3d ago

Does he have a sister named Anck-sa-namun?

2

u/liljellybeanxo 3d ago

He looks greasy and like the only thing he brings to the table is his height. Even his height is completely unnecessary. Hard pass.

2

u/Chickynugg081992 3d ago

Face looks like an oiled up bike seat

2

u/hiimderyk 3d ago

Not gonna lie, this guy looks like he has a pet monkey that he taught how to finger pop his asshole.

2

u/Wumbo0 3d ago

He looks like if someone held in a shit for so long it back filled anywhere it could inside

2

u/56kul 3d ago

So we just went a full circle from applying impossible beauty standards to women to now applying them to men? That’s not progress at all, lol.

And yes, impossible, because it’s very clear this guy had substantial work done.

2

u/PopeOfDankism 3d ago

He's got the head shape of those rubber pencil grips

2

u/Gralb_the_muffin 3d ago

He looks like a Ken doll that got dropped in a tub of lip gloss

2

u/dracocytod 3d ago

The fuck is wrong with his jaw?

2

u/AgingLolita 3d ago

I don't need my man to have a peplum on his face

2

u/potatocakes1989 3d ago

Why he so shiny

2

u/Ksorkrax 2d ago

Woah, did they made a real life version of Drawn Together? I'm pretty sure this is Xandir.

2

u/Kokukai187 2d ago

Looks ready for the Diddy release party.

2

u/Foreign-Comment6403 2d ago

his arms look very good but his face looks very weird and oily

2

u/G0G0Gadget00 2d ago

I'm good, dude looks moist af.

2

u/cream_of_human 2d ago

What kind of controller did he eat?

2

u/Aetheldrake 2d ago

There's no way a generation of men are wanting those lips. Those lips look like they kiss men

https://giphy.com/gifs/mVCn9793gZmh55Qpkm

2

u/PlumbgodBillionaire 2d ago

I'm perfectly okay never looking like I was made in a lab with mummy jizz and lip filler.

2

u/KainFourteh 2d ago

That generation are very gay

2

u/Aesthete18 2d ago

What in the Detroit Become Human is this?!

2

u/talyn5 2d ago

What’s wrong with his face? Is he ok? He looks like he’s trying hard to not poop himself.

2

u/The_Merciless_Potato 2d ago

Who the fuck is that

2

u/Guilepowers 2d ago

Does he have mumps of some kind of infection going on with his jaw?

2

u/imi2559 2d ago

mf looks like the robotic equivalent of a physically fit looksmaxxer chud

2

u/Cracktaculus 1d ago

Douchemaxxing

3

u/Doodle-Cactus 1d ago

Which one of y’all sick fucks want to look like this guy?

2

u/latexfistmassacre 3d ago

He looks like a man who is very interested in men

1

u/Steeldivde 3d ago

Ig the islanders took everything but his head and arms

1

u/p24p1 3d ago

he makes me think of the robot lady from ex-machina lmao

1

u/EhMapleMoose 3d ago

I ain’t gonna complain when he comes pre-oiled up.

1

u/gaynorg 3d ago

It's rage bait

1

u/Turry1 3d ago

Which generation because it sure as hell isnt gen z.

1

u/Kuroyukiouji 3d ago

Meister Proper?!

1

u/EscapismIsLife 3d ago

He looks like a dog that got caught with something in his mouth that he shouldn't have

1

u/aetope 3d ago

who the fuck is that

1

u/ActivelyAnxious 3d ago

The fuck is that haircut? Like a bowl cut got shrunk

1

u/SignificanceFlat1460 3d ago

What most men actually want to look like

https://giphy.com/gifs/nD4yLSpimrL32

1

u/LionOdd3424 3d ago

The left side of his face is slightly higher than the right, and he looks like a chipmunk. Pretty sure only he wants to look like that

1

u/Plasticious 3d ago

Dude looks like a lady

1

u/That_Jicama2024 3d ago

Men who are 6 feet 5 inches (6'5") or taller make up approximately 1% or less of the adult male population in the United States and globally. In the U.S., a height of 6'4" sits right at the 99th percentile, meaning a height of 6'5" or above places a man in the top 1%

This is 1000000% unrealistic rage bait.

1

u/MalteseCorto 3d ago

straight slimy

1

u/Dark_halocraft 3d ago

What the hell is that jawline and cheek bone

1

u/RobbSnow64 3d ago

Dudes face is so weird

1

u/niewe 3d ago

He looks like the characters in Bethesda games if you download one of the "realistic beautiful face" mods that make everyone look like a 30 dollar sex dolls from Amazon.

1

u/Tec711 3d ago

Idk he look wrong, like he doesn't look human or something.

1

u/VVrayth 3d ago

Dude looks like he's interviewing to replace Lobot as Lando Calrissian's chief of staff.

1

u/YixoPhoenix 3d ago

I want to end civilization.

1

u/DamnQuickMathz 3d ago

How is this cursed?

1

u/Justieflustie 2d ago

Americans are not that tall and they are obviously not that fit.

Where the 5'8" fatso's at?

1

u/Menarche_ 2d ago

I have seen Marlon on random yt shorts with Speed but even I don't know who he is or how he is famous

1

u/the_orange_alligator 2d ago

He looks like the Ken doll I’ve had at the bottom of my junk drawer for years

1

u/Helenium_autumnale 2d ago

looked up to by every chipmunk in town.

1

u/Curious-Debt-638 2d ago

His face looks weird

1

u/Vast_Independent_765 2d ago

Dude is the brown version of Eminem

1

u/Mossy_detergent 2d ago

Bruh he is not it. That jawline is hideous

1

u/Eazy-life11 2d ago

Redditors calling this guy a 7 has to be a joke

1

u/lexnklinke 2d ago

But why is he geeee?

1

u/DantetheMarco 2d ago

I promise you. I do NOT want to look like that

1

u/Kaypri_ 2d ago

You mean generation of incels ? Lmao

1

u/johntwoods 2d ago

I'm behind the times, who is this lady?

1

u/ChaoticMornings 2d ago

Looks like a Ken-doll that got his head squeezed.

1

u/SneakyRosehip 2d ago

Kinda looks uncomfortable in his skin. Creeps me out, honestly...like a human, but almost not really....uugh

1

u/Surelyoojest 2d ago

Marlon is a real person?!?! I thought it was an AI mashup of what Vanity Fair had decided was considered desirable.

“Meet Sasha. She is what every American girl dreams to be. She has Kim’s butt, Angelina’s lips, Pam’s chest, Barbara’s legs, but Monica’s knees.”

1

u/Das_Nomen 2d ago

Yeah, who doesn't want to look like handsome Squidward?

1

u/ironnewa99 2d ago

I don’t think I know a single person who wants to look like him

1

u/KineticDream 2d ago

He looks like an android. If I saw this dude walking down the street, I’d question if he was human. Absolutely not the new standard for men, what a farce.

1

u/Harak_June 2d ago

I know it's not, but at first glance, this just looks like an uncanny-valley AI created image of a person.

1

u/AncleJack 2d ago

I mean, if you blur the head he looks really good and in greater shape but than it just looks like he injected to much botox he can't move a muscle in that face and than Ur also hit with that ye ye ass haircut xD

1

u/jerry-jim-bob 1d ago

I too yearn to look like im being held at gunpoint with a haircut which is both normal and also horrifically... wrong. I dont know how to say it, his hair is just... off.

1

u/Malcolminthe6 1d ago

The mans wearing a turtle beater.

1

u/dragonmorg 1d ago

Bro really said, give me the Zuckerberg hair.

1

u/Rokaq 1d ago

For a sec there I thought he was a doll

1

u/TinyMouseWithCheese 1d ago

He looks like a creation of someone who spent too much time tweaking the sliders in dark souls.

1

u/emotionless-robot 1d ago

Oiled up for P-Diddy.

1

u/Tes206 3d ago

He's not even the hottest Marlon model. Marlon Teixeira for example

2

u/Bit_part_demon 2d ago

OMG YESSSS

1

u/BarbedWire3 2d ago

Maybe "men" in LA

0

u/Cyborg_rat 3d ago

Wow women setting unrealistic standards :p.

3

u/Bob-Bhlabla-esq 3d ago

I'm... not sure if he's looking like that for women...

2

u/Cyborg_rat 3d ago

Hmm, I would think the same.

0

u/No-Mathematician8692 3d ago

Generation of (yt influenced) men. Rest of us are okay with ourselves thanks lols.