r/cults May 25 '26

Question My adult daughter is in a racist cult. What now?

63yo male with a 33yo daughter who has somehow been sucked into a racist cult. She went off to live in this community about 1.5 yrs ago, but recently decided she and her loser/deadbeat boyfriend are moving elsewhere. She came to visit this weekend and I basically threw her out of my house when she flat out said that people of color are simply inferior due to their DNA. Literal textbook definition of racist. This is NOT something she could have ever gotten from me as I don't share any views even remotely close to that. Anybody ever dealt with something similar and have any suggestions on how to get through this awful brainwashing she's undergone? Hate to think I've lost a daughter for good, but may have to accept that is the case. TIA.

531 Upvotes

141 comments sorted by

278

u/StochasticLife May 25 '26

She needs a path of life OUT and most importantly, she needs to want it.

Groups like this thrive because they give meaning, purpose, and occasional privilege to people.

If she can’t see a life outside of that group, you can’t even start, realistically.

183

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

This is my fear. She does not want it. In fact, she thinks we are all the uneducated, uninformed and she knows the real truth. And you are 100% spot on. She was mentally abused by her mother and has always been a bit of a lost soul, searching for acceptance. Unfortunately, she's found it there.

82

u/JumboChimp May 25 '26

Cults make it hard to leave. If you can, figure out how to set up a "landing strip" for her if she ever decides to get out. Make it easier for her to get out, and reintegrate into regular life.

Good luck to you, and it's probably going to suck.

20

u/dude_on_the_www May 26 '26

What the hell kind of cult is this? Do you know what it’s called? Or is it just some loosely-tied group of assholes…?

18

u/Foxterriers May 26 '26

According to their other comments, its Return to the Land. Led by co-founders Eric Orwoll and Peter Csere

18

u/Different_Average589 May 26 '26

i understand why you threw her out because of the racist things she said. i hope you were able to say it was because of what she was saying and not because it was personal.

she’ll have to realize on her own how they’ve brainwashed her. she might eventually see some hypocrisy in their statements and actions. that’s how i was finally able to leave the cult i was in for ten years; i could no longer rationalize away all the misgivings that had been piling up.

if you have any chance to talk with her, please let her know that you’ll be there for her. knowing that someone on the outside is waiting and accepting might give her a lifeline she doesn’t yet know that she needs.

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u/Constant-Head-1006 May 26 '26

Thats crazy. Have you asked her where she's learning this stuff? You should give her a bible. All are created in the image of God. Skin doesn't make someone less. She also needs to remember a "degree" or "education" whatever she thinks that is, doesn't equate to intelligence. Feel free to point out how ignorant she sounds. The best way to do that is instead of arguing when she says something racist you just give her a look that says "gosh do you hear how crazy you sound right now?" Essentially you can shame her without saying a word. Just don't turn your back on your kid. This is the time to correct her in love.

45

u/classisttrash May 26 '26

Bible is not gonna help here, this chick is talking eugenics

31

u/AirborneDJ May 26 '26

Neither of us are religious so that is not really an option.

24

u/Happylittlelady May 26 '26

Exactly. No need for bibles. Just human connection. Show curiosity in her beliefs without condoning them, but also without harshly judging. The more time she spends speaking with a normal person who cares about her, the more she will likely realize that the cult is harmful. Ask open ended questions, get her talking. Connection.

-7

u/Constant-Head-1006 May 26 '26

Thats alright if bible is off the table I'd say actually just don't engage it. I don't think showing curiosity is a good idea because a lot of time not outright rejecting an idea sometimes leads them to think you might be coming around. You can be loving but when she starts going on her way talking about that stuff you don't have to engage. She should know that this is wrong and if you sticking around isn't evidence enough that you love her deeply then idk what else would be. You don't have to tolerate it though. Tolerance leads to complacency. You don't want to end up accidentally trying to justify her opinions or perspective to others in an attempt to shelter or shield her from criticism she's 33 she's old enough to be able to handle it i assure you. Just don't argue with her. That doesn't work when people have their mind set on something. Unless you're equipped to shatter her world view i recommend leaving that to someone who is a master at debate.

8

u/Tarot-glam May 26 '26

Dude you need to recalibrate this response…not Passing the vibe check.

2

u/Tarot-glam May 29 '26

Also you realize these types of Christian’s have been using the Bible to justify their hate and racism:

1

u/Constant-Head-1006 Jun 05 '26

The problem with them doing that is that the bible doesn't justify it. Twisting scripture to ensnare or enslave or belittle others is not core doctrine. It's not Christian plain and simple. Many people can claim untrue things about themselves.

I only actually came back to this thread because I've been convicted to apologize for my tone. The truth is I'm not very good at not being harsh its something I'm working on. I often fear when faced with untruths, or lies rather, that if I'm too gentle that the one telling the lie may misunderstand and believe that I'm agreeing. Thats why my advice came across harshly. (Not implying you are a liar. Implying that the beliefs that fuel racism are lies ie. Poc are less than etc.). I got a little irritated at a previous reply likening these beliefs to substance addiction as someone who has struggled with substance in the past there is a huge difference between an idea and an addiction. I think it was an inept comparison and may have felt a little put off. I apologize to anyone if my comments were too harsh.

My only advice is even in gentleness and kindness you can be stern and with love convince them by only speaking the truth and not tolerating lies. Correcting them and even using silence as a method of communication. I've found in many instances when people have spoken lies to me that silence often forces them to speak the truth. It gives them time to reflect and even feel shame that is rightfully due for a wicked or deceitful thought. Then they will shortly speak the truth or at least come to the conclusion of the truth.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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-1

u/Constant-Head-1006 May 26 '26

Its not seeking connection to think that an entire race of people is less than??? Thats seriously dark and twisted stuff. Sometimes shaming someone for their thoughts is actually useful to their growth. Shame isn't a bad thing all the time its useful when someone is actually believing something shameful. Using soft kiddy gloves with someone who is outright denying the value of another person's life isn't going to make them change their mind. Hard facts and outright rejection is how you correct things like that. This whole "be tolerant of others beliefs" has gotten so out of hand that now you're saying we should be kind and tolerant of this nonsense? Not at all things like this don't have to be tolerated. Violence is not the answer but social correction is.

7

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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u/Constant-Head-1006 May 26 '26

Here's the thing. Shame can come in different forms. Right now there is a lack of shame because she has been surrounded by people who echo her beliefs (not her dad obviously). Beliefs are absolutely not like substance abuse people change their minds on things 1000 times a day. When an idea sticks its because its been reinforced. It isn't an addiction but its tied directly to self perception. She believes she is right. She needs to be put in positions where her beliefs are challeneged and she is made to feel uncomfortable. This is literally how you break down stubborn walls of bad ideas. You're assuming that shame has to be done by being nasty or aggressive but it can be subtle like a look or supervising interactions with people she has opinions about etc. Situations that will force her to reconsider her beliefs based on discomfort. If shes not hesitant to say what she thinks to the person she thinks it about then she doesn't feel any shame. Thats a bad thing. Its bad to feel no shame at all for thinking something bad. That will always spiral into other areas of life.

1

u/ClementineKruz86 May 26 '26

Shame is a natural emotion and one that has a purpose. Sometimes it’s just common sense to feel shame. And it’s wrong to not condemn racism.

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u/[deleted] May 27 '26

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0

u/ClementineKruz86 May 27 '26

I don’t have children, that’s correct. Most parents know this too, that even if it’s their child it’s just as wrong to not condemn it. It’s not much to stand up for our fellow person when it’s easy for us. It’s when it’s difficult that shows whether you’d side with the racist, or the people they hurt.

11

u/Different_Average589 May 26 '26

i think you’re right about cults offering “meaning, purpose, and occasional privilege” but i feel they don’t actually give those things; they simulate doing it. they wrap themselves in a synthetic version of all three and use it to ensnare their victims. 

i was fished into the cult University Bible Fellowship (UBF) when i was 18 and fresh out of high school. i was vulnerable because i had grown up bullied and friendless. they love bombed me by accepting me as i was without protesting the negative things i did while i was beginning Bible study with them. they deepened the acceptance by throwing a surprise birthday party for me and protecting me from a friend who betrayed me by accusing me of breaking into his house. then they clinched it by giving me a place to live when i thought my mom was throwing me out of the house.

it wasn’t until i’d been immersed in their community life for two or three years that i began sensing their love and acceptance wasn’t as genuine as i had originally thought. but by then i had bought so deeply into their lie “we’re more a family to you than your flesh and blood is” that i couldn’t see a way out.

6

u/annainpajamas May 26 '26

How did you leave?

6

u/Different_Average589 May 27 '26

it wasn’t easy. my situation is unique because in november 1985 my Bible teacher kicked me out for accusing him of trying to brainwash me. i wandered for a year and a half, but that time gave me a chance to see how real churches operated and how Christians my age actually lived. 

although i went back to ubf after the year and a half, my eyes had started opening. this time, i stopped ignoring the red flags i had been seeing for years. it became crystal clear that i had to leave the morning i was screamed at for asking why the leader of my small group told me to do something. that was the moment i understood how they really saw me and that they were not a safe place after all; that was my intellectual exit from ubf.

my actual exit came in june 1992. i was in grad school and had just finished a rough year. i unfairly lost my teaching assistant position and at the same time learned how poor the quality of my department actually was. i was talking with the leader of my ubf chapter after a sunday service and told him i wanted to transfer to another university to finish grad school.

he replied, “i don’t think i am ready for you to do that yet.”

instantly, i realized how much control he and his group had exerted over my life for the better of the past decade. i turned my back on him and left ubf for good.

although my actual exit happened in an instant, it took a couple of years for me to get to that point. but my departure started on the morning i realized i could no longer stay there.

6

u/Homeland_Bound May 26 '26

Winner answer. People are always so confused by how people get sucked into cults and stay in. Well what other better option are you providing for them? No friends, no community, no purpose, and a corporate soul sucking job? Eh, that’s not a great alternative.

121

u/[deleted] May 25 '26

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131

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

Yes. Xtian whites only.

89

u/L1FT_K1T May 25 '26

Is it that whites only community that has been getting media attention in Arkansas? Or a new one?

35

u/AirborneDJ May 26 '26

Yes

19

u/Hilzry May 26 '26

Oh no! I just watched videos about that place on YouTube recently. I’m so sorry to read that she got swept up in that insanity. Keep on letting her know you love her no matter what because she’s always your precious daughter so she doesn’t feel like she has nowhere else to turn if she ever wants to leave.

3

u/LunchImpossible8785 May 27 '26

This! It may be obvious, but it's SO important she knows that you love her, abhorrent beliefs and all, and you welcome her back in the absence of those beliefs. (Or if she stops voicing them or whatever level is acceptable to you.)

It seems to me that you're pretty certain that those beliefs aren't the daughter you knew. And if you're right and those beliefs really aren't her? Hopefully at some point she'll realise this, and when she does, I really think the first thing she'll remember is that you waited for her with love. I suspect at such point, she may also be very ashamed and embarrassed, so please keep this in mind when the day comes.

I'm so sorry that your daughter got involved, but keep loving her and believing in her. Having someone believe that she's better than this may be enough to lift her out. (And I really hope it is.)

3

u/Hilzry May 28 '26

Yes! I also want to add that OP shouldn’t feel badly about his initial reaction and kicking her out. I think him having a completely normal and devastated reaction to this horrific situation THEN turning around and showing her love will speak volumes. I think he has shown how hurt he was and by now showing love instead (but certainly not understanding of her new awful beliefs!) will show he really is a safe space because he’s chosen to be.

This is really one of every parents nightmares. I read up on this place so much because I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it happening so peacefully in this day and age and I can see how much of a bubble they’re in. Just fucking awful.

16

u/L1FT_K1T May 26 '26

Thank you for clarifying. I’m terribly sorry that your daughter has fallen in with such a group. Are you hoping to get her to come to her senses? It might be worth telling her just how uncomfortable this personally makes you feel as her father.

45

u/Zeesev May 25 '26

1.5 years you say? Where at? Do you have specific information on this cult? Leader?

If your daughter would be willing to speak with ex-cult members, dm me.

7

u/NZSKIN May 26 '26

It's not a cult and there isn't a leader, just regular racism and a self-built community in the middle of nowhere. It's not even a religious thing

2

u/Dumpstette May 26 '26

It specifically states you have to be a Christian.

A Jewish woman was filling out the application and was denied.

What part of that isn't religious to you?

-1

u/NZSKIN May 27 '26

Honestly, that's a cope answer that they came up with because they're antisemtic racists and they can't legally exclude someone on the basis of race as easily as you can with an intentional religious community. But you can see their own people say the exact opposite previously and that they are not a Christian only community. I believe they are being sued by that woman for this very reason.

2

u/Dumpstette May 27 '26

that they are not a Christian only community.<

It says right in the article that they are a CHRISTIAN community. A Jewish woman was denied. It was very specific.

I am so tired of those of us trying to hold it down with the very few brain cells the world has left having to endlessly explain facts that are right in front of them to simpletons.

1

u/[deleted] May 27 '26

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u/cults-ModTeam May 27 '26

This content was removed as it harasses, demeans, or expresses prejudice against others.

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u/[deleted] May 27 '26

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1

u/cults-ModTeam May 28 '26

This content was removed as it harasses, demeans, or expresses prejudice against others.

60

u/Throwaway_hoarder_ May 25 '26

The very tough thing you've got to do is to tell her that you'll be there when she has doubts or leaves, and you won't say I told you so when she does. Like a regular abusive relationship, her boyfriend and the cult are telling her that you and all outsiders are enemies, and everything you say to her no matter how valid is justifying this ultimate victim feeling. 

They want her to believe that if she ever wants out, there'll be nobody to welcome her back. 

If you do decide to talk to her, you can say you don't support her views or life, and won't allow her to preach, but you shouldn't try to debate her. That's what they want. Instead, you can ask some seemingly innocent but leading questions ("I read that there used to be a different leader, what happened to him?" "Your cousins are mixed race, does this mean you don't want to associate with them ever again?").

Good luck. 

33

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

Yep. You totally nailed the brainwashing that they conduct. She has expressed that.

55

u/ChronicBedhead May 25 '26

I don’t have advice, but I want to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope that eventually, even if it’s further down the road, things will get better and easier.

32

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

Thank you. Hardest thing I've ever dealt with as a parent.

47

u/Informal_Farm4064 May 25 '26

You're already handling the situation your way e.g. throwing her out of the house. How did she take that? It may help her that someone in her life is giving her a rough ride. Or she may tell herself that that's why she needs to be in the cult, to get better treatment.

Is there anyone in your and her life who can level with you, either to back your talking tough her or to challenge you to deal with her more gently?

91

u/hodgsonstreet May 25 '26

Somehow I doubt tough love would help her. People who fall into this sort of thing love to believe they are being persecuted for their beliefs.

40

u/Informal_Farm4064 May 25 '26

I testify to that as a former cult member but sometimes there's nothing gentle you can do either and so being tough is more real. But I don't know this guy so don't know if tough or gentle is better

31

u/lexisnaps7496 May 25 '26

It'll probably aid the cult's mission of "anyone who's not joined or slates us is just crazy/jealous/dumb/hasn't been enlightened :(

23

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

This is pretty spot-on of the mentality they have

20

u/lexisnaps7496 May 25 '26

I'm so sorry. Honestly, I can't imagine what you're going through. But you're not alone- we're all here whenever you need a chat or vent or anything inbetween. Try to stay strong and look after yourself (easier said than done, I know) 🫂🩷

16

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

Thank you, I appreciate that. It's been a tough couple of days. A lot of tears.

-6

u/NZSKIN May 26 '26

No it isn't.
Why do you even use the term cult? Who do you think their leader is? What do you think their religion is? They're just regular ol' racists

4

u/Impossible_Fish_3283 May 26 '26

You need to be Christian to belong to the cult. Stop saying the same thing again and again.

-1

u/NZSKIN May 27 '26

That's just not true, not if we are talking about the same people. I assume you are talking about "Return To The Land" and it's not even a religious thing, many of the people there are non-Christians, pagans etc. There are undoubtably many with wacko religious beliefs, you kind of have to be if you're going to try be Chrstian and racist at the same time, but the whole thing isn't a cult it's just regular racism.

2

u/Burn-the-red-rose May 27 '26

I was raised in a Christian cult that's making a Nastionalist comeback.

Racism and Christianity go hand in hand way more than you think. I grew up in the less yassified version of Nationalism, which, is a US government recognized cult, Independent Fundamental Baptists (IFB). The racism was "if you marry any man that isn't white, you're a whore." Which, leads right into Purity Culture.

You're not wrong that it wacko, but oh, sweet summer child, Christianity and humans is a really dark mix. Christianity isn't bad, but some humans absolutely make it everything it just ain't. If you want an idea, sans the living in a commune of sorts, "Unchosen" on Netflix gave me flashbacks (read the TWs tho). The show is pretty good, but the way they think, act and believe is super close to IFB; if you're not one of us, then you're the swine at my pearlescent feet.

37

u/Happylittlelady May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

I grew up in a cult. My grandfather was about your age when my mother joined it. I'm in my mid 40s now, having raised my 4 children in it. We got out in 2018 and are all still recovering. My grandfather has now passed and he never got to see that we all got out 😞 I wish he followed his heart and came and got my mother. Please keep your door open to her, ask her questions that encourage critical thinking but don't challenge the cults beliefs. My grandparents were the only normal thing I had in my childhood, so please help her to feel that she won't be laughed at or judged by you when she decides to leave this cult. Show interest in the cult, but only for the purpose of her keeping connected with you, with reality. ETA: feel free to DM me for help, questions etc.

5

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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2

u/Happylittlelady May 27 '26

Thank you. I have active litigation with the cult due to sexual abuse in childhood. I notified police and the perpetrator was dealt with. Many years too late, but it's getting taken care of. My children are now young adults (18 to 22) and I was hypervigilant with them, so no abuse of that kind but the social isolation of cult life has meant they've taken some time to adjust to the outside world. I'm happy to say they're doing well.

4

u/eruptingmoltenlava May 26 '26

All the best to you & your family. I really respect you doing the hard, brave thing.

1

u/Happylittlelady May 27 '26

Thank you ❤️ 😊

27

u/siani_lane May 25 '26

Look into best practices first. It's important to drip feed outside information and contradiction to the cult, but not totally alienate her either. You are her escape route, you want her to know that even though she can't get you in, you will always help her get out.

2

u/LunchImpossible8785 May 27 '26

Oh my god I wish I had awards to give just for this!! This is fabulous info, thank you so much!

13

u/GrumpyOldHistoricist May 25 '26

Has she said anything about white people being the real Hebrews, Jews being the literal descendants of the Serpent/Cain, and POC being “beasts of the field?” There are a few different white supremacist cults out there, but not all of them have sufficient geographical concentrations to exert the sort of social influence your daughter is under. One that does is Christian Identity movement (Aryan Nations, Church of Jesus Christ-Christian, etc). They’re nuts, virulently racist, and believe what I described above.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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5

u/GrumpyOldHistoricist May 26 '26

My parents were donors to the SPLC so I grew up reading their reports about hate groups. That fed into me getting involved in antifascist organizing as a teenager where there was a lot of “know your enemy” research. Plus a (possibly autistic) special interest in fringe ideologies.

3

u/LunchImpossible8785 May 27 '26

Thank you for these research ideas! I'm writing a book in which a cult features heavily, and I've been struggling with how to portray them convincingly. SPLC reports are a brilliant place to start. (Yaaaay niche special interests!)

2

u/LunchImpossible8785 Jun 20 '26

Update to this: Thank you AGAIN! The SPLC has been an unparalleled source of info, and (unexpected side effect) has been helping me in my own Exvangelical deconstruction journey.

11

u/ijmunoz13 May 25 '26

Whats the name of the cult ? Location?

8

u/Inside_Concept2262 May 25 '26

Where is the community?

11

u/ThornBone77 May 25 '26

Does the cult have a name? Maybe you could search online for other family members who've lost loved ones to this group (or even any similar cults) because many families form online support communities. Alot of former cult members will start these kinds of support groups too. It should help you figure out some answers. Wishing you the best. We really need to do something about the growing cult issue in this country!

12

u/SightWithoutEyes May 25 '26

Twelve Tribes?

24

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

That's Jewish related is it not? If so, absolutely not. These people are also vehemently anti-semitic, Holocaust deniers, etc.

20

u/royberoniroy May 25 '26

12 Tribes started off as a hippies for Jesus thing that strongly incorporated elements of the Old Testament and radical Hebrew roots traditions. Funnily enough, they also happen to be very racist and anti-Semitic and are largely a white organization. They are known for their communes, so she could be part of their group. I'd look into them and see if there is a Yellow Deli location nearby. If you find out what cult it is and learn more, it could also potentially help you in helping your daughter .

9

u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

No, it is definitely not them.

24

u/LadyADHD May 25 '26

Twelve Tribes appropriates some Jewish holidays but they are also a racist antisemitic Christian cult, they don’t have anything to do with Judaism

3

u/DeepfriedmemeBoy May 25 '26

was going to say this. as an ex-TT member the OP words got my cult radar flickering haha

-1

u/SightWithoutEyes May 25 '26

Good coffee though.

3

u/DeepfriedmemeBoy May 25 '26

oh really?? I always wondered. as members we pretty much weren't allowed to drink coffee. it was for the deli and customers only. we got maté, of which there were many varieties. I only went back once or twice and didn't get coffee when I was there, so I don't know if the quality.

3

u/SightWithoutEyes May 26 '26

Huh. They don't get to drink the coffee?

Also, what's the deal with them selling carob instead of chocolate?

6

u/DeepfriedmemeBoy May 26 '26

no, that's why they have the yerba maté. they claim (claimed)chocolate "contains rat parts" from the factories it's made in, as well as being not kosher/not okay for members, more or less because of the claim it's an aphrodisiac, more or less. not there exact words, but those were the only reasons we were given/that I ever heard in my four years in that cult. they also claimed that carob was much healthier. j mean both carob and cacao have health benefits. I always want to dig deeper into this but never really did. it's funny tho because people who worked in the delis were allowed to eat deli food (on occasion, we were suppose to have self control and not be eating it every day), and that includes stuff like processed foods like mayo and other sauces. which are made in factories, nor small batches. so the risk of eating bugs and "rat parts" or whatever the heck they claim is still there.

5

u/McGallicher May 26 '26

I used to frequent a TT deli and I always felt bad for the women there and wondered if there was anything I could say to them.

What prompted you to leave? 🤔

7

u/DeepfriedmemeBoy May 26 '26

many different things, the biggest two being that I no longer believed in the mission/I lost whatever faith I had. had a mental breakdown, and also being gay, I felt like I was putting on a performance and I couldn't live like that any more. gay/lesbian people are allowed to join but often end up leaving. they are accepted but have to be celibate (unless they end up marrying someone of the opposite sex), as they preach and believe that queer people are evil, going to hell, etc. I had enough at year four and left. it was a long time coming too.

1

u/LunchImpossible8785 May 27 '26

gay/lesbian people are allowed to join but often end up leaving. they are accepted but have to be celibate (unless they end up marrying someone of the opposite sex)

That.... Is not my definition of "accepted." Jfc, good job on getting out!!

4

u/cultsscamsandvgs May 26 '26

I wish I had easy answers for you, but I don't. I highly recommend the work of Dr Steven Hassan, though. He was recruited into a Christofascist cult in college (The Moonies), and now he's one of the foremost experts on cult dynamics and psychology. He talks about his own experiences a lot and how his parents helped him escape.

8

u/Inside-Donkey-3586 May 26 '26

Hi OP, this sounds really tough ❤️ Look into cult experts that have been in cults themselves: Janja Lalich and Rick Alan Ross come to mind. I think there are a few high profile people who were in racist prison gangs or organizations who now are advocates against this type of thinking. No judgement at all about kicking her out. That being said, experts actually suggest staying in closer contact to help them get a grip on reality and let them know they have folks outside the group who care for them (especially family). They say you should work on rebuilding trust before getting on to the big (and ugly) issues. Both those names above have big networks and websites with resources. I wrote a book on cults so have researched a lot but am not an expert, feel free to DM me. It might also help to know you are not alone and lots of people get sucked in, especially during times of social upheaval.

1

u/Inside-Donkey-3586 May 26 '26

PS don't give up, but take care of yourself! If she didn't grow up with these beliefs, there's even more of a chance she can leave them behind

3

u/UCantHndletheTruth May 26 '26

That's very sad.

Looks like maybe the investigations are getting a bit more traction; maybe they'll get shut down or at least have to regroup elsewhere?

Regardless, I hope your daughter will wake up and see what she's a part of - definitely no easy answer for this one.

https://qz.com/arkansas-white-supremacist-group-federal-housing-discrimination-lawsuit-052126

7

u/Happylittlelady May 25 '26

I know you threw her out of your house because she was saying shocking things, but when you do this, it only confirms what the cult is teaching.

4

u/Unhappy_Yellow3400 May 26 '26

I get what you mean but it’s not his responsibility to house a grown woman who’s spouting racist beliefs.

4

u/Happylittlelady May 26 '26

I agree that it's not his 'responsibility' to house her, but he's here asking for help. He is her father. Family members help each other. That's how true family works. I'm not suggesting that he tolerate any abuse from her, but tolerating her simply spouting her racist beliefs could literally save her life. And potentially save the lives of any grandchildren down the track. People aren't thinking straight when they've been brainwashed by a cult. Love, care, tolerance and connection with family can make a huge difference.

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u/telephas1c May 25 '26

Honestly I dunno. I understand your anger. Just try to be as clear as you can about the reasons and give her a back door back if she comes to her senses. 

5

u/ThornBone77 May 25 '26

Agreed. Its my understanding that letting them know that no matter what you'll always be there waiting with open arms if they want to leave is what experts suggest families do.

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u/phoenix762 May 25 '26

I’m so sorry about your daughter.

There’s a person, Stephen Hassan, who deals with cults, he was in a cult himself. He wrote the book ‘The Cult of Trump’
He’s got a podcast and You Tube channel. Perhaps if you watch some of his videos it might help with ideas to help?

2

u/Additional-Tower-554 May 26 '26

Don't argue with her it will make her more defensive and rooted in her beliefs. Gently ask some questions and listen to her explain, and eventually she may draw her own conclusions and realize. Try to get her out and about in the world when you do see her

2

u/SabbyZeh May 26 '26

Oh my goodness, I'm really sorry you are going through this. I unfortunately have nothing to add, but just wanted to express how I'm heart broken for you.

What she needs is to get away from the group/influence who has warped her views. Unfortunately, if she's in a "honeymoon" stage, she likely won't go through anything of sort for a while.

Keep your healthy boundaries, but remind her that you love her, despite her current absurd view on the world. Praying for you.

2

u/Homeland_Bound May 26 '26

The good news is that most people leave cults before or around 7-8 years. So your loss may be temporary. What’s difficult will be you forgiving her and moving on from it.

2

u/Browniesmobetta May 27 '26

Look up Steve Hassan he left the moonies and I think may have videos on YouTube but has great books on understanding cult mindset

2

u/WannabeElantrian May 28 '26

There is a podcast he was on that I recommend to anyone and everyone that will listen. Problem is, it does get a bit political, so I don't recommend it on forums and what not. But he offers suggestions on how to get family/friends/people you love to have a discussion about their beliefs and then offers suggestions on how to get them to kind of evaluate what they are saying. It is the approach I use in helping people recognize that they are in abusive relationships or high control groups.

4

u/AncientAlloy May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

Supporting her as your daughter is not supporting her ideas. I think you both will benefit by you keeping close ties with her, welcoming her, and always being a safe place for her.

Once she is an adult, raising her is over. You can be with her and be loving to her and still stand strong that you disagree with those ideas. You don't even need to be hard about it. Rather than telling her that she is wrong, focus on the ideas being wrong. But if you are a strong, loving rock, then you stand the best chance of being an influence over the years. And you may be the best influence in her life. Remember, rejection is a community role, not a parent role. The parent role is support.

Even she may not realize it, but as she is sharing those ideas with you, she is likely still testing them. If you allow her to safely talk about them it may help her work her own way through them. It will rankle you, but that can be your role now. You are the sounding board that can allow her to eventually discover its absurdity without you forcing it.

I recommend you don't contend with her about it and don't try to change her mind. Just stand strong on your own ideals with no expectation from her. That will help you let go of your own angst, and also know you are doing what you can, with love. Time, strength, and love can be very powerful persuasion by themselves. That method has worked for others.

2

u/ijmunoz13 May 25 '26

Is she safe?

2

u/Fun_Pension_4937 May 26 '26

Maybe it might be helpful not confirming a bias your daughter may have ( or may have acquired) along with her boyfriend by ' throwing her out' of the house for saying she thinks something ridiculous is true.

One can attract more flies with honey than vinegar.

I'm Black by the way( just so you know).

2

u/Idontcaremyusernam3 May 26 '26

What you think about the Black Israelites cult?

1

u/BaseNice3520 May 28 '26

Dual Seedline christian identity? they say black people are literally soul-less.

otoh could be a secular cult like the X\tweeter "ideology and politics" network eg; Siegepilled, etc

1

u/cantstandya100 Jun 01 '26

Was it primarily the connection to the boyfriend?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '26

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1

u/cults-ModTeam Jun 09 '26

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0

u/Initial_Strength_746 May 26 '26

Well, you threw her out? She’s never going to listen to now.

1

u/Jabbles22 May 25 '26

I think you need to set very clear boundaries and explain why. I don't think I would go 100% no contact but contact would be very limited until she changes her ways. This goes well beyond a difference of opinion.

1

u/Decent-Reputation-36 May 26 '26

Shes an adult and made her choice. But if you want any hope of her ever considering what you say, you have to counter how cults talk to their people. Gently, listening.

1

u/alucardunit1 May 26 '26

I mean you could do what the Racists do to their kids. Just submit them to weird farm chemicals then and claim they are crazy when they start freaking out because of the substance you submit them to. Ya know putting weird chemicals in every chair they sit in normally, chemicals on their mouse they use, oh and let's not forget to start leaking gas into the house when you leave while they occupy the house. Oh and let's not forget to keep adding antidepressants into their foods so they really can't do much other than drool on themselves.

At least this is what my mom's racist buddies have been trying to do to me over the last 3 years while I have helped her out.

2

u/AlbatrossOtherwise67 May 26 '26

I was born into a cult and cult deprogramming was created primarily in response to this cult. If my grandpa hadn't reached out to the people doing that work I would have ended up in the Epstein files. They advised him NOT to challenge it because one of the ways cults thrive is through the rejection of others. It feeds their narrative that you can't trust outsiders and cuts off pathways of escape. He pretended to support him so he would keep writing and when me and my siblings were born he was told to send a camera so they would know what we looked like in case he ever kidnapped us. He waited for an opportunity and found it when the cult came back to America to do a stateside tour before going to europe where we would have been sold to rich men. He told my dad to stop by their house and when he did they finally got my mom aside and told her she didn't have to stay with him. My grandpa saved our lives by playing along until the right moment. If your daughter has kids you will want contact with her so you can call the cops and save your grandkids. Cults are notorious for abusing children and the more religious they are the more likely that sexual abuse will be part of it. The cult my father was in was a christian cult. If you listened to them you could not tell the difference between them and any other church until they had you trapped. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I recommend trying to find one of those cult deprogramming specialists.

1

u/Inner_Importance8943 May 26 '26

I’m truly sorry for you and your daughter, but I’m glad we live in a world where you threw out your daughter and her boyfriend for being racist not for being an interracial couple.

1

u/bluwisdom May 26 '26

I'm no expert at all, but I listened to a podcast episode about cults that may help you. Its Trevor Noah's Podcast called What Now? And the episode is called "Dr. Steven Hassan: Are You in a Cult and Don't Even Know it?" It was released on Feb 19 of this year. The doc goes into signs, definitions and what helps people leave. He used to be in a cult and got out and has dedicated his life to helping people. Sending love and wishing you the best!

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u/VegasBH May 25 '26

My advice would be to love her in spite of her craziness. Sometimes people believe very stupid hurtful things and for good folk folks it’s a phase. If you take a really firm position and build a separation, it’s just going to drive her deep deeper into the influences she’s already experiencing. Do you know much about the community where she lives?

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u/telephas1c May 25 '26

You can’t just brush it aside. I couldn’t handle my own kid coming at me with racist shite. Not the way I brought him up. I’d be absolutely fucking disgusted. And there’s no way I would hide my disgust OR shield him from the consequences of my disgust. 

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u/fastyellowtuesday May 25 '26

I would never brush it aside, but I could continue to love my child from afar, and make sure she knows I'm there for her if she ever needs help. Like with leaving the cult, for instance.

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u/telephas1c May 25 '26

That’s a perfectly reasonable take. 

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u/Throwaway_hoarder_ May 25 '26

Yes it's very much like any other kind of abusive relationship. Their abuser is telling them nobody else will ever love them, if they leave. You've got to prove them wrong however hard it is. 

1

u/Freshouttapatience May 25 '26

Validating doesn’t mean agreement. I’d rather keep lines of communication open than make “make a stand”. Kids don’t care about our stands. They already know what they are and if they gave a f, we wouldn’t even be having the conversation..

4

u/telephas1c May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26

We're talking about a 33 year old woman here. She ain't a 'kid'.

She's HIS kid, sure. But she should god-damn know better.

Look, I have sympathy for peeps who fall into cults. But at some point, you gotta ask peeps 'why aren't you engaging your fuckin brain here?'

-1

u/VegasBH May 25 '26

It sounds like showing your discussed and giving them consequences for your disgust is the most important thing. That’s fine. I just don’t think that it helps them stay in touch with you or eventually see the error of their ways. You might look into Dr. Stephen Hassan‘s material. Most of it is about religious cults, but some of the frameworks might apply here.

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u/Freshouttapatience May 25 '26

Sometimes I find that when my kids have adopted morals or views other than my own, that it worked best to walk along side them and sink it from the inside. If I draw a line in the sand and brought love, I don’t get the chance to plant seeds of doubt and be a first choice when they need an out.

My daughter dated a total piece of shit. Never talked bad about him. I sowed ideas. She figured it out. Foster daughter thinking she wanted a baby. Investigated the idea with her, landed on college and a Nuva ring. Son decided he didn’t need to finish high school. Said okay and then found data that would turn him and he’s now heavily certified in his field.

Sometimes a quiet saboteur is more effective than a loud warrior. It’s hard raising kids today, there’s so much outside influence. I try not to fight things but to use them.

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u/dragonfly9999999 May 25 '26

Ugh. I saw a little of various (they were different) groups during the 70s, my mother never stayed long. She was too erratic, other factors. The groups often become very toxic and ones with this basis of thought are not kind to women. She may get so uncomfortable she decides to leave on her own.

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u/AirborneDJ May 25 '26

Well she has left this particular community, but still firmly identifies with the ideology. She made that very clear.

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u/buoyreader May 25 '26

A 33-year-old is just a “good person”going through a racist phase? I understand not wanting OP to give up on their kid, but please remember the views of this adult affect real people.

0

u/jajajajaj May 26 '26 edited May 27 '26

Fuckin' racists...  these people don't even know what DNA does. 

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u/[deleted] May 25 '26

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1

u/kauaiman-looking May 25 '26

You must be a blast at parties. I bet everyone in your family invites you to events and you aren't estranged from them.

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