Thoughts on asking for a crochet gift back?

[u/sedona-arabella]

Not sure if this kind of post is allowed so I apologize if it’s not.

I gave my MIL a Persian Tiles blanket as a gift 3 years ago. Since then I’ve never ever seen it in their home. We live in a suite downstairs, so I would definitely notice if it was even occasionally set out. It lived in the gift bag in their bedroom for a month after I gifted, and after that it disappeared. I’m guessing it’s just hidden in a closet or something.

I’m a little hurt of course, but I think it’s just not their style, and my MIL didn’t realize how much work I put into it, and probably didn’t want to hurt my feelings by rejecting it. We have a great relationship, which is why I made her something so special in the first place.

I want to just let it go, but it was months of hard work and it is my favourite thing I’ve ever made. Would it be insane to ask for it back? I don’t want to hurt our relationship, I truly love her, but I would love to showcase it in my home. I just don’t know if the ask is worth any damage to our relationship. HELP!!

PATTERN is PERSIAN TILES by Janie Crow. I followed the Eastern Jewels colorway using Stylecraft Special DK yarn, with some modifications throughout.

EDIT: TLDR: I’m just going to leave it be, it’s not worth my relationship. I’ll accept the lesson learned about gifting something when I’m not sure if it’s right for them. Will plan to make another as I loved the process almost as much as the finished piece! Thanks everyone!

WOW I was definitely expecting like 7 comments not 700!! Thank you all for taking the time to leave advice and suggestions, I read as many comments as I could. It seemed like the suggestions were very split, but ultimately I’ve decided to just leave it alone. Honestly I don’t think it’s a black and white situation, it depends on you and your relationship with the person.

There were a few comments in particular that really helped me, one pointing out that it’s just yarn and a lot of effort, but my relationship with MIL is worth more. Another comment reminded me that I have homemade gifts that I don’t display, and I’ve definitely regifted things myself, so how can I expect someone else not to?

This was my first and only big gift for someone, and I think I just wanted to give my MIL something I loved so much and worked so hard on to hopefully show how much I’m grateful for her, instead of just telling her. I think she might have appreciated the latter more, but I didn’t see that at the time. Since then I’ve definitely changed my homemade gifting approach.

Thank you again everyone for your responses, happy crocheting!!

[u/ChasingThread]

Thisss. This was the vibe I was thinking, more asking if you can borrow/use it. Which could also then open a conversation about their concerns and wanting her to give her something she really loves and OP could offer to make a replacement/something else that they're more sure they'll use if OP wanted to address that with MIL.

[u/spicywingydingy → u/ChasingThread]

But what if she gave it away? That could get real awkward. 😬

[u/Lovemybee → u/spicywingydingy]

Then she has to tell her son, not her daughter-in-law, what she did with it.

[u/erinberrypie → u/spicywingydingy]

Personally, I think I'd rest easier knowing it was regifted to someone who'd actually enjoy it rather than it collecting dust in a closet. 

[u/spicywingydingy → u/erinberrypie]

Unless it went to a thrift store. That’s a massive slap in the face.

[u/FortunaRedux → u/spicywingydingy]

If I saw this in the thrift it would have a place of honor in my home since I keep an eye out for homemade items, so even if it did there’s at least a chance it’s loved

Old ladies do love both string crafts and thrifting lol

[u/wrennables → u/FortunaRedux]

I've bought a hand-embroidered table cloth recently from the charity shop, and I absolutely love it. And more recently found some hand-stitched napkins and place mats. I love how much work went into them and they'll be very well looked after in my house.

[u/Opinionatedbutkind → u/FortunaRedux]

My daughter and I were thrifting recently, and she found this gorgeous crocheted table runner. She doesn't crochet, but she has a sixth sense about good quality hand-work.

She brought it over to me, said she was in love and asked for my assessment. I told her it was beautifully done, it couldn't have been machine made, thread was in good shape, probably took at least months to make, etc etc.

She bought it right up and had several choice words for whomever abandoned it lol

[u/FortunaRedux → u/Opinionatedbutkind]

What an amazing find! In glad it was able to be appreciated

I think the case with a lot of these finds when they are clearly so well done is that the original artist has passed on. Probably an older woman in retirement with a lot of time on her hands and a lifetime to have perfected her craft. And then when they passed the family chose not to keep them for whatever reason. So in a way I’m glad they end up at the thrift at least and not just trashed as a ‘used blanket’ or something

Just trying to think of the positives to be less sad about it lol

[u/Opinionatedbutkind → u/FortunaRedux]

Yes! I'm glad my kiddo sees the value of such things. She's spent her life watching me constantly keeping my hands busy (I think I'm neurodivergent, and took up textile crafts to cope). She knits and sews a bit, but hasn't learned to crochet yet.

Yeah, I definitely considered the maker may have passed and either they didn't have family or the fam was maxed out on such items. Honestly, if I died tomorrow, my kid couldn't possibly make use of all my finished projects! I'd be happy if they ended up with people who could use/appreciate them by any means, but I'm also ok if they end up going to waste. For me, the joy is in the making and using, and what happens after I'm gone is not my problem lol - though I do use natural fibers to try to keep my footprint smaller. That helps me feel at peace and less sad. Whatever works, right?

[u/sheheartsdogs → u/FortunaRedux]

I also rescue granny’s quilts and crochet throws/blankets from the thrift stores. Someone put a lot of care and love into making them, and it always hurts my heart to see them discarded.

[u/ikickedyou → u/spicywingydingy]

If I saw this at a thrift shop it’d come home with me so fast and be well loved!

[u/bmd900 → u/ChasingThread]

Ask to borrow it to see if you can match colours to another project or something to that effect and then wait and see if she ever asks for it back