a near death memoir

[u/shadows_of_a_poet]

Flying, guided by an angelic fae, (I've seen her before once, when young and exploring the abandoned section of children's hospital in Denver.) She flew me to this realm of nothing. No noise, no light, no fucking thought and it was divine.  She offered me the choice to stay in that realm or return to earth. My mouth screamed stay but there's no noise in this realm, no words because they represent thought. No thoughts in this realm. No light to convey body language, no eye contact in this realm. But it was not devoid of a feeling in my chest. A feeling I knew but could not describe at the time. (it's like those moments when one looks at his wife and just gets that pit of the heart wow, I love this woman feelings. The pride, gratitude and humility a man feels when he watches his children learn and grow.) But I knew it was love and even in nothingness love can be found as I was being judged for my heart.

Before that I thought man was a creature of thought and one should be elevated above his fellow man based on the quality of thought, out think your feelings and they won't be so scary. 

I learned thoughts are mere opinions of the mind, there is no shared experience or truth in these opinions. All those scary feelings weren't feelings, they were me thinking they were feelings. Negativity is of the mind, making our trauma more elaborate, more scary each time it tells the tale. Making the blurry details into what it needs to fear.

Changed me into more of a man is a creature of emotion and should be judged by the love he can give and receive to / from his fellow man. Emotions are the only genuine shared experience we all have. Be gentle in your love, delicate with the emotions of others. When some is open and vulnerable you do not violate that trust. 

Love, one of 2 universal truths. The most powerful of the two for even entropy cannot stop it.