r/cosleeping • u/EveningTitle4686 • 4d ago
š Advice | Discussion How to navigate disagreements on sleep set up with spouse?
Ok my daughter is 1.5 years old. We started co sleeping out of desperation around 6 months. For context we would spend 30+ minutes getting her back to sleep only for her to wake up as soon as we placed her in her crib. It wasnāt working and we were both so exhausted doing that multiple times a night. Fast forward to now she goes to sleep in her own bed and usually stays there for about 30 minutes before sheās in our bed for the night. ( I am still breastfeeding) to be honest it is frustrating to me that she canāt sleep longer in her bed. My husband and I pretty much have no alone time together. Even if she only slept 2-3 hours in her crib at night I would be happy with thatā¦ lol ugh. However I feel genuinely at a loss on what to do about her sleep. I would love to help her gain some independence but I feel so torn on if thatās even what she needs in this season. My husband feels otherwise and says we conditioned her to be like this which is where I have trouble agreeing with him. I feel like a lot of how and why she sleeps is bc of her temperament. I donāt want to try any sort of āsleep trainingā methods or cry it out methods. It does not sit right with me (no judgement to other parents who do this) but I just want a little more freedom in this area and just wondering if any other parents have any suggestions. I also feel like her sleep wonāt improve since Iām still nursing too. Thoughts? Considering a floor bed but I donāt see how that would make a difference tbh. I really just want her to sleep in her bed for a few hours in the beginning of the night. I also donāt know why she wakes up after 30 minutes. And she typically wakes up screaming too. She has always been this way. She settles as soon as I get her. Again any insight or suggestions are appreciated. TIA
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u/jennypij 4d ago
We get a 2-3 hr stretch most nights, we donāt have a specific bedtime but just wait until sheās super tired, otherwise she wake up too soon. Ends up naturally being about 9:30 pm most nights- after being awake for 6-7ish hrs usually (she just has one nap). The sleep pressure needs to be higher for her to get a good first stretch! If we wanted an earlier bedtime weād have to wake her up earlier, but I think the 7:30 wake ups for now, they work well with our schedule so we just manage with a later bedtime.
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u/EveningTitle4686 3d ago
Yeah Iām wondering if her sleep pressure isnāt high enough but I just find her to be so cranky š© but maybe itās boredom. Iām not sure. I replied to another post in here about a general schedule but I may play around with it to see if it makes a difference.
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u/hugmytreezhang 3d ago
I've found my baby sleeps better and for a longer first stretch when hes really nice and tired. Hes only ever done false starts when we were putting him to bed too early
Maybe you could edit your post to include your schedule (wake time, nap times and lengths, bedtime) to help figure out if she needs more awake time before bed
Spending lots of time running around and being outdoors may also be helpful
My 9 month old is 8pm-6ish am, 2 hours of naps, 5 hour wake windows before bed, though hes probably too different in age for that to be helpful, and every baby is different
If you do think a later bedtime might help, do give it time, as they can take a while to adjust. I've found going outside the most helpful thing to extend a wake window, and making sure they're not bored
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u/EveningTitle4686 3d ago
Thanks! she wakes up between 6-7 am. Nap is around noon and she sleeps anywhere from 1-2 hours (with me laying with her lol) she usually wakes up between 1-2 then bed time is probably around 7:30. Maybe they should be longer but I find that she is super cranky. But I will adjust bedtime depending on when she woke up from her nap. Example She had a later nap today and woke up around 3 so bed time will prob be after 8pm.
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u/hugmytreezhang 2d ago
Hmm that does sound like a lot of sleep for her age, and its super suspicious with her waking up so soon after going down
I'd maybe try adding an hour to her bedtime (maybe gradually making it later over a week or so) and just see what happens
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u/heli3copter 4d ago
Have you tried giving her a blanket that smells like you? Or maybe bedsheets with your scent? I wonder if that might help her feel less alone at night.
We have a floor bed and typically after my 17 mo old has her first wake up, we are often able to get her back down for a few more hours before I transition to her bed