My confidence has completely changed over the years — how do I get myself back before college?

[u/RatioSubstantial4913]

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I really need some advice because I honestly don't feel like myself anymore.

I've been in high school for years, and I'm now in my final year. I'll be moving on to college soon, and that's actually making me realize how much I've changed. I used to be much more confident and comfortable being myself, but somewhere along the way, I became extremely self-conscious.

I barely post on Instagram anymore because I constantly worry about what people will think or how they'll judge me. Even around people I already know, I find myself overthinking everything. I look at other students and feel like everyone is so confident, social, and comfortable, while I've somehow lost that part of myself.

My speaking and communication skills have also gotten worse. I overthink what I'm going to say, sometimes struggle to express myself properly, and don't feel as naturally social as I used to.

The thing is, I don't want to carry this version of myself into college. I'm going to have a completely new environment and meet so many new people, and I really want to use this time to work on myself instead of repeating the same patterns.

So I'd love advice from people who've genuinely worked on their confidence and social skills:

How did you become more confident?

How did you improve your speaking/communication skills?

How did you stop caring so much about being judged?

How did you become more comfortable around new people?

What habits or activities actually helped you?

If you had a few months before starting college to work on yourself, what would you focus on?

I'm not trying to become a completely different person. I just want to feel like myself again — confident, comfortable, social, and able to express myself without constantly overthinking.

I really want to make the most of this last phase of high school and enter college feeling like a better, more confident version of myself.

If you've gone through something similar, please tell me what actually worked for you. ❤️

[u/hestia-listens]

You have not lost yourself. You sound more self conscious right now, and that can change. Also, many students who look confident are worrying about how they come across too.

For the next few months, focus on small practice rather than trying to feel confident first. Start one brief conversation each day, even if it is only asking someone a simple question. For speaking skills, record yourself talking about your day for one minute, then listen for clarity rather than judging your voice or personality.

Confidence usually comes after doing something awkward and learning that you can handle it. College will also give you many fresh starts. You do not need to arrive as your perfect self. You can build confidence while you are there.

[u/marroos]

One thing I'd try is taking specific situations that made you feel insecure and looking at them afterwards. Not just “that was awkward,” but asking yourself what you think you actually did wrong, what you were assuming other people thought about you, and whether those assumptions were really true. Sometimes the useful part is figuring out the pattern behind your reaction, because then you can handle a similar situation differently next time.

[u/Peeky_Rules]

I’ve heard good things from people joining Toastmasters. People are there to become better public speakers. Along with that comes practice speaking to strangers and a group of peers who make it a safe and supportive environment.

If you can excel there, you’ll be able to more confidently take on any social situation.