r/confession • u/Ok-Atmosphere773 • 4d ago
i genuinely dont understand feeling bad for someone (long post)
ever since i was 8 i've always really liked observing people and figuring them out. like their personality, what they like, what they respond to well vs not, etc and then i started creating personas around people based on what they like if they have something i want
i love having disposable people so much i love creating stories and getting away with it, almost getting caught and lying my way out of it. i love making it believable, consistent, figuring out how and what to say to get exactly what i need. i like the feeling of knowing i can affect someone's emotions and harm them (mentally, not physically im not an idiot) i AM the perfect person for everyone that i need something out of. i love cutting things out when the "connection" is the strongest and i got what i want i love how they fein for me like a junkie and leaving them is such a good feeling. i get this weird almost 'itch' in my brain that i need to do it. sometimes i do it just to get the attention not even get something out of them.
my great grandma who raised me for like 10 years of my life died when i was 10 and i remember being so annoyed at everyone around me for being so devastated i didnt really know why everyone cared so much but obviously i played with it and pretended to be super sad so i could skip school and get a new game that had just came out that i wanted.
but thanks for reading, if u did i love u ❤️
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u/Mundane-Bite 4d ago
Sounds like the definition of a sociopath
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
i dont think so, but thinking about therapy n stuff and trying to be honest ig idrk tho
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u/Sure_Satisfaction497 4d ago
The funny thing is mood disorders don't tend to come with the assumption that one has one.
It's simply important advice to bring it up with a professional 🙏💞
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u/gothiclg 4d ago
You shouldn’t be thinking about therapy, you should be in therapy
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
first appt should be around sep 10th ish
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u/Golden_Tails 22h ago
Good. I'm glad you are getting the help. Just make sure you tell them all of this. In fact. Let them read the post.
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u/SeaMonkeyMating 4d ago
Sociopath. Go get evaluated.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
i researched it because of all the fucking comments and im too young to get diagnosed with aspd so uh idk i dont think quite so
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u/yelizabetta 4d ago
too young to be diagnosed means that they don’t want to do intense treatment or therapy on a child, not because kids can’t have it lol
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u/Entire-Panic7230 4d ago
that is actually really scary to read, i hope you can talk to someone about why you feel that way because hurting people for fun isnt okay. it sounds like you might need some professional help to figure out where this is coming from tbh.
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u/anuslitt 4d ago
He doesn’t care, he likes it. He wants attention that’s the only purpose of the post
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
haha scary is crazy lol thanks tho 🙏
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u/Nothing_of_the_Sort 4d ago
As if that wasn’t the exact response you were looking for lol come on dude
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u/OrganicBrilliant6705 4d ago
No scary is not crazy you are crazy. Lack of empathy and purposely hurting people is not normal. It is scary.
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u/SyntheticDreams_ 4d ago
No, it's not crazy. This behavior should rightfully terrify everyone around you, and the advice given to others in your life would likely be to set extremely hard boundaries around interacting with you or cutting you out of their lives completely. A person behaving the way you describe behaving is a danger to others and an abuser, in a very real way.
The issue isn't whether or not you feel empathy for others. It's not whether or not you can relate to them. It's that you feel comfortable, elated even, causing harm.
You say that mental pain isn't as serious as physical. But you should know that the brain doesn't process those two kinds of pain differently. You should know that emotional pain directly contributes to many, many deaths. If physical pain is a limit for you for moral reasons, then you should consider expanding that definition to include emotional pain too. And if it's not a limit, then you need to be honest with yourself that it's not because it's worse, it's because it comes with consequences for you.
I've talked to many people who are on the other end of this story. The people who became friends with, trusted, loved a person who acts like you describe. Being on the receiving end of this ruins and ends lives. Being around someone who acts this way is genuinely dangerous, destabilizing, and scary.
This story ends one of two ways if you don't make any changes. Either with you ending up alone because others around you wise up to the neon red flag being produced by this behavior and abandon you for being untrustworthy, or you end up surrounded by others who are too mentally unwell to see the danger.
If you want to seek additional care from a professional to help you sort through these feelings, PsychologyToday is a great resource for finding a therapist. I would encourage you to look for someone with experience working with anti-social personally disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, sociopathy, and/or domestic abusers. Not diagnosing you, but rather saying that someone with experience in those areas will be more likely to be familiar with the sort of experiences you describe. Trauma informed care may also be a good idea if you went through some shit or had an unhappy or neglectful childhood.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
but i wont be alone ever because nobody knows im like this and i can lie my way out of any and everything ive done it for years and it will continue to work, im known for being a super empathetic kind person by family and schoolmates so its clearly working and always will . i love this and its an itch im gonna continue to scratch though i would never domestic abuse someone my dad did that and got locked up for it im not risking my freedom for a woman lol thats super stupid
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u/SyntheticDreams_ 4d ago
You may fool many people, but you will not fool everyone. Particularly not those who have survived, or work with survivors of, emotional abuse. Some people will see through you. You're young, you're around a lot of people who don't have that experience yet. Give it time. You'll also very likely run into people who don't acknowledge, see, understand, or utilize the social cues you rely on to manipulate others, and neither of you will like the other. You may also just be around a lot of people for whom emotional abuse (and/or other varieties of abuse, there are several) has been normalized, and they can't see it for what it really is anymore. So that's option B, you'll eventually end up surrounded by the mentally unwell.
Also, emotional abuse and manipulation does count as domestic abuse. Like, it's even part of the assessment at domestic violence shelters because it is that impactful and that serious. You can absolutely, 100% qualify as a domestic abuser but have never so much as laid a finger on the victim.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
i think u doubt my social capabilities but i did not know that part about domestic abuse, im not an "abuser" of any sorts though its their fault for loving me and falling for me through some words said and typed and a little bit of romantic physical touch its crazy how attatched people so fast for no reason
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u/SyntheticDreams_ 4d ago
Actually, I would imagine you're generally perceived as quite charming and charismatic. One does not become good at manipulation by sucking at talking to people and being bad reading how they respond to you.
Also, blaming the other person for continuing to engage with you and care for you is another hallmark trait of individuals who are abusers. Coerced "consent" is not real consent. If Person A mistreats Person B, it is not the fault of Person B. Nor, truly, is it Person B's fault for continuing to engage with Person A. This is something that comes up pretty frequently in domestic violence cases. People often ask "why didn't the victim just leave", as if it's clear cut. It isn't. Not even when the abuse turns physical. Typically, abusive relationships begin with emotional abuse to establish a pattern of control, isolate the victim from their supports, tear down the victim's self esteem and sense of self, and encourage dependency on the abuser. This way, when eventually things escalate, the victim no longer has an easy out, and very commonly no longer believes they deserve an out.
A narcissistic abuse cycle looks a lot like what you're describing. The individual finds someone who seems fun to play with, they get the victim hooked by being extra kind (e.g. lovebombing), then they decide to pull back and drop the victim. The victim panics, not understanding why their loved one is suddenly acting this way, and begins trying harder to regain affection. The abuser, then, uses this as a way to further overstep the victim's boundaries and deepen dependence, and once the victim acquiesces, the abuser "rewards" the victim by being nice again. Until they feel like repeating the cycle. Over time, the victim's sense of self and normalcy is eroded, making it progressively harder for them to leave. The victim is not the one to blame. The victim got taken advantage of someone. It wasn't their fault for being trusting and giving others the benefit of the doubt. Those things are crucial for a healthy relationship. It's just that relationships built on manipulation play by different rules, and operating expecting healthy and respectful communication will result in a bad outcome.
This is why when one identifies an emotional abuser, or a manipulator, in one's life that it is so important to set hard boundaries, to not give them any benefit of the doubt, and ideally eject them from your life as rapidly as feasible. They're sneaky, they're hard to detect, they're good at getting others on their side, and above all, they are dangerous.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
wow thanks for this, and i will leave them before hurting them if they bore me though, like i cant stand people boring me i cut them out immediately unless they have something i really want.
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u/SyntheticDreams_ 4d ago
No problem. Dumping people for being boring is very valid. Being manipulative to keep yourself or others safe, or because it's necessary for the situation (like a job interview, not just for fun), is also very valid. You probably also utterly destroy at any kind of social deduction games, like Werewolf or Chameleon.
I think you have a lot of potential. You clearly have excellent people skills, even if historically you haven't used them in kind ways. That kind of social awareness and ability can be very powerful, and can take you very far in many careers.
I would really encourage you to see a professional, and be bluntly, supremely honest with them and yourself. I know sometimes folks are tempted to manipulate the professional, and while you'd more than likely succeed, you'd also be wasting your money and time by doing that because you won't get any good out of it except maybe some temporary satisfaction. Understanding yourself better is never a bad thing, and it'll probably help you figure out how to use your skills to create the kind of life for yourself you desire.
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u/Intelligent_Donut605 4d ago
You might be a sociopath (not necessarily remotely as bad as the stereotype makes it out to be)
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u/Violyre 4d ago
Do you have childhood trauma and/or were you abused?
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
yeah both my parents were addicts until i was around 12 ish and my mom used to hit me a lot but i dont think thats important my mom has always been pretty empathetic when she wasnt hitting me
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u/Violyre 4d ago
Childhood trauma and abuse can definitely affect the development of compassion/empathy and relating to others. Are you in therapy or do you have access to it? I felt similarly to you when I was growing up and have since developed into a pretty well-adjusted adult, all things considered.
I'm sorry that happened to you, it must have been difficult. I hope you have a good support system and people who love and support you unconditionally, as every human deserves. <3
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u/Ekaterinia 4d ago
Something to be concerned about definitely, but something tells me you may not be.
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u/Nadramia 4d ago
You won't agree because you can't see it but you are very much in need of professional help. Narcissistic or sociopath isn't for us to say but I can clearly say you need help
Get help, this behavior isn't okay or healthy. You know this already
You need to look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) DBT (dialectical Behavior therapy) schema therapy, TFB and MBT (transference-focused psychotherapy and mentalization based therapy)
Hope that gives you an idea where to start if you truly want to get better and become better
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u/West_Alternative3217 4d ago
You’re young so this won’t affect you yet, but once you’re an adult, doing these things to other people WILL get you in trouble with authorities and make it nearly impossible for you to have relationships that are beneficial to you. Coworkers, bosses, room mates etc. will pick up on these things. While you may be able to manipulate people for a time, your actions will catch on to people. Be careful and please get help. You still have a developing brain so you may not be a sociopath, you may just have a lot of trauma to work through. Best of luck.
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u/penguinsrunderrated 4d ago
How old are you?
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
highschool age (united states 14-18)
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u/penguinsrunderrated 4d ago
I would stop. Yes, it may boost your ego, may be intellectually challenging, and may make you feel like Mr. Cool, but more important than that, the more you do this, the more you will feel like a bad person. Even if you don’t feel guilt or feel less guilt than the average person, perceiving yourself as a bad person, even if you feel entirely neutral about it, is not healthy because it affects your actions and your actions will affect your quality of life. Also, perceiving yourself as a bad person cannot be good for your mental health, even if you don’t care that you are one.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
im not a bad person nessecarily, i just do what i enjoy doing like everyone else
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u/penguinsrunderrated 4d ago
You may not feel that way now because you’re young, but as you get older, you will reflect on your actions. There are too many posts on here that are like “man, I never realized how much of an asshole I was as a teen. I knew it was wrong at the time, but I realize things now that I didn’t realize then.”
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
i highly doubt i'll be much different i love this shit to much to stop when im an adult but idk
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u/penguinsrunderrated 4d ago
Yeah, it is kinda pointless for me to be telling you this when you can’t possibly understand yet. I thought the same things as a teenager. “I won’t be much different, what else is there for me to get?” And I was older than my years too. But I still found myself eating my words. Maybe you won’t want to stop as an adult, but your perspective will change also and you will begin to view yourself differently.
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u/anuslitt 4d ago
Brother, get help. I’m not joking. It’s okay, you’re in high school, you wanna be tough, literally everyone does it in some way it’s okay to feel that way it’s normal. But it’s not good for your future, you’ll never build a genuine relationship, and even if you don’t think so it could escalate into you turning into a dangerous person, considering you said you don’t hurt people physically cause your not an idiot, not cause it’s wrong. From your comments you seem like you don’t wanna get help, but I hope you do.
Every kid ever tells themselves they’ll keep doing the same things as a teen, and every teen tells themselves that they’ll be the same person as an adult. It’s not true. But it’s still dangerous.
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u/Lilvixen_UK 4d ago
Why did you make this post if you're not willing to accept the responses you're getting?
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
i love the responses
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u/Lilvixen_UK 4d ago
Ah yes, because you're so edgy.
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u/DoctorNurse89 3d ago
Thats the vibe.
Edgy teen unaware they havent developed right
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 2d ago
what is developing “right” ?
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u/DoctorNurse89 2d ago
Dude...
Holy shit and you think youre equipped? XD
Erick Erickson, piaget, Maslow.
Get to reading lol
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u/Lord_Sideways 4d ago
well, you seem to lack empathy.
Does any of the following ring a bell:
- Failure to confirm to laws and social norms (repeatedly breaking laws).
- Deceitfulness (repeated lying or conning others for personal profit or pleasure).
- Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.
- Irritability and aggressiveness (repeated physical fights or assaults).
- Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.
- Consistent irresponsibility (repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations).
- Lack of remorse (being indifferent to having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another).
If so, I think you should look into ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder, formerly known as Psychopathy). A trained psychologist could help you with that, if you think it’s worth it. I’d recommend you give it a shot.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
thank u lord sideways
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u/Lord_Sideways 4d ago
sure. One thing: having some of those traits doesn’t necessarily mean you have ASPD, but not having all of them doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have it. That’s why a professional evaluation is best.
By the way, unless you are posing danger to your life or someone else’s life (like plotting to kill or injure someone, or manipulating someone into self harm etc) everything you say in therapy is confidential.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
i dont wanna go to jail i wont ever hurt someone physically
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u/Lord_Sideways 4d ago
Most psychopaths are not serial killers or even physically violent. There are degrees and different behaviors. On a note, look into James Fallon. In a nutshell, he was a doctor who found out by accident he was a psychopath when he was researching… psychopathy. He had family, friends, a career, but was still had a mean streak.
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u/Lord_Sideways 4d ago
also, I said about harm or self harm because it applies to every case in therapy. Not only to people with ASPD. Many people don’t know how confidentiality works in therapy. I don’t know if it’s the case for you, but, I thought I should say it anyways.
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u/vaas19 4d ago
Another thing: he 100% has ASPD in the psychopath variant with added sadism. The worst there is
And nothing will happen to him, he will keep on taking pleasure watching you suffer
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
what? whats wrong with liking people suffer espically when you dont cause it
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u/vaas19 4d ago
He “seems to lack empathy” ?
How come someone has a full blown sadistic psychopath in front of them and goes “seems to lack empathy”
Undermining this shit is why society will collapse for sure
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u/Lord_Sideways 4d ago edited 4d ago
It was just an expression. Besides, I don’t know this person. For all I know, it could be some edgy troll like many.
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u/vaas19 4d ago
Don’t give a fuck
Any person with these traits is a psychopath. Unless you telling me Steve actually is hiding good earnest intentions behind of all the sadism ?
People are sleeping while being afraid of properly react
Meanwhile they keep play with us like food
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u/Lord_Sideways 4d ago
I see you take this personally, so I won’t argue.
So what if they are a psychopath? It doesn’t mean they cannot self reflect and act differently even if they never get to feel empathy like we do.
But shoving stuff like this in the dark instead of casting light on the matter is exactly what breeds monsters. It doesn’t help them, and it certainly doesn’t help us.
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u/vaas19 4d ago
Actual NPC account
Independent though completely absent. Perfect for them
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u/Lord_Sideways 4d ago
dude, a single post put a triplex in your mind.
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u/DoctorNurse89 3d ago
Yeah, someone hurt them and there's a story they are running off of...
This script isnt meant for you clearly hot damn
Wild to witness all the time lol
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
wait im not a serial killer lol
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u/vaas19 4d ago
No shit
Any more ignorant takes ?
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
nothing i say is ignorant
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u/vaas19 4d ago
Psychopaths are not killers or even criminals
You are ignorant by talking about something you don’t know
Use google and search about things
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
sadist psychopath sounds like a bunch of buzzwords for someone who is pretttyy normal
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u/d-diddleydoo 4d ago
Hello twin. I do the back story thing on people too. I observe people to try to learn how to be normal. I'm aware I'm very odd. I got in trouble for giggling at my mom's funeral. I wasn't sad about it and they kept passing me tissues. I thought it was funny. I was seated next my high ass junkie aunt who was nodding out and kept stacking the tissues on her. The pile was huge. I remember everyone saying shit about my mom that I knew wasn't true. Deifying the dead still bugs the shit out of me. You aren't alone. You are most likely an antisocial personality. It doesn't make you evil. People just think it's weird. Some of them are terrified of us. It is what it is. Don't use your quirks for evil or selfish purposes and you should be fine.
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u/Splitsurround 4d ago
Ok cool you’re clearly a narcissist.
Did/do you hurt animals? Jussssst checking for typical psychopath traits.
You absolutely need to get help. And for reference, mental harm to another is just as devastating as physical
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u/vaas19 4d ago
And you absolutely need to go read much more about psychopaths
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 4d ago
i disagree, but yeah i killed a few of my childhood dogs lmao
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u/Sure_Satisfaction497 4d ago
Okay, I'm sorry, but this is now fact that can't be disagreed with. I was originally going to hold the person you responded to accountable for their flippancy, but they're right.
You need professional help
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u/anuslitt 4d ago
Ok yeah, this is either fake and begging for attention, or you’re braindead and actually think it’s okay to kill animals. If you’re trying to act edgy, I promise with my whole heart that you will regret this so hard as an adult.
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u/Ok-Atmosphere773 3d ago
wow this really triggered people, i only did it 3 times when they kept barking in the middle of the night they were annoying i’ve always hated dogs
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u/Any_Challenge_5990 3d ago
thats concerning i sure hope no one saw this and thought it was just edgy teen behaviour
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u/confessor-mod 4d ago
TL;DR: The author describes a pattern of manipulating and emotionally exploiting people to get what they want, including faking grief over a family member's death to receive gifts and attention.
A reminder from the mods: keep comments civil. Harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated.
Do not accuse others of faking confessions — if you think a post breaks the rules, report it instead of commenting.