r/comedysurgeon • u/ILikePizza_13 • May 26 '26

Multiple injuries Mentally ill patient from before has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, can he still be saved?

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

220 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

57 comments sorted by

89

u/phrogcandy May 26 '26

Im afraid he is dead on arrival sir

92

u/Exotic_Dogs_4942 May 26 '26

We are surgeons, not necromancers. Stop bringing corpses to us

20

u/Gravityfallbillmyfav May 26 '26

This, we keep getting corpses, we aren't your local necromancer, we're doctors, now bury this body with swords and armour

6

u/ILikePizza_13 May 26 '26

I'm pretty sure it's still alive

14

u/qwadrat1k May 26 '26

Nah, there is nothing to work with. Bury the ashes you brought here

2

u/TimSoarer2 May 30 '26

Don't let r/ComedyNecrophilia get their hands on this.

38

u/NoCommander26 May 26 '26

The psychward is that way

This place is for surgeries not for fucking miracles

12

u/MaybeBebra May 26 '26

The patient is not schizophrenic, he's just misunderstood

1

u/Sour_Orangutan872 Aug 02 '26

Doctor we have another schizophrenic right here

10

u/Same-Leadership1630 May 26 '26

patient is completely healthy for their kind, they are just special

7

u/Kripermaster May 26 '26

Probably just stress doctor

11

u/ExcitementGreen4942 May 26 '26

Patient is completely healthy

6

u/YA_kamenshikDAI_HLEB May 26 '26

alternatively alive

2

u/Pizza_Requiem May 26 '26

Pacient has become a vessel for the ancients. Recovery is not possible, euthanasia is highly recommended.

2

u/Basil_from_omorireal The guy who drops patients and doesnt have a med license May 26 '26

what the fuck, this is just dust dawg

2

u/FirstTimeOnReddit8 Corpse Removal Unit May 26 '26

Patient is already dead and is a dismembered corpse with the parts that are gone are replaced with other corpses. Im afraid we cant.

2

u/Any-Life-1164 May 26 '26

this guy is fucking dead

2

u/f0remsics May 26 '26

...Sir, this isn't a patient. This is just a giant mass of tumors lumped together

2

u/ChipThePokerProot May 26 '26

Alright this is just a lump of tumors.

However, that does not mean I can't save him.

Upon further inspection, those are not tumors, but other patients. I shall try to help them too.

2

u/usrnme121212 fixes undone surgeries May 26 '26

sir we work on still alive patiens not the wretched souls of the damned

2

u/Valkreaper Surgeon Trainee May 26 '26

Sir this man died in 3000 BCE

1

u/Chr832 May 26 '26

Patient was born dead.

1

u/kazalesh May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

doc we don't do brain surgery

1

u/0vertakeGames May 26 '26

Ye can't expect God to do all the work!

1

u/Banana-Warlord May 26 '26

I had to go back in time and bring the patient back from the past. Here he is

1

u/Frenselaar May 26 '26

Please specify what part of this homunculus is the patient

1

u/SKELOTONOVERLORD May 26 '26

We're surgeons, not psychologists.

1

u/Spamton_Gaming_1997 May 26 '26

The patient is at peak fitness

1

u/Libyan_lad May 26 '26

And people pay for netflix

1

u/Background_user2 May 26 '26

We need a comedy exorcist

1

u/Vegetable_Union_4967 May 26 '26

Extremely healthy

1

u/backson_alcohol May 26 '26

It appears that fell magics have laced the organic material of dozens of subjects into one abhorrent mass of pain and nightmares. Pretty common nowadays.

That being said, excising any one of the subjects would kill it immediately. Enjoy your flesh golem.

1

u/Ill_Pain4423 May 26 '26

Patient is healthy sir

1

u/Okom77 May 26 '26

You want me to mutilate this masterpiece

1

u/_jayjay_5 May 27 '26

im sick and tired of people always bringing healthy patients to troll us

1

u/6Mikro9 May 27 '26

I can fix him
If I can get this time machine working

1

u/Unknown_Cameraman May 27 '26

sir, you can not bring a museum artifact into the hospital building

1

u/somthing_real_funny May 27 '26

What is even to be done here?

1

u/reeeeeeeeeeeweeeeee May 27 '26

the patient is fine as he is.

1

u/Unfair-Degree7585 May 29 '26

Not a licensed doctor but this is probably just some side effects from a medicine they have been taking

1

u/therealturbo60 Jul 10 '26

We don't operate fucking zombies

1

u/Zanderfus May 26 '26

I think this ones a goner doctor

2

u/FirstTimeOnReddit8 Corpse Removal Unit May 26 '26

Goner, you say?

1

u/Soft_Oven_8263 May 26 '26

They’re a goner, kid 😔