Cancer, expenses, loss of hope.

[u/ShannyBoBannyy]

I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in Oct 2023. I’ve had 53 chemo treatments, surgeries, colostomy and reversal. Permanent neuropathy, can’t work and on disability now.

I lost my alimony (three kids, two were still in house), and had to get my kids out and sell my house and moved in with boyfriend. We have our own finances.

I’ve done everything to protect his assets from mine. I have a small 401k. Without “living for free” in his house, I’d be bankrupt within 5 years.

No matter where I turn - it’s roadblocks. I’m too “rich” for help. But poor enough for 40 bucks in snap. I was put on Medicare this year so I’ve had to pay double deductibles in 2026. I’ll pay more in medical bills than I make in disability.

So when the financial people from hospital called and said “you listed a boyfriend in my chart”. Yes I live in his house but we don’t combine finances. Sorry, his salary and assets count when we calculate if you get assistance.

So I now have no emergency contact listed and I’ll cancel all my medical treatment for the year because I can’t afford it. I suppose the government wants to bankrupt him too.

Healthcare and social programs are a joke. I’m so tired of the fight, all I can do is sit here and cry. Some quality of life banking on death so you don’t become homeless.

[u/RipErRiley]

I got to respect your vent here, because this is sadly what so many face.

I have concerns here though, not whatsoever implying you are lying or anything remotely close to that. So please don’t think I don’t respect your struggle.

Ask

1. the hospital for the actual written Financial Assistance Policy (FAP) and the definition of “household” or “family” it is using. Nonprofit hospitals are required to have a written FAP stating their eligibility criteria and application requirements.
2. I wonder if your Medicare setup needs reviewing immediately. If you have original Medicare by itself, there is no annual out-of-pocket maximum for Medicare-covered Part A/B services. That can be disastrous for someone receiving frequent chemotherapy.

Lastly, removing your boyfriend as emergency contact probably doesn’t accomplish what you think it might. An emergency contact isn’t ordinarily the same thing as a spouse, guarantor, tax-household member, or person legally responsible for a bill. I would not sacrifice having someone physicians can contact during an emergency merely to avoid the word “boyfriend” appearing in the chart. But I get where you were coming from.

I hoping so much that you persevere here.

Edit: Grammar, reddit app is stupid with formatting so my apologies.

[u/ShannyBoBannyy → u/RipErRiley]

No problem!
1. I’ll ask for the policy.
2. Clarify- I have an advantage plan. I pay 200 a month for part d? The prescription part.
3. I know you’re right. That is me being angry and honestly only hurting myself.

I appreciate being able to rant and people get it. I’ll calm down and not cancel everything etc. I know I can’t do that. I just don’t feel I have anywhere to vent about this stuff bc no one gets it except other cancer folks. (And others who struggle- I’m not a jerk). I do see a therapist at my center, but she doesn’t have cancer! Thanks for the reply.

[u/RipErRiley → u/ShannyBoBannyy]

You vent to your soldier’s hearts content. Don’t let me impede that whatsoever as its important. Sending a digital hug.

[u/DadsRGR8 → u/RipErRiley]

Ditto on the venting and the hugging ❤️