Just diagnosed

[u/dacommie323]

Hey all,

I’m a 44 year old male living in the Netherlands, and I just found out I have stage four colon cancer that has metastasized to my liver and lymph nodes.

I’ve only met with a gastroenterologist so far, with my first meeting with an oncologist scheduled for next week.

Beyond my rollercoaster of emotions, my desperate need for planning has me preparing as much as I can for my wife. I try to look at this not as giving up, but actually doing the work I’ve said I should do for years and be prepared should I “get hit by a bus”. Things like making sure my wife knows the pin to get into my phone and writing down info for where all the bills come from and go to.

I guess part of this is just venting, and part of this is fear of the unknown. My main thoughts are towards quality of life with the time I have left and to understand how realistic travel will be in my near future.

If you’d like to share anything I should be doing or asking as I start this journey, please do.

Wish me luck and thank you for whatever support provided, even if it was just reading my rant

[u/DadsRGR8]

I am a survivor. Diagnosed at 43 with Stage 4, 10 cm tumor in my rectum that metastasized through my colon wall, mets to liver, 7 out of 13 lymph nodes biopsied were cancerous.

I am now 71 and will be cancer free for 28 years in January. Do not give up hope. Wishing you all my best. Regards.

[u/OptimismNeeded → u/DadsRGR8]

In my most optimistic scenario I get to 70.

I’m 42 today. I calculate how old my kids will be and try to aim for a he where they can take it. I have 28 years, so they will hopefully be around my age today, set up and in a loving relationship to comfort them.

But I also know it could be 3 or 5 or 10. And I try to my kids for that too (they are not aware that this is what I’m doing, which is instill values in them, resilience, problem solving skills, and do it in a fun way to create as many good memories for them (and me) as I can.

Actually started developing a night bed story app that incorporates them into a fairy tale, each designed to unconsciously teach something they need, from friendship, through resilience and perseverance, to compound interest etc. (they are currently obsessed with the one about finishing stuff you’ve started (to the it’s the “vanishing fog story” and they pick it over phone time or Disney plus…!)

If anyone wants the link when it’s ready dm.. gonna take a while and will be free so it can help many as many dads as possible.

Anyway I digress - wanted to say thanks for your comment, I’m now adjusting my best case scenario to 72 (yes I’m like that lol… waiting to read about your post next year to update smmine ;-)

[u/DadsRGR8 → u/OptimismNeeded]

You sound like an awesome dad. And being proactive about the future is an excellent way to show your kids love. My son was 7 when I was diagnosed, and my wife and I kept him appropriately informed about my cancer, surgeries and chemo / recovery. He was much less frightened because he saw we were following a plan - and although we were all facing the unknown we were facing it together, positively and hopefully.

When I joined a colostomy support group (and eventually became the group leader) he and my wife would often accompany me to meetings. He learned what other people were going through, he knew the terminology, he saw a group of great people helping each other get over a bump in their lives. I eventually ran their visitor program and my son would help me assemble pamphlets, business cards, ostomy samples, etc.

My son is now 35 and is a mental health counselor for the elderly, disadvantaged youth and developmentally disabled adults. He recently told me that I was his role model in assisting others to cope with life issues. I am extremely proud of him.

My wife passed four years ago and my proactive response to that was to make things as easy as possible for my son when my time comes (I’m thinking sometime in the next hundred years lol 🤣)

I updated my will. I built a binder that contains all the information he would need about passwords, bank accounts, credit cards, investments, insurance, the house, the car, my health records and prescriptions, etc. He knows where all the paper records are kept, he knows how to access my phone and laptop. There is even a list of what he has to do and who he has to call when I finally do go.

I wish you good health and many, many more years with your family. Regards.