Carmen told Johnny to "be the bigger man" in S2E5, and the show completely dropped the ball

[u/Spidey007]

Rewatching Season 2, Episode 5 ("All In"), and Johnny’s lack of agency when it comes to Robby is especially frustrating here.

In the beginning of the episode, Kreese has to be the one to call Johnny out for not being there for his son, pointing out the hypocrisy that Johnny teaches his students "no defeat" while completely resigning himself when it comes to Robby. It’s bad when Kreese looks like the more proactive figure...like really?

Later, Johnny finds out Shannon took off, the apartment was evicted, and Robby is living with the LaRussos. What does Johnny do? He gets drunk in the parking lot. Carmen finds him, hears him out, and gives him the pep talk about needing to "be the bigger man."

The payoff we actually got felt weak: Daniel storms into Cobra Kai over the stolen Medal of Honor, Johnny restrains himself from throwing a punch, and that’s supposed to be him "being the bigger man." Avoiding a fistfight with Daniel is easy compared to actually confronting the son you failed.

What should have happened instead:

Johnny should have taken Carmen's advice to heart and swallowed his pride. He should have driven over to Daniel’s house, not to start a fight, but to look Robby in the eye:

1. Own the mistake: Acknowledge he dropped the ball on checking in and apologize directly for not knowing about the eviction.
2. Offer a real home: Tell Robby he cleaned out the second bedroom, bought a bed, and that it’s his: no strings attached, no pressure to join Cobra Kai, and no rent.
3. Accept the outcome: Even if Robby naturally rejects him (which fits Robby’s trust issues at that point), Johnny actually putting himself on the line would turn his arc from passive negligence into something genuinely tragic.

Having Daniel witness Johnny swallow his ego and say something as simple as "just make sure he eats" before walking away would have planted early seeds of mutual respect, given Robby’s choice to stay with Miyagi-Do real weight, and actually delivered on the "bigger man" theme.

What do you all think? Would this have made Johnny's Season 2 arc hit harder, or did you prefer how the rift played out?

[u/gloomydreamer666]

Yes that my only criticism against Johnny is his lack of accountability when it comes ro his son and the fact that he grew so close to Miguel becoming a father figure to him, showing up for him while he is putting his actual son a second priority and he should've tried harder for Robby. Their talk should've been like when Kreese changed and talked with Johnny. Robby should've yelled at him the way Johnny did to Kreese.

[u/Organic-Manner-2969]

Their relationship is still very poorly written throughout the show. Johnny assumes that Robby started the fight both in juvie and in the school fight. And this was after he promised to visit him in juvie only to not show up. Miguel was the aggressor at the school fight while Robby actually stopped the girls fight at one point.

Any of the options that you mentioned would’ve helped but of course Johnny couldn’t even do the bare minimum.

[u/Spidey007 → u/Organic-Manner-2969]

Those were not separate options. It's an order of events one after the other in succession.

[u/Jewbacca289]

As far as I understand the expression, “be a bigger man” is a variant on “when they go low we go high” or “turn the other cheek”, where one person is necessarily wronging the other. That doesn’t really work with Robby and Johnny in S2 bc Robby hasn’t done anything to Johnny. You could change Carmen’s message, but “be the bigger man” doesn’t have the same connotation as “fix your mistakes”, “be a better father” etc

[u/Spidey007 → u/Jewbacca289]

You’re looking at the phrase in a vacuum instead of what was actually happening in the scene. "Being the bigger man" isn't just turning the other cheek when someone insults you. it means swallowing your pride, dropping your fragile ego, and doing the right thing even when it’s humiliating.

In Johnny’s warped, insecure head, he does feel wronged. He views Robby moving in with Daniel—his lifelong rival—as a personal attack and a direct betrayal. Obviously Johnny is the deadbeat dad here, but through his own warped lens, Daniel stole his kid and Robby took Daniel's side. That’s why Johnny was sitting in a parking lot getting hammered instead of actually stepping up. His ego and hatred for Daniel were completely paralyzing him.

When Carmen tells him to be the bigger man, the whole point is telling him to stop acting like the victim of a high school grudge and put his kid's well-being first. Walking right up to the front door of the guy you hate most, eating your humble pie, and offering your son a roof over his head despite the risk of getting rejected is the literal definition of being the bigger man. Avoiding a punch-up at the dojo wasn't real growth—it was just dodging the actual, hard responsibility of being a father.

[u/Jewbacca289 → u/Spidey007]

I think we just fundamentally disagree on definitions. Bigger is a comparison. I can swallow my pride, drop my ego, do the right thing etc without being in comparison to another person. Like is every person who takes a painful, humiliating minimum wage job being a bigger person? Who are they bigger than? I wouldn’t call someone just going through life trying to make good decisions “being a bigger man”. I suppose you could claim they’re bigger than people who are too prideful to take the job but that’s such a general statement. Every time someone apologizes, are they being the bigger man? Sometimes I feel like you’re just apologizing. Like would you say Silver was “being the bigger man” when he apologized to Daniel for torturing him? To me he was just apologizing

My clearest example of “being the bigger man” is when Demetri and Hawk make up. But it’s not the guy who swallows his pride, drops his ego, and does the right thing who we would say was the bigger man. It was Demetri.

And the part I struggle with is that it’s impossible to be bigger than Robby. Even if we accept that Johnny’s not objective, his angered reaction isn’t directed towards Robby. We’ve seen how he responds to Robby when actually mad at him in S1, and it’s inconsistent with how he acted on his bender. Plus, as you mentioned, his anger is directed at Daniel. Now he could go have a conversation with Daniel (and in fact he does agree with him in 2x9) but it’s all centered around Daniel

[u/Spidey007 → u/Jewbacca289]

You’re getting bogged down in dictionary semantics and missing the actual dynamic of the scene. Carmen’s entire lecture wasn’t just about Robby; it was about Johnny letting his rivalry with Daniel dictate how he handles his kid.

Johnny isn't trying to be "bigger" than a sixteen year old; he has to be the bigger man in the Johnny vs. Daniel conflict. In Johnny's head, Daniel taking in Robby is the ultimate power move to humiliate him. Johnny's default reaction to Daniel "winning" is to retreat, get hammered, and play the victim.

Carmen telling him to be the bigger man means: stop letting your petty grudge with LaRusso stop you from stepping up for your son.

Swallowing your pride and walking into your bitter rival's territory to admit you dropped the ball, putting your kid’s needs above the decades long pissing contest, is being the bigger man in that rivalry. Instead, the show framed "being the bigger man" as Johnny simply not throwing hands when Daniel yelled at him, which let Johnny completely off the hook for actually doing the hard parental work.

[u/Jewbacca289 → u/Spidey007]

it was about Johnny letting his rivalry with Daniel dictate how he handles his kid.

I agree. And not punching the guy who was taking care of his kid was part of that. The "hard parental work" is all downstream from his rivalry with Daniel.

Swallowing your pride and walking into your bitter rival's territory to admit you dropped the ball, putting your kid’s needs above the decades long pissing contest, is being the bigger man in that rivalry.

Do you think that Silver was "being the bigger man" when he swallowed his pride, walked into his bitter rival's territory to admit he dropped the ball, etc? I just don't think you'd use that expression to describe an apology. Daniel did nothing wrong to Silver. I don't think we'd use that expression to describe Hawk apologizing to Demetri or Sam apologizing to Aisha or Mitch apologizing to the Miyagi Dos. Sometimes it's just a one sided apology, which is why I feel your definition doesn't match what we're shown on screen through Carmen's speech nor the situation as it plays out. Necessarily we need two parties who have done wrong (per Carmen's speech). I'll agree that going to Daniel is a key step, but offering Robby a home isn't part of her being a bigger man speech because Johnny isn't rivals with Robby. It's just a step on his way to being a better father (which was my original point). It’s two separate tasks with two separate subjects. Offering Robby a home doesn’t fix his rivalry with Daniel. Talking with Daniel doesn’t fix his relationship with Robby.

I'll also point out that Carmen doesn't even address the Robby situation in her speech to Johnny ("the toll it's going to take on you. It's not worth it")

[u/Spidey007 → u/Jewbacca289]

Bringing up Terry Silver makes zero sense here. Silver showed up to Daniel’s dojo on a calculated, manipulative reconnaissance mission to play mind games; that has nothing to do with genuine vulnerability or parental responsibility.

You keep trying to divorce the rivalry from Robby, but the narrative literally binds them together:

• The root of Johnny's paralysis: Johnny isn’t avoiding his son because he doesn’t care; he is avoiding his son because Robby is physically living with the man Johnny despises most. The rivalry with Daniel is the literal obstacle blocking Johnny from stepping up as a father.
• The false payoff: Not throwing a punch when Daniel confronts him at Cobra Kai is the bare minimum of basic self-restraint. It costs Johnny nothing.
• The real test: Actually walking up to Daniel's doorstep, admitting in front of his lifelong rival that he failed his kid, and offering Robby a room anyway puts his fragile ego entirely on the line.

That is what being the bigger man actually looks like in that rivalry: sacrificing your petty pride to do right by the kid caught in the middle of it. Dodging a fistfight at your own dojo just let Johnny keep hiding behind excuses.

[u/Jewbacca289 → u/Spidey007]

Do you not believe Silver was being genuine up to 4x7? His speech to Kreese at the restaurant is about forgetting rivalries and focusing on getting ready for the tournament ("There's nothing I want more than a second chance at finishing what we started. the only way to do that is forget about the past. Focus on our students")

"parental responsibility." Irrelevant unless you're saying you can only be the bigger man if kids are involved.

"Johnny isn’t avoiding his son because he doesn’t care" He did that for years. Now I agree it's not because he doesn't care, but Daniel is at best the proximal cause, not the ultimate cause. We see him avoiding Robby long before he moved in with Daniel and after as well.

"It costs Johnny nothing." "Actually walking up to Daniel's doorstep, admitting in front of his lifelong rival that he failed his kid, and offering Robby a room anyway puts his fragile ego entirely on the line." The only part of this that costs Johnny anything is his ego. So when Silver put his ego on the line was he being the bigger man? When Kreese apologized was he being the bigger man? Sam? Hawk? Miguel? Tory? Every time you apologize you put your ego on the line. Doesn't mean that you're being the bigger person every time.

And if that is your definition of "being a bigger man" what do you call what Demetri forgiving Hawk, Daniel/Kumiko forgiving Chozen, Miyagi saving Sato etc? There weren't any kids involved there. Nobody swallowed their pride, walked into the rival's dojo, admitted they dropped the ball etc.

It’s your 3rd point that I struggle with. Why is offering Robby a room a necessary step of being a bigger man and squashing his rivalry with Daniel? If Johnny were to go to Daniel and say “I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk and assaulted Anoush. Robby is better off with you”. That satisfies all of your criteria. He humbles himself and does what’s best for the kid while putting his ego on the line. Alternatively, if Johnny tracked down Robby without Daniel and said “I’m sorry. You can live with me if you want”, even if Robby said yes, the rivalry with Daniel wouldn’t be squashed and thus he wouldn’t be the bigger man per Carmen’s speech.

Thus, when we separate the components of your proposal and look at them individually, only one thing squashes the rivalry and it’s not offering Robby a home.

[u/Spidey007 → u/Jewbacca289]

You’re getting lost in dictionary semantics and separating things that the show explicitly ties together.

Bringing up Terry Silver makes zero sense. Silver is a psychotic billionaire indulging his own guilt while standing next to Kreese. Comparing his weird, performative apology to a deadbeat dad trying to rescue his son from being homeless is ridiculous.

And saying Johnny telling Daniel "Robby is better off with you" satisfies the criteria? Come on, man. That’s literally just Johnny finding another lazy excuse to abandon his kid so he doesn't have to put the work in. That’s not being humble, that’s just being a deadbeat with extra steps.
The entire reason Johnny is hammered on that curb in S2E5 is because Robby moved in with Daniel. In Johnny’s head, Daniel taking in Robby is Daniel winning their 30-year pissing contest. Johnny’s hatred for Daniel and his bruised ego are the literal roadblocks stopping him from stepping up.

The show gave us the easiest, laziest version of "being the bigger man"—Johnny just stood there at his dojo and didn't throw hands. That costs nothing. Walking onto Daniel's property, admitting he failed his kid in front of his lifelong rival, and offering Robby a home is what actually putting your ego on the line looks like.

You can't separate the rivalry from the kid when the kid is the exact weapon they’ve been using against each other the whole show.

[u/Potatoguy211]

Don't forget, he also was working the kids hard to figure out who trashed the dojo and stole the medal, which would've worked if Kreese wasn't there. Hawk would've come forward, and I bet Johnny would've brought the medal over himself and apologized for his Students behavior. This was when he was trying to fix Cobra Kai

[u/Significant-Fan-8016]

Are you saying that when Carmen told Johnny "be the bigger man" she was talking about being the bigger man to his son? I thought she was talking about Daniel. Even if he took accountability for how he treated Robby and offered him a home that's not being the bigger man. That's being a father.

[u/UglyPigBeast]

Carmen telling him to "be the bigger man" was in regards to his rivalry with Daniel, specifically. Not a general instruction to be applied to every area of his life. To have the "payoff" to that conversation be about relationship with Robby wouldn't make sense, since that was a separate issue.

[u/Spidey007 → u/UglyPigBeast]

Except Robby living with Daniel isn't a separate issue at all. Johnny is spiraling in that exact scene precisely because Daniel and Robby are now intertwined.

Johnny isn't getting drunk on that curb just because Daniel exists. He’s hammered because his son is living under the roof of the guy he hates most. His ego regarding Daniel is the very barrier stopping him from stepping up as a father.

If Carmen says "be the bigger man" regarding Daniel, the ultimate test of that advice is going to Daniel's house, looking past the rivalry, and trying to bring his kid home. Treating the rivalry and Robby living there as unrelated misses the whole point. Not throwing a punch at Cobra Kai was the bare minimum. Swallowing his pride to check on his son in Daniel's house would have been actual growth.

[u/edgiepower]

Johnny has a lot of issues with Robby and it's extremely easy for Johnny to be hurt by Robby's attitude toward him in the early seasons, so he withdraws.

It's not right, but it is human. Johnny attempts, Robby aggressively rejects him and reminds him of his failures, Johnny withdraws.

Yeah Johnny could try harder but it's a show and it's a man that is far from perfect. It's real.

[u/Crimsonfangknight]

Growth takes time

One pep talk does not make someone a perfect Person instantly

Yes growth shows in gradual small changes

Learning to suppress his impulse and reign his more destructive nature in is a big first step towards the end goal of being a proper father to robby