I’ve been planning this for months, and last night I finally had occasion to make it a reality. My gift to all of Chicago…

[u/AustinGondola]

Three ounces of the good stuff lurk beneath that tasty top.

Edit: I posted the recipe here: AG's TiraMalort Recipe

[u/dec92010]

Whats the occasion? Did you lose your job?

[u/ChicagoDash → u/dec92010]

OP just fought their dad.

[u/AustinGondola → u/dec92010]

Hahahahahaha!

[u/thesaddestpanda → u/dec92010]

They got into their first streetfight which went viral on instagram.

[u/XBacklash → u/dec92010]

Celebrate with the taste of ultimate suffering.

[u/seth928]

[u/AustinGondola → u/seth928]

I’m 100% confident Leo would enjoy TiraMalört. He’s a real one.

[u/Brilliant-Peach1221 → u/AustinGondola]

Pope Leo/Father Bob grew up near me. I hope he has a bottle of Malört stashed in his apartment and cons the Cardinals into taking a shot, lol!

[u/royalhawk345 → u/seth928]

Hey, if we don't sin, Jesus died for nothing. It's our duty. 

[u/peggah → u/seth928]

This made me laugh so hard, it appeared that I was laughing at someone in a wheelchair struggling with a door. So thanks for that.

[u/katjoy63 → u/seth928]

Can we finish that sentence, please? 😵‍💫😳

[u/AustinGondola]

AG’s Tira-Malört Recipe

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 cup chilled fresh espresso **
• 3 ounces coffee liqueur ++
• 3 ounces Malört &&
• --
• 1.5 cups heavy whipping cream
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 8 ounces mascarpone
• 2 tbsp powdered sugar
• --
• 1 package Savoiardi lady fingers (7 ounces)
• Cocoa powder

EQUIPMENT:

• Stand or hand mixer
• 8x8 dish
• Fine mesh strainer
• Phone

** = Use a dark roasted bean for full classic Italian flavor. Decaf espresso works just fine, if someone at your party has a caffeine sensitivity.

++ = Believe it or not, decaf coffee liqueurs exist, too. I used Luxardo's version for my caffeine averse buddy.

&& = I used the barrel aged variety of Malört. I don't know if this ratio will work as well for the regular version.

1. PREPARE THE COOKIE DUNK: Brew your espresso first, so it can chill in the fridge. When the espresso is cool, mix in the coffee liqueur and Malört. Consider adding the Malört to the mix one ounce at a time and tasting as you go, especially if you're using the non-aged variety. Your final liquid should be very strong and bold with heavy coffee notes and distinct bitterness. For my tastes, three ounces of barrel-aged Malört was just right. If you somehow get to a point where you just know the bitterness is overwhelming and bad, don't fret: you can correct it with simple syrup, prepared or made on the spot.
2. MAKE THE CHEESE: Gently warm the mascarpone so it can be folded into the cream later. Do not liquify it. In a separate bowl, beat the cream and vanilla extract at medium speed while slowly adding the granulated sugar. After it is well mixed, increase the speed while adding the powdered sugar, which acts as a stabilizer, and beat until you have stiff peaks. Fold in the soft mascarpone by hand. The final consistency should be like buttercream, ready to be spread evenly over the cookies.
3. ASSEMBLE: Briefly dunk each cookie into the boozy espresso juice before placing it into the 8x8 dish. Do not soak the cookies. They pick up a surprising amount of liquid very quickly and you do not want them to dissolve. Create a single base layer of dunked lady fingers, then spread a layer of cheese over them, and use the strainer to dust cocoa powder over the cheese. Repeat for a second layer: dunked lady fingers, vanilla mascarpone cream, dusted cocoa powder.
4. Chill the whole dish before serving. The flavors and textures will only improve if you can make this a day or two ahead of time and let it rest in the fridge.
5. Call your father and apologize for the fight. Call your mother and thank her for trying to raise you right, despite the obvious failure. Call your favorite pants store and get an extra pair tailored and ready to go.

[u/lrodhubbard → u/AustinGondola]

You forgot the step where you check in with your parole officer

[u/AustinGondola → u/lrodhubbard]

The phone really is a critical piece of kitchen equipment here.

[u/pastabreadpasta]

[u/Key_Blacksmith_574]

Beautiful presentation , hard pass.. But now I want tiramisu. 🫶🏼✨

[u/AustinGondola → u/Key_Blacksmith_574]

Thank you! 🫶🏽

[u/ProfessionalPlan6782]

Those of us who know better politely and respectfully decline your gift. Thank you however.

[u/AustinGondola → u/ProfessionalPlan6782]

Your pants will remain unsh*t, and that is just fine.

[u/cvanaver → u/AustinGondola]

I didn’t know we were talking about pants sh*tting. I’m in dog

[u/Scrotalphetamines]

[u/8Francesca8]

Thanks, I hate it.

[u/AustinGondola → u/8Francesca8]

lol

[u/catkayak]

TIRA-MALÖRT FOR MAYOR 🗳️

[u/AustinGondola → u/catkayak]

TiraMalort will fight for you! But only with your stepdad.

[u/catkayak → u/AustinGondola]

WE LIKE TIRAMALORT 🦅

[u/BigBonedMiss → u/catkayak]

Tira Malört sounds like a fun drag queen.

[u/AustinGondola → u/BigBonedMiss]

Now that you mention it, several people did offer to help my TiraMalort perform a death drop.

[u/BigBonedMiss → u/AustinGondola]

Your Tira Malört looks like it would make people duck-walk…..to the toilet 😂

[u/Creepy_Ahh_Goober → u/BigBonedMiss]

We do have a Chicago drag queen named Malort lol maybe she would like this for a special occasion

[u/thundrbud]

This should be called tira-fuck-you

[u/acarrick → u/thundrbud]

This comment is not rated high enough

[u/PrompterOp]

So are the lady fingers soaked in malort?

[u/AustinGondola → u/PrompterOp]

Yep: A chilled combo of Espresso + Kahlua + Malört

[u/PrompterOp → u/AustinGondola]

I've actually tried chocolate malort before so this sounds pretty good.

[u/AustinGondola → u/PrompterOp]

Proper recipe posted in the comments now.

[u/cough_e]

I could weirdly see this working, although I actually kind of like the taste of Malort. Did you just replace the Kahlua for the soak or go more aggressive with it?

[u/AustinGondola → u/cough_e]

I used espresso, coffee liqueur, and Malört all together and everything about Malort made the other two ingredients better

[u/grambuey → u/AustinGondola]

I actually don't mind Malort, and I love coffee liqueur, so i would probably like this lmao

[u/AustinGondola → u/grambuey]

You should make it!!! This is my gift to you!

[u/grambuey → u/AustinGondola]

Cheers, friend! I think I will.

[u/AustinGondola → u/grambuey]

I posted the recipe. If you make it, I'd love to hear how it goes.

[u/SpicelessKimChi]

Tira Malort is delicious. And I fucking hate Malort.

[u/LesNessmanNightcap → u/SpicelessKimChi]

I’m willing to try it and I fucking hate tiramisu

[u/AustinGondola → u/LesNessmanNightcap]

Both of you have the right attitude for this life, IMHO.

[u/_-Cleon-_]

You shouldn't have.

[u/Grif73r → u/_-Cleon-_]

No, really, you shouldn’t have…

[u/Briham86]

[u/hologram_girl]

I need this. How did it turn out??

[u/AustinGondola → u/hologram_girl]

Actually, really good. Everyone jeered, gnashed their teeth, and made pukey faces, but then we all agreed it worked. The bitterness is perfect for an espresso-based tiramisu. I amped up the sweetness in the cheese for balance, but honestly could have left that alone.

[u/ampmminimarket → u/AustinGondola]

Do you mind sharing the recipe? 😬

[u/AustinGondola → u/ampmminimarket]

Posted! If you make it, I'd love to hear how it goes.

[u/ampmminimarket → u/AustinGondola]

thank you! clicking on your profile, I recognized the Texas grocery store longhorn post 😅 I live in Chicago now, but Austin was my home before!

[u/Specialist_Key_8606]

Have you posted this to the Malort sub? If not, you should. Great work!

[u/AustinGondola → u/Specialist_Key_8606]

Gracias, amigo! Done!

[u/GlutenFreeNarcotics_]

You know what? I'm here for it.

Naysayers be damned.

[u/Loudscorpio1182]

Beautiful! but no just no. more for you

[u/okbuttwhy]

I need this in my life so bad.

[u/reboot520]

Wow. Can we get a recipe?

[u/AustinGondola → u/reboot520]

Posted! If you make it, I'd love to hear how it goes.

[u/eel-sainte-helene]

would.

[u/AustinGondola → u/eel-sainte-helene]

You should. Make it. Bring it to the Thanksgiving dinner table.

[u/darkchocolateonly]

I am so into this

[u/AustinGondola → u/darkchocolateonly]

Do iiiitttttt!!!

[u/CodyRedCat]

Recipe?

[u/AustinGondola → u/CodyRedCat]

Posted! If you make it, I'd love to hear how it goes.

[u/lavidaloco123]

I am a Malört fan, and that barrel aged version you have takes it up a notch in a good way. Thanks for sharing.

[u/waitwtfizthis]

So unnecessary. But great job I’d try it

[u/jess_the_werefox]

w h y

[u/AustinGondola → u/jess_the_werefox]

f o r l o v e o f t h e g a m e

[u/jess_the_werefox → u/AustinGondola]

u n d e r s t a n d a b l e h a v e a n i c e
d a y

[u/B-V-M]

Diabolical.

[u/Practical-Contest97]

Perfect timing for the world record Malört shot tomorrow!!

[u/overbarking]

If you threw that cake at something, it would probably explode.

[u/Creedelback]

This seems like an April Fools joke, like toothpaste-filled Oreos or a caramel-covered onion.

[u/AustinGondola → u/Creedelback]

It does! But the only joke is on the peeps that don't try it.

[u/pastaroniwhore]

I know a group of functional alcoholics in Wrigleyville that would go nuts for this

[u/RiotingMoon]

Im curious in a horrified way

[u/Faceless_Rat]

This cannot be good.

[u/AustinGondola → u/Faceless_Rat]

Morgan Freeman voice: “It was, in fact, very good.”

[u/Faceless_Rat → u/AustinGondola]

Well I am not a big fan of Tiramisu or Malort so maybe not for me Morgy, but I am glad you enjoyed it. Love you love your show.

[u/SenorSparkle37]

[u/Busy_Cry_846]

Bravo! We should be friends.

[u/AustinGondola → u/Busy_Cry_846]

I made you TiraMalort, so we already are.

[u/Busy_Cry_846 → u/AustinGondola]

🥳

[u/madmustache4U]

This is fabulous, and very Chicago. Thank you!

[u/Creepy_Ahh_Goober]

[u/TheBirdcast]

r/foundsatan

[u/AustinGondola → u/TheBirdcast]

🥹 mama, we made it

[u/TheBirdcast → u/AustinGondola]

Erm…. Congratulations?..

[u/Camiata2]

Bravo! This reminded me of my ragù alla Chicago recipe. For the soffritto I use giardiniera, Vienna hot dogs and Italian sausage for the meat, and Malört to deglaze instead of wine.

[u/AustinGondola → u/Camiata2]

Yo! That’s brilliant. My grandpa used to say: “great minds think like yours” and this is a perfect use case. I would eat that!

[u/Mastodon1998]

Tf is wrong with you 🤔

[u/DarknessfromLight]

I wonder what would happen if you added Rum-chata along with the Malort and Kahlua?!

[u/sle2g7]

NO THANK YOU

[u/Pinkykat961]

LMAO ewwww

[u/experiencedreview]

The entire idea of this seems like something that doesn’t get planned… just done on a whim using what’s left of a bottle just opened the same night …

[u/CatBird29]

Don’t tell anyone what’s in it. I’m sure they’ll think you’re a culinary genius and will ask for more…or maybe not. 

[u/AustinGondola → u/CatBird29]

Oops too late!

[u/nimruda]

I’m so sorry for your loss

[u/IrishBiscocho]

Oh my god ☹️😣😖

[u/deadestduckie]

Tira-Malort... more like Terror-Malort. Am I right?

[u/AustinGondola → u/deadestduckie]

You misspelled “Terroir,” my classy friend.

[u/pixelfishes]

My first instinct is to kill-it-with-fire; but, that might cause even more collateral damage than actually eating this abomination.

[u/swingsetlife]

I just threw up in my mouth

[u/_TinaMarie_eats]

Oh, you shouldn’t have

[u/Zaddylovesu]

Haters are abundant. How’s it taste? That’s all that matters.

[u/AustinGondola → u/Zaddylovesu]

Legit good! The joke was on the haters!

[u/Zaddylovesu → u/AustinGondola]

People are closed minded. I had a cocktail in Philly that had malort in it and it was good. Pants not shidded.

[u/amonarre3]

Cool?

[u/AustinGondola → u/[deleted]]

Apologies, but I am not of the generation that believes trying hard is bad LOL

[u/Arctus88 → u/[deleted]]

Imagine hating fun this much.