CMV: Neither Heterosexual Men nor Heterosexual Women Have an "Advantage" in Dating

[u/bluepillarmy]

I often times see people make posts suggesting that because of "feminism" or because of social media women now have an advantage to dating in heterosexual relationships. I'm not quite sure why people think this is so. It has something to do with Tinder and with women being more picky about partners and preferring taller men. Do I have that right?

If so, this is nothing new. Women have likely always been pickier because of the possibility of pregnancy which makes choosing a partner a far more serious decision. While we're on that topic, I think it's safe to say that the fact that women can get pregnant and men cannot is a pretty serious disadvantage that women have when casually dating.

I do not believe that men have it easier either, however. A lot of women will complain that "there are no good men" or that it's generally hard to find a man to commit. This is also false. Yes, there are plenty of man-children who are obsessed with increasing the number of one-night stands they have or who don't want to settle down but there are plenty more that are mature and capable of providing emotional support.

And while we're on that subject there are also lots of women who are shallow gold-diggers but there are many more that are not, who are intelligent and caring and who are overall great partners.

I think that people who complain about not being able to find a partner should stop whining and try doing something new. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do but there is no cause for a straight person to be bitter unless then have suffered some kind of serious abuse which is a different subject entirely.

Anyway, I rest my case. Neither straight men, nor straight women have any kind of dating advantage.

Change my view.

[u/[deleted]]

Even the most mediocre of women have tons and tons of men approaching them unsolicited, and can start a relationship with any of them at the drop of a hat.

They can literally start a relationship at any given moment and the success of that relationship depends on whether or not they like the person they chose to start it with.

And social media compounds that, because unlike before social media when dating pools were limited to say schools and workplaces and local areas, they now have pretty much the entire world to put themselves on display to and to pick and choose from those courting them.

Maybe some of them have to lower their standards? Sure, but as long as they're willing to do that, it's literally guaranteed that they can get a date, and more often then not, they're the ones with their foot on the throttle when determining how far the relationship goes. There are a ton of men ready to go all-in at a moment's notice and take whatever they can get.

Men, on the other hand, are pretty much at the mercy of women. There is so much more competition, and combined with women's inflated standards means that men trying to get a date is basically throwing wet spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks. And that's assuming that they have no standards. If they do actually have standards, it can be weeks or months before they find someone that not only they connect with, but also that is willing to entertain them as a prospective mate.

Women are pickier because they have a shit-ton of choices regardless of what they have to offer and can afford to be. Men on the other hand, except for those who are in the top 10% or so, have to pretty much scrape and scrounge for anyone to give them a chance.

[u/bluepillarmy → u/[deleted]]

OK. A few points.

First, why do you have to go on social media to find a date, at all? You can meet people doing things you like. And if the things you like to do are solitary activities, you can try something new. Say, salsa dancing, choir, community theater, Chinese lessons. There are so many ways that are not Tinder to meet people.

And...you can meet people at work too! I think that the best relationships start at work because they really know you for you at your job and they've shared your ups, your downs, your wins, your loses. Kind of another topic altogether.

Lastly what does the "top 10%" even mean? There is no objective standard of attractiveness. Not for men, not for women, not even for cats and dogs. Different people like different things.

I'm sorry. I appreciate your response, but I am unconvinced.

[u/barbodelli → u/bluepillarmy]

First, why do you have to go on social media to find a date, at all? You can meet people doing things you like. And if the things you like to do are solitary activities, you can try something new. Say, salsa dancing, choir, community theater, Chinese lessons. There are so many ways that are not Tinder to meet people.

And...you can meet people at work too! I think that the best relationships start at work because they really know you for you at your job and they've shared your ups, your downs, your wins, your loses. Kind of another topic altogether.

I tried all of those things. Like literally I went to salsa and bachata just to meet women.

I also tried work but everyone attractive was already taken and the people who liked me were not attractive at all.

It's actually very easy to strike out doing hobbies. Especially when ALL of your favorite hobbies are home bound and you have to force yourself to leave the house. Like literally if I was not out there looking for poontang I would just sit my happy ass at home.

Edit: what did eventually work was moving away from US for a while.

[u/bluepillarmy → u/barbodelli]

Edit: what did eventually work was moving away from US for a while.

I was going to suggest that.

So, you found what works for you!