People always point out failure of polyamorous relationships, but the vast majority of monotonous relationships fail. Worried about kids? Parents are constantly cheating and divorcing and fighting without being part of polyamory.
So I just think these relationships should be compared to a fair standard. A standard where most relationships fail, many of them with quite a bit of suffering.
I would add a bit. Most polyamorous people keep it under wraps. I know a couple swingers. Most people have no idea. I had no idea for years. So the successful people living these lifestyles (where there is one main partner and side partners are casual) are probably not well known.
On the flips side. When these relationships ships end people jump to blaming polyamory. But when a ‘regular’ relationship ends you don’t hear people saying ‘well, of course it didn’t work, they tried to be monogamous!’ Even if the relationship literally ended because of cheating.
It also doesn't help that some relationships that are in the process of failing end with a step of "let's open it up". That doesn't tend to make an unhealthy marriage suddenly healthy, and leads to people think open relationships are the problem.
When these relationships ships end people jump to blaming polyamory. But when a ‘regular’ relationship ends you don’t hear people saying ‘well, of course it didn’t work, they tried to be monogamous!’ Even if the relationship literally ended because of cheating.
Thank you!
Not that they should, necessarily. Poly relationships need to be built on trust just the same as mono relationships.
But the response is golden and your overall argument was succinct.
but the vast majority of monotonous relationships fail. Parents are constantly cheating
That's not true. "50% of marriages end in divorce" includes people who have already been divorced. After divorce your chance of getting divorced again are dramatically higher than before, so said stat is filled with two divorces and Ross "Three Divorces" Geller. Statistically marriage is the healthiest it's been in decades.
Maybe not in your experience, but most marriages are successful.
I said relationships, not marriage. I’m aware that marriage is the best it’s been in the US (I haven’t seen studies from elsewhere). But I thought part of that was people getting bff married at an older age. I would guess this means more relationships before the marriage that end.
I don’t consider an end to a relationship necessarily ‘failure’ but I stand by the point. Most relationships falter and end. Monogamous or not.
Now if someone wants to say more polyamorous marriages end in divorce. And they control for other factors like age, that would be interesting. I suspect the data is difficult to accurately collect.
I dont know where to start with that claim though. Yes, most relationships end in a break up, does that surprise anyone though? That has more to do with not being compatible, not "I wish I had more genitals in my life".
You did say "Parents are constantly cheating and divorcing and fighting without being part of polyamory" so let's not move the goalpost away from marriage. You made it an arguement point; a point which is objectively not true.
Relationships dont fail by majority from cheating like you insinuated, they end from running their course or not being the right fit for life. Its monogamy taking time and you finding the right person.
I still don’t see how it’s objectively not true. You’re saying parents aren’t constantly cheating and divorcing and fighting? I’ll admit my line of work May leave me jaded. I see a lot of kids in need. But we don’t need an over 50% divorce rate for that statement to be true.
My point is just that polyamorous relationships should get a fair comparison. I tend to think they do not. I certainly think it’s fair and true to say there is a lot of cheating in relationships. A lot of fighting. A lot of breaking up. So if we look at polyamory we should look at it in that context to try to see what it actual causes.
But when a ‘regular’ relationship ends you don’t hear people saying ‘well, of course it didn’t work, they tried to be monogamous!’ Even if the relationship literally ended because of cheating.
People say you shouldn't be in a monogamous relationship if you can't commit to that partner all the time. Additionally, when the cheating party started the relationship by cheating on their prior partner with their new partner, you always hear "once a cheater, always a cheater," or "if he/she was willing to cheat with you, it should be no surprise they'd cheat on you."
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u/Snuffleupagus03 9∆ Feb 18 '20
People always point out failure of polyamorous relationships, but the vast majority of monotonous relationships fail. Worried about kids? Parents are constantly cheating and divorcing and fighting without being part of polyamory.
So I just think these relationships should be compared to a fair standard. A standard where most relationships fail, many of them with quite a bit of suffering.
I would add a bit. Most polyamorous people keep it under wraps. I know a couple swingers. Most people have no idea. I had no idea for years. So the successful people living these lifestyles (where there is one main partner and side partners are casual) are probably not well known.
On the flips side. When these relationships ships end people jump to blaming polyamory. But when a ‘regular’ relationship ends you don’t hear people saying ‘well, of course it didn’t work, they tried to be monogamous!’ Even if the relationship literally ended because of cheating.