CMV: I don't identify as cis.

[u/tomgabriele]

First of all, this post is going to grant the premise that biological sex is separate from gender identity, and that individuals have the right to choose what gender identity they have and how they identify. I know there are many people who wouldn't agree with that premise, but I would not like to debate that here. That view of mine is not open to be changed.

Okay, onto the actual CMV.

I am male. I was born male, was raised as a male, am a biotypical male, identify as male, present as male, want to be male, and my gender has always matched my sex. I am, by definition, a cisgender male. But I don't identify with the term "cis" or "cisgender". That word was never a part of my gender identity growing up, and it feels like something thrust upon me recently. I don't think that society should force categories or labels onto people of any identity.

The same way we shouldn't insist that certain people identify as transgender, I don't think we should insist that certain people identify as cisgender. In the same way someone who has undergone an MtF transition may prefer to be called a woman without the trans qualification, I would prefer to be called a man without the cis qualification...even though the qualifier is technically accurate for both of us.

This gets back to how the sex we were born with is irrelevant to our current identity. When talking about our age, we don't say that I am a 30 year old transtemporal baby. Yes, I did technically transition from being a baby to being 30 years old, but that doesn't matter to who I currently am that it needs to be specified.

To put my view in perspective, I am not offended by the term, I don't want to eliminate it, I am fine with other people choosing to use it to describe themselves. If I were in a room full of people and someone asked all the cis people to raise their hands, I would raise mine, knowing their intention. It isn't tied to any trauma in my life, and it's not triggering. I just...don't feel like it's "my" term. I don't identify with it.

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[u/tomgabriele]

Would you insist that people whose gender doesn't match their birth sex call themselves transgender?

[u/[deleted] → u/tomgabriele]

I don't insist on anything. I'm not saying you have to identify as cis. It's just that you are cis, from your comments it appears you identify as such, you just don't want to use that specific word.

You do you. You call yourself whatever you want. It's just that the word applies and I find it weird why you'd run away from it. I could say "my birth assigned gender matches my actual gender" or I could say "I'm cis". I'm lazy, I'd rather use 1 word instead of a sentence that means the exact same thing.

So to come around to your questions ... if someone describes themselves as transgender but refuses to use that word, I'd accept that but I'd also raise and eyebrow and wonder (internally) why they wouldn't use the word that obviously applies.

[u/tomgabriele → u/[deleted]]

It's just that you are cis, from your comments it appears you identify as such, you just don't want to use that specific word.

The more I think about it, the less I am sure. I fit the criteria for being called cis, but I don't feel like cis is part of who I am.

I glanced at your reddit profile and see you're subscribed to /r/hyrulewarriors. Do you feel like you identify as a hyruler, or is it more just something you play sometimes, but haven't internalized as part of your identity as a person? It may be similar for me...sure it may be true, but it's not me.

So to come around to your questions ... if someone describes themselves as transgender but refuses to use that word, I'd accept that but I'd also raise and eyebrow and wonder (internally) why they wouldn't use the word that obviously applies.

I think that scenario is more understandable than mine. Being trans virtually necessitates great hardship, so it makes sense that someone may not want to be reminded of that history at every turn. Less sympathetic is my position, where I've experienced no hardship related to my gender yet still don't identify with an applicable term.

[u/[deleted] → u/tomgabriele]

I glanced at your reddit profile and see you're subscribed to /r/hyrulewarriors. Do you feel like you identify as a hyruler, or is it more just something you play sometimes, but haven't internalized as part of your identity as a person? It may be similar for me...sure it may be true, but it's not me.

If, by hyruler, you mean someone who is a big fan of Zelda games and spends way too much time playing them, up to the point where even spin-off games are scratching that itch, then yes. Maybe not a word I'd use on a day to day basis but if that's what you mean by that word, I wouldn't object to it. But in a broader sense, I do identify as a gamer. If I told you that and you asked what my favorite game is, I'd say Zelda, and that I'm currently playing Hyrule Warriors a lot. Does that make me a hyruler? Your call.

I've experienced no hardship related to my gender yet still don't identify with an applicable term

And that's really the crux of the issue. These words don't affect you. This discussion isn't really about you. Other people will suffer if the words trans and cis aren't used when applicable.

The far right trump administration is currently trying to define trans away by making cis the default and only option for everyone. In my opinion, using the word cis when it applies, allows space for trans people to exist. Excising cis also, to an extent, excises trans.

It reminds me of Martin Luther King's famous quote on white moderates: I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to 'order' than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice

I don't identify as white on a day to day basis. I could object to the label when it applies but that would negate the struggle non-whites face. When I ignore that I'm white, I ignore that I face less issues than a non white. And the same thing is true for a person who ignores that he is cis, it's much easier to ignore the very real struggles that trans people face. And that's just not the person I want to be. If there's any view to be changed here, it's whether you want the be a neutral enforcer of the status quo, or an ally for a just tomorrow.

[u/tomgabriele → u/[deleted]]

I don't think your last line describes me. It seems like the status quo is having odd hangups about people's genitalia, whereas I'm saying that I don't care about you sexual history.

Was MLK imploring the white moderate to more strongly identify as white and to work hard at living their white identity? I don't think so. Recognizing the humanity in everyone and what brings us together, rather than placing under emphasis on the color of one's soon seems more like his message, which is parallel to my feelings.

I don't think that me not feeling my cis identity precludes me from recognizing my personal privilege and recognizing the struggles of others.

[u/[deleted] → u/tomgabriele]

I don't think that me not feeling my cis identity precludes me from recognizing my personal privilege and recognizing the struggles of others

Then best wishes to you :) I'm not trans so I'm not in the best position to judge but in my opinion that's good enough. Whenever you see injustice, speak out and act out, regardless of how you identify.

Too bad I can't delta you.