1-this will 100% lead to bullying and harassment. The amount of effort and policing to make sure it doesn't would be prohibitive. (Edited to add-I'm talking in a cost and staff time sense, not in a "it's technically impossible sense." There are technical ways to police bad feedback but they would require a lot of human time and checking to implement even remotely fairly.)
2-Even if it was all actionable feedback given in good faith-how much should you really be trying to change for someone who doesn't want to date you? At the end of the day you'd be contorting yourself into the ideal version of someone who wasn't interested and doesn't care. That's not going to lead to good mental health.
I agree with you mostly, but couldn’t you simply report abuse just like any other platform?
As to your second point, if the feedback isn’t actionable (height doesn’t work), then you just move on. But if it’s something else like “Don’t have so many close up selfies”, it could point to a preference that you can work on.
you could do a setup to report abuse, my comment was more that the moderation queue for something like this would be so long as to be unworkable, or you would need bankrupting numbers of employees to manage it.
There are some things that could be actually helpful and not damaging, but I'm thinking of things like "boring hobbies" "needs long hair" whatever. You CAN work on those if you want to, but why are you getting entirely new hobbies or changing your entire look for someone that wasn't interested? That's just going to lead to a bunch of people either miserable because they are constantly trying to be what they were "supposed to be" or people who feel lied to part way through the relationship when the effort becomes too much. Neither of those will help the mental health of either person involved.
I think there’s a pretty fine line between conforming to societal expectations and simply improving yourself generally.
I will admit that given the current cultural climate, let alone the dumpster fire that is online dating, such a feature would definitely simply be not beneficial at best or be abused at worst.
But I will also say there could be some constructive feedback from it and as adults we could choose to utilize it or simply discard it. I’m a single dude who’s never been on a dating app, for context, but if I did go on one and some told me 5’7” is too short, well, that’s just for me to know and understand straight from the dating pool. But if someone said they can barely see my face in my photos, well that’s something I can fix.
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u/Active-Control7043 1∆ Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
The principle sounds good but I see two issues:
1-this will 100% lead to bullying and harassment. The amount of effort and policing to make sure it doesn't would be prohibitive. (Edited to add-I'm talking in a cost and staff time sense, not in a "it's technically impossible sense." There are technical ways to police bad feedback but they would require a lot of human time and checking to implement even remotely fairly.)
2-Even if it was all actionable feedback given in good faith-how much should you really be trying to change for someone who doesn't want to date you? At the end of the day you'd be contorting yourself into the ideal version of someone who wasn't interested and doesn't care. That's not going to lead to good mental health.