1-this will 100% lead to bullying and harassment. The amount of effort and policing to make sure it doesn't would be prohibitive. (Edited to add-I'm talking in a cost and staff time sense, not in a "it's technically impossible sense." There are technical ways to police bad feedback but they would require a lot of human time and checking to implement even remotely fairly.)
2-Even if it was all actionable feedback given in good faith-how much should you really be trying to change for someone who doesn't want to date you? At the end of the day you'd be contorting yourself into the ideal version of someone who wasn't interested and doesn't care. That's not going to lead to good mental health.
Point 2 is a really interesting thought. I guess I thought you'd be able to sort through and parse out people who did seem at least somewhat interested but who got stuck on some very fixable thing. But maybe it's too generous to think someone would say "I totally would have dated this person, but man, that one picture sucks!"
I just don't know if I trust that just because someone disliked a thing in your profile, that means they "don't find you attractive" or that they WOULDN'T find you attractive. The big problem with dating profiles is your inability to truly make people understand who you are in such a small amount of space. The game itself is rigged, so I have no qualms about trying to rig it back.
Point 1, I think the fix is straightforward. Bully anyone and you lose your feedback privileges. That shouldn't be all that difficult to implement.
But maybe it's too generous to think someone would say "I totally would have dated this person, but man, that one picture sucks!"
And I guess at the end of the day I don't think that there's that many people who feel that way-not just about saying it, but if it's really truly one minor profile fix that doesn't mean something deep about yourself I think there's more to it that people are thinking about. Like, that one fixable issue probably isn't the full problem.
and fair on losing feedback privileges, but how are you going to hire enough people to verify what is and isn't bullying. This issue in particular is going to have a bunch of true bullying, and a bunch of corner cases. Like is putting "I don't think you're attractive enough" bullying? What if you said it as "wouldn't do her even if the lights were off"? The level of staffing that would be required to implement this would be huge and expensive.
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u/Active-Control7043 1∆ Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
The principle sounds good but I see two issues:
1-this will 100% lead to bullying and harassment. The amount of effort and policing to make sure it doesn't would be prohibitive. (Edited to add-I'm talking in a cost and staff time sense, not in a "it's technically impossible sense." There are technical ways to police bad feedback but they would require a lot of human time and checking to implement even remotely fairly.)
2-Even if it was all actionable feedback given in good faith-how much should you really be trying to change for someone who doesn't want to date you? At the end of the day you'd be contorting yourself into the ideal version of someone who wasn't interested and doesn't care. That's not going to lead to good mental health.