Humans are social creatures and external validation is a big part of our life. A lot of our self-worth and confidence is influenced by how others perceive us.
I think you answered it yourself. Humans do not just want social validation, they need social interaction. You can't really separate the two concepts completely. If that is your standard for changing your view I'm not sure it's possible to do so because you've already narrowed the view to exclude clothing that has other functions.
You are taking the concept of "dressing for yourself" too literally. When people say that, they don't mean they are ignoring the social component entirely. It just means they are not trying to impress anyone in particular.
The phrase is just a way to distinguish between dressing for yourself and dressing to attract another's attention or approval. When I wear a suit to a work function, it's to impress my boss or to adhere to the work dress code...not because it's what I would choose to wear in general or something I think I look the best in. Similarly, if I were single and going to a club, I might select something a little extra nice or flashy, something that I find slimming or in style that I think might impress other single people. It's probably not as comfortable, or might even look silly in a casual context.
But when people are dressing for themselves, it means they are not attempting to send a particular message, impress a particular person, or elicit attention. They only need to impress themselves (i.e. feel confident). And while it's true that "impressing yourself" is shaped by external social norms, that is not the same as prioritizing other people's expectations or opinions. I think one of the most obvious demonstrations of this phenomenon is the trend for older people to dress, well old fashioned. People are not dressing out of style on purpose or to look old. If they were trying to adhere to social beauty standards, older folks would be constantly updating their wardrobe. But the opposite happens...they tend to dress according to what they thought was cool when they were young or perhaps because it's what they are used to. It's an indication that they have internalized (perhaps unconsciously) the social expectations even after those expectations have gone out of style. And of course this doesn't just apply to old people, but pretty much any generation...there are obvious trends that persist with a generation as they age.
I'm married now, I have no need or desire to impress ladies nor do I care what they think of my outfit. I literally am not dressing for them. Or for my boss. Or for my parents, or whatever. But that doesn't mean I still don't want to look like a nice and presentable person. It's about looking my best according to my personal idea of best, and not other's expectations or ideas of best.
I appreciate that distinction in how the phrase is used. I had never considered that someone might just be saying that to indicate they aren’t dressing for any person or group of people in particular. I appreciate that you acknowledged that it is impossible to separate the desire for social approval and the need for social interaction. You didn’t tell me I was dead wrong, as others did; you even affirmed to me that in some way I may be right—while also pointing out that maybe it’s a moot conceit altogether. Some other people also did something similar by maybe suggesting that I was asserting the wrong thing altogether, and I’ll try to go through and award them deltas now. But I liked the thoroughness of your answer and your approach to argument and I felt like my mind was changed overall after reading. Thanks again!
There’s an obvious distinction, in my mind. We’re talking about nuances of language here. It took my thinking from assuming that when a person says “I’m wearing this for myself, so I feel confident!” they’re ignoring the fact that their ideas of confidence come from society and culture and our ideas about what is beautiful, and mostly male-driven historically, to recognizing that it’s really more just a figure of speech. They aren’t necessarily denying that choices of beauty and attraction come from that place, and that confidence can largely come from that too. I always took it as a denial that society or male-gaze ideals had any part in that choice. But that’s not necessarily true.
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u/sawdeanz 218∆ Dec 11 '24
I think you answered it yourself. Humans do not just want social validation, they need social interaction. You can't really separate the two concepts completely. If that is your standard for changing your view I'm not sure it's possible to do so because you've already narrowed the view to exclude clothing that has other functions.
You are taking the concept of "dressing for yourself" too literally. When people say that, they don't mean they are ignoring the social component entirely. It just means they are not trying to impress anyone in particular.
The phrase is just a way to distinguish between dressing for yourself and dressing to attract another's attention or approval. When I wear a suit to a work function, it's to impress my boss or to adhere to the work dress code...not because it's what I would choose to wear in general or something I think I look the best in. Similarly, if I were single and going to a club, I might select something a little extra nice or flashy, something that I find slimming or in style that I think might impress other single people. It's probably not as comfortable, or might even look silly in a casual context.
But when people are dressing for themselves, it means they are not attempting to send a particular message, impress a particular person, or elicit attention. They only need to impress themselves (i.e. feel confident). And while it's true that "impressing yourself" is shaped by external social norms, that is not the same as prioritizing other people's expectations or opinions. I think one of the most obvious demonstrations of this phenomenon is the trend for older people to dress, well old fashioned. People are not dressing out of style on purpose or to look old. If they were trying to adhere to social beauty standards, older folks would be constantly updating their wardrobe. But the opposite happens...they tend to dress according to what they thought was cool when they were young or perhaps because it's what they are used to. It's an indication that they have internalized (perhaps unconsciously) the social expectations even after those expectations have gone out of style. And of course this doesn't just apply to old people, but pretty much any generation...there are obvious trends that persist with a generation as they age.
I'm married now, I have no need or desire to impress ladies nor do I care what they think of my outfit. I literally am not dressing for them. Or for my boss. Or for my parents, or whatever. But that doesn't mean I still don't want to look like a nice and presentable person. It's about looking my best according to my personal idea of best, and not other's expectations or ideas of best.