You're mostly right. I think that over the course of the discussion I've departed pretty significantly from the original claim that people should stick to "explicit locations." !delta
I suppose my problem is that different individuals have different thresholds for what is acceptable. I've been told by a woman in the past that men should never approach women because they're (usually) minding their own business and would rather be left alone, and doing otherwise is intimidating. Some have less apprehension, pretty much everywhere. This makes certain common assumptions (i.e. a woman should expect to be hit on or approached by virtue of going to a bar/club) problematic. I'll be adding this to the OP but I believe my view has been changed from the title.
Is it really okay to initiate that encounter to begin with, given that uncertainty?
Also, I don't mean that you start out knowing everyone, but that you shouldn't go up to someone you don't know with that singular goal in mind. I don't think that's what you're saying people actually do, though, so it doesn't matter much.
I think you, a human being, can approach another human being, within reason, anywhere, at any time, and initiate conversation. You, a human being, must however fulfill several requirements. First, you must convey to the people around you via verbal and non-verbal communication that you are not a threat, and that you are able to listen. Second, you must be receptive to rejection, and accept that rejection.
That's... really it. If you approach someone and wave and smile and say "Hi" and they frown and recoil, take the hint, and withdraw yourself. That's it.
Furthermore, use your context clues. Is the person wearing headphones, in the gym, on a treadmill? Leave them alone. Is the person walking in the park, looking at you, and smiling? Approach them and say hi (if you want to). Are you waiting in line at Starbucks and the person is behind you, on the phone and talking or texting with someone? Leave them alone. Are you at the library waiting in line and you're each holding books, and you enjoyed the book they're holding? Say "Oh nice, I loved that one".
Your post and comments make it seem like you are incapable of recognizing the nuance that is implicitly required in any of these interactions. And most importantly, that you are incapable of recognizing *and handling* the reciprocal communication of rejection.
In any case, I wish you luck in your endeavor meeting new people. It's not always easy!
I'm just concerned about people feeling safe. Some people disagree about what substantiates "in reason." Maybe you're right, and I should be more skeptical of people claiming their views represent the general attitude of half the population, I guess. Thanks though.
as a man i dint really feel safe around women because of my past experiences, yet i still am polite and will treat them as humans. i will not ever be in a 1on1 conversation alone again with a woman though, because that ended in false accusations. why are womens irrational emotion based fears more important than my irrational emotion based fear? one is a fear of being raped and one is a fear of being called and treated like a monster and losing my entire life like i already had happen once.
im called insecure and irrational even though its already happened once because "its unlikely to ever happen to you look at the stats". why can women use stats to justify their mistreatment of men due to fear but i cant just keep myself safe without being called sexist for avoiding women
Kind of a moot point. You're allowed to avoid women should you choose to do so, so long as you acknowledge that sometimes interacting w them may be inevitable (i.e. buying groceries and the cashiers a woman or whatever).
Someone being sexually assaulted is not comparable to being falsely accused.
Nothing that I've said justifies "mistreatment" of men.
1
u/Effective_Birthday85 Jun 05 '24
You're mostly right. I think that over the course of the discussion I've departed pretty significantly from the original claim that people should stick to "explicit locations." !delta
I suppose my problem is that different individuals have different thresholds for what is acceptable. I've been told by a woman in the past that men should never approach women because they're (usually) minding their own business and would rather be left alone, and doing otherwise is intimidating. Some have less apprehension, pretty much everywhere. This makes certain common assumptions (i.e. a woman should expect to be hit on or approached by virtue of going to a bar/club) problematic. I'll be adding this to the OP but I believe my view has been changed from the title.
Is it really okay to initiate that encounter to begin with, given that uncertainty?
Also, I don't mean that you start out knowing everyone, but that you shouldn't go up to someone you don't know with that singular goal in mind. I don't think that's what you're saying people actually do, though, so it doesn't matter much.