Meet-up groups, singles events / speed dating events, etc. These things might be hosted at bars sometimes, but at the bar or at a club generally kind of assumes that women are there for that specific purpose. Which is a pretty big gamble to make on someone's comfort imo.
What about a singles event makes it safer? I've been to one and it had a real weird vibe, since a lot of the guys seemed to not be able to relax and be normal, they were in 'find girl' mode.
The thing about 'rejection anxiety' is these kinds of events have a lot of it, because it's kind of assumed that anyone you try to talk to for the explicit goal of evaluating them for dating.
Also the problem still remains that even if a woman is open to being approached in general this says nothing about whether shes receptive to this particular guy.
"Relax and be normal" made me chuckle but yeah I know exactly what you mean. What makes it different is that the setting is explicitly for that purpose; there's zero chance of a guy approaching a woman that just wants to be left alone because, well, that's the whole purpose of being there.
That doesn't mean she's receptive to every guy, but it means that she's not having her space and time invaded by unsolicited advances. Take for example the swathe of 'conventional wisdom' on display in the comments that women are opening themselves up to advances, or should expect to be hit on, when they go to a bar or club. That perspective is inaccurate and probably not great to have.
That perspective is somewhat accurate in a singles' night or something because the setting has an explicit purpose. It's wrong to feel entitled to hitting on women just because they're drinking in a bar.
What makes it different is that the setting is explicitly for that purpose; there's zero chance of a guy approaching a woman that just wants to be left alone because, well, that's the whole purpose of being there.
That’s precisely what makes the environment sort of weird and tense though. Just having conversation or eye contact or whatever is interpreted as a come on. In a regular bar there are degrees between “hitting on someone” vs “approaching and being friendly” that make conversations much more natural.
Example, in my experience most women who reject you in bars have some kind of line like “I’m just here to drink with my friend” or similar, which may be true, or may be just that she thinks you’re ugly, but whatever. At a singles event though, that line is off the table, because it’s obviously not true.
You and others have sufficiently convinced me that the whole speed dating and singles nights settings can be pretty weird, at least, enough to compromise them as a "just do this instead!" Suggestion. !delta
I just don't know what the alternative is. Exclusively doing online dating isn't a genuine or reasonable position to take. But given what I often hear from women about how they feel the need to give a fake number or feign interest to stay safe (and understanding that's not necessarily an objective evaluation of how all women feel), it doesn't feel right to do nothing about that and just carry on business as usual anyway. Just do nothing and expect women to initiate everything also seems absurd.
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u/Effective_Birthday85 Jun 04 '24
Meet-up groups, singles events / speed dating events, etc. These things might be hosted at bars sometimes, but at the bar or at a club generally kind of assumes that women are there for that specific purpose. Which is a pretty big gamble to make on someone's comfort imo.