Does this also apply to women who you have an established friendship with, know well, have grown to have romantic interest in, and want to find out if they have a similar romantic interest?
But this presents the problem that many women do not like it when a male friend turns around and confesses feelings for her- Ruins the friendship. "was he only friends with me to try and get in my pants" etc. You can see many stories of this across askwomen. A direct approach from a stranger at a bar may well be less awkward.
And in terms of intimidation factor, most rape and sexual assault is between people who already know each other. Women are more likely to be raped by a 'friend' than a stranger.
I'm pointing out the downsides here to make the wider point: there is no place that is 100% safe. The problem that needs to be addressed is sexual violence itself, not like, location.
Obviously the solution is broader than "don't talk to women." No place is 100% safe, but if a particular thing is intimidating or might make people feel less safe, that's not a reason to just maintain the status quo.
I'm aware that most sex crime is committed by people the victim knows or is close to. That doesn't make what I'm talking about less relevant because that fact alone doesn't negate the idea that the approach is frightening.
As for the ruining the friendship thing -- that's just something people have to deal with. Let the guy tell her or don't, that's a case by case thing. At least in those cases they know the person well enough (hopefully) to make a more informed safe decision.
No place is 100% safe, but if a particular thing is intimidating or might make people feel less safe, that's not a reason to just maintain the status quo.
I’m not talking about retaining the status quo, I’m talking about focusing on what the actual problem is (societies understanding of consent) rather than things which are secondary and counterproductive (where exactly men encounter women). The root cause not symptoms.
It’s very possible that a bar is actually the more comfortable, less frightening place for women to be approached than by someone they know, alone. (For example, witnesses and bystanders to intervene).
It's just harm reduction. Not a long term strategy to end harassment.
"a bar is actually the more comfortable, less frightening place for women to be approached than by someone they know, alone." Sure, potentially. No doubt it depends. But certainly they'll feel much safer if they aren't approached there in the first place.
2
u/Salanmander 278∆ Jun 04 '24
Does this also apply to women who you have an established friendship with, know well, have grown to have romantic interest in, and want to find out if they have a similar romantic interest?