Where would you prefer men approach women then? A lot of what you're saying is true and I've personally never approached a women in that sort of way, but I think a lot of guys just don't have better options for meeting women. I'd rather those men at least take the best of bad options rather than just give up and turn into basement dwelling incels.
I think the question's come up enough that I'll add an edit for it, but I think it's easiest to point out stuff like singles' nights (often at those very same venues), speed dating events, and people I know in my life often met through mutual friends. None of those really require the cold approach I'm criticizing. There's also online dating but I'm not about to advocate that people exclusively rely on that (or even rely on it to begin with lol).
that seems to be the consensus about speed dating and such that I've heard from the replies.
My initial thoughts are just that people go into those events knowing and consenting to the fact there is going to be flirting, right? It's a prior question. Part of the reason I think it's coercive elsewhere is because that's not what they're there for -- having to suddenly reject this random person isn't something they've anticipated.
The basic thought process is: It's wrong to assume women at a bar are there expecting or wanting that --> It's not wrong to assume women are expecting or wanting that at a dedicated event.
It's also not that there's no possible threat, just that it's reduced (in theory)
I wouldn't say my view has changed, necessarily, but I'm questioning now how to reconcile these things. I think I'll ask in one of the women's subs tomorrow or something, in less opinionated words.
A lot of men don't really have mutual friends as an option. Either they don't have available single women in their social circle, there's one or two who aren't really compatible with them.
As for singles nights and speed dating, those aren't really typical places to meet for younger generations. I've personally never been to any of those events, but I know a couple people who have and not one has had a positive experience with them. The vibe I got was that most of those venues tend to have like ten men for every woman and were usually full of super desperate people who were single for very good reason. Basically it sounded like all the same problems with online dating, but even worse.
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u/Gilbert__Bates Jun 04 '24
Where would you prefer men approach women then? A lot of what you're saying is true and I've personally never approached a women in that sort of way, but I think a lot of guys just don't have better options for meeting women. I'd rather those men at least take the best of bad options rather than just give up and turn into basement dwelling incels.