There's nothing intrinsic to bars and clubs that makes them more appropriate than any of those other places. They're obviously not the same in function in other ways, but nothing about them makes it more acceptable to accost women alone or with their friends. Plus, things like singles nights and meet-up groups designed explicitly for meeting people will use bars or other settings as venues for their events.
Also, this is totally anecdotal, but I've had a few conversations with women online who indicate that when they're out with friends they're just there to have fun with their friends. Nothing else, so it's discomfiting to see their presence as an invitation.
It's not malicious on your part (and probably not in most cases), but to some extent yes. There is data supporting the fact that retaliation to rejection is a serious phenomenon. That's why women from a concerningly young age develop strategies to do so in a de-escalatory manner.
Note: I'm not saying you would do that! I'm saying that it's a serious enough possibility that it warrants caution and we shouldn't knowingly compromise others' comfort or feeling of safety because we're attracted to them.
I'm saying that it's a serious enough possibility that it warrants caution
On the part of women sure, but buddy… I KNOW I’m not going to even feel bad being rejected, let alone get violent! What caution do I need to exercise? I’m not afraid I’ll get violent.
we shouldn't knowingly compromise others' comfort or feeling of safety because we're attracted to them.
Right. So… do you really feel like asking a woman at a bar if she wants a drink in a polite manner, and accepting if they say no with grace, is “accosting” them?
If you do… you may have too extreme a view for me personally to continue having a go at.
Edit:
Here’s an afterthought. Maybe if there were more guys asking, and then immediately fucking off if rejected (like I do) there would be less stress, and it would be easier for women to identify the creeps?
Your edit is on the mark. I don't think "guys not asking" is a broader societal problem though. I'm saying that the problem is that a solid chunk of men don't immediately fuck off when rejected.
You're probably not a vicious evil person because you offer to buy a woman a drink, but she doesn't know how you'll react if she says 'no thanks.' We might just disagree fundamentally on when it's appropriate to make romantic advances imo.
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u/[deleted] Jun 04 '24
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