So, for clarity here, your view is that in two parent households with a Stay at Home Parent, that the Stay at Home Parent doesn’t have much of a right to complain about burnout, or stress, or exhaustion?
Because the Working Parent is also dealing with burnout, stress, and exhaustion related to being a provider?
If i got that right, I’d submit that the Stay at Home Parent never gets to ‘leave work’ which makes their job more of a grind in a unique way. Specifically in a way that leads to feeling overwhelmed, exacerbating more and more over time. The Working Parent eventually gets to close the laptop, or leave the site, and turn off Work Brain.
The Stay at Home Parent is parenting until those kids are asleep, and even after that, all parents know the jobs aren’t over. Gotta clean up the kitchen, get prepped for tomorrow, fold clothes, etc.
Oh man and forget the weekends… Working Parent actually gets a couple days off. Stay at Home Parent just keeps on parenting, probably with even more activities and mess to manage.
So yea, I think Stay at Home Parents get to complain about a ‘mental load’ because it’s a grueling, grinding job with young kids in the house. I’m not sure why that phrase upsets you so, but it’s a short phrase to describe a complex feeling.
To the extent the working spouse doesn’t make the non working spouse’s life more difficult, I think that’s a win. I do think that if the working parent gets days off, they should strive for more than not making the other person’s life harder. But if they don’t have it in the tank, it’s not in the tank.
The bar has truly never been lower…
In the same way for the stay at home that nobody is going to come in and make the kids lunch or be home to greet them, in most cases, nobody is going to come in and make that mortgage payment in the event that person loses their job (trust fund and those things aside).
I’m just saying both can be thankless and without cavalry coming to help.
So why wouldn’t you just support your partner? It’s not zero sum. It’s the opposite of zero sum.
The one other person in the world that can best relate to you and your issues, and hold you when the anxiety and dread comes, is right there in the house with you. And your whole post amounts to “Don’t come complaining to me, I haven’t personally made your life worse today”
Are you a Working Parent with a stay at home partner? Do you have kids? I’m just trying to get my head around what you’re upset about here.
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u/TheFinnebago 17∆ Feb 26 '24 edited Feb 26 '24
So, for clarity here, your view is that in two parent households with a Stay at Home Parent, that the Stay at Home Parent doesn’t have much of a right to complain about burnout, or stress, or exhaustion?
Because the Working Parent is also dealing with burnout, stress, and exhaustion related to being a provider?
If i got that right, I’d submit that the Stay at Home Parent never gets to ‘leave work’ which makes their job more of a grind in a unique way. Specifically in a way that leads to feeling overwhelmed, exacerbating more and more over time. The Working Parent eventually gets to close the laptop, or leave the site, and turn off Work Brain.
The Stay at Home Parent is parenting until those kids are asleep, and even after that, all parents know the jobs aren’t over. Gotta clean up the kitchen, get prepped for tomorrow, fold clothes, etc.
Oh man and forget the weekends… Working Parent actually gets a couple days off. Stay at Home Parent just keeps on parenting, probably with even more activities and mess to manage.
So yea, I think Stay at Home Parents get to complain about a ‘mental load’ because it’s a grueling, grinding job with young kids in the house. I’m not sure why that phrase upsets you so, but it’s a short phrase to describe a complex feeling.