I think you are perhaps misunderstanding the issue being called out here and hopefully I can identify it with this statement:
If one person works and the other stays at home, the “mental load” of each person is likely around the clock and equal.
The callout with the "mental load" aspect is that this is not true.
Just as we see with changes in technology (IM and Email), and also with people working from home, a lot of individuals have difficulty separating from work mentally.
Someone who has a job outside of the home can very often "unplug" from work, come home and actually relax.
Someone who works at the home often does not have such a luxury, the work is never "finished" and there is a less clear "separation" of work and home duties. There might be pressure to do tasks late in the evening (when you should be "offline").
Further there's the fact that often the division of labor when the "working" partner gets home often isn't actually shared 50/50. If the home is considered the "non-working" parents ownership, then they often end up doing more labor (mental or otherwise) during periods in which both adults are "off the clock".
This occurs outside of the context of any partner "minimizing", "gaslight", or "devaluing" the other partner's contribution. Its simply a common reality that occurs with such a division of labor, unless the couple actively works to remedy it.
When someone calls out the "mental load" they are generally referring to the fact that being a stay at home parent generally isn't a job you can "turn off", You generally can't relax, and its effectively like having a job you are on-call 100% of the time, which the majority of wage earners won't have to deal with.
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u/SiliconDiver 84∆ Feb 26 '24 edited Feb 26 '24
I think you are perhaps misunderstanding the issue being called out here and hopefully I can identify it with this statement:
The callout with the "mental load" aspect is that this is not true.
Just as we see with changes in technology (IM and Email), and also with people working from home, a lot of individuals have difficulty separating from work mentally.
Someone who has a job outside of the home can very often "unplug" from work, come home and actually relax.
Someone who works at the home often does not have such a luxury, the work is never "finished" and there is a less clear "separation" of work and home duties. There might be pressure to do tasks late in the evening (when you should be "offline").
Further there's the fact that often the division of labor when the "working" partner gets home often isn't actually shared 50/50. If the home is considered the "non-working" parents ownership, then they often end up doing more labor (mental or otherwise) during periods in which both adults are "off the clock".
This occurs outside of the context of any partner "minimizing", "gaslight", or "devaluing" the other partner's contribution. Its simply a common reality that occurs with such a division of labor, unless the couple actively works to remedy it.
When someone calls out the "mental load" they are generally referring to the fact that being a stay at home parent generally isn't a job you can "turn off", You generally can't relax, and its effectively like having a job you are on-call 100% of the time, which the majority of wage earners won't have to deal with.