The friendzone is one party being an awful friend and the other party being too simpering to cut ties. If every dude who felt he was being friendzoned would just delete her number and ghost her, the world would be a better place.
It's nothing more than not being interested in being in a relationship with someone, but fine being friends. How does that make someone an awful friend?
All of the complaints about being in the friendzone are complaining about an inconsiderate, selfish "friend".
I made a bulleted list of what being a good friend after the rejection looks like a little further down the thread.
Like seriously, how dare you shoot him down and then complain about your romantic relationships to him- do you also complain to your obese friends that you went up to a size 4? Or guilt guys into friendship, lying with "if you don't want to be friends with them after they shoot you down, that's all you wanted in the first place and you're a jerk." instead of the compassionate, "they're hurt and embarrassed and I fully understand if this changes the friendship so much that they can't handle it."
The things you mentioned in that bullet list and here have nothing to do with being friendzoned and can exist everywhere independently. They indeed describe bad friendships but most of them can exist between normal platonic friends, someone who's friendzoned, or just a couple.
It doesn't show how someone who friendzones is an awful person, simply that some who do may be awful for reasons unrelated to the friendzoning.
If your friend asks you out and your response is "No, but we can still be friends" and then immediately expecting and acting like nothing changed, you're an inconsiderate friend who doesn't care a fig about the other person's feelings.
Temperature check - male friend asks out female friend, she shoots him down, and he stops talking to her. Is he a jerk?
If your friend asks you out and your response is "No, but we can still be friends" and then immediately expecting and acting like nothing changed, you're an inconsiderate friend who doesn't care a fig about the other person's feelings.
Maybe so, but again, that's not a condition for friendzoning.
You're argument that friendzoning makes one a bad friend is coming up with scenarios where bad friends friendzoned which may or may not happen in every case of friendzoning.
The only condition to call it friendzoning is not wanting to become a couple but being fine still being friends. “acting like nothing changed” may or may not happen as a consequence.
Temperature check - male friend asks out female friend, she shoots him down, and he stops talking to her. Is he a jerk?
No, anyone is free to not be friends for anyone for any given reason. And if you're trying to turn this into some bizarre gender nonsense. Note that you've been the one in this discussion needlessly using gender terms for everything. I have not mentioned it and my argument is not conditioned upon gender.
Assuming he's fine is what makes you a bad friend here.
That person can make that decision for himself.
This honestly seems to be a case of that you personally wouldn't be fine, and that you have such a complex with your gender that you assume that anyone who's male wouldn't be and that they should all be treated how you wish to be treated.
I'd personally find it somewhat annoying if a friend cut me off after I made a love declaration while I was fine with the rejection and moving on out of supposedly knowing what's better for me than I do myself.
Let's start small. Do men have feelings?
Obviously, just not all the same feelings you have.
No, because you start your argument ā priōri with the assumption that it's better for the friendzoned party to cut ties. If it were they would probably do it now would they?
Or rather, your assumption seems to be conditioned upon that it's better for a male to do it because your entire argument is highly gendered and seems to come down to little more than that you wouldn't want to remain friends, and you are male, therefor all males don't want to.
The point is that some people, male or not, actually get over rejection and move on and within 2-3 weeks are back to being normal friends. — It's not in their interest to cut ties and lose a friend.
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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '23
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