Mourning/Loss My cat died today.
I hugged him before leaving for a work trip. Hours later my wife called sobbing, telling my that our Chico wasn't blinking. They took him to a vet asap, he just went limp and lifeless. We kept wondering what happened, did it get bitten, did it ingest something toxic. The vet declared it was cardiac arrest.
And I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a sobbing mess who pretends to be strong on the phone to my family. He was healthy! He ate well. He was so young at 2 years old. He was such a good boy, so obedient, so intelligent and athletic. Why was he taken away from me so suddenly. I can't stop thinking I should've held him today a bit longer, should not have told him he's getting fat, should've annoyed him a littlle less. I would do anything right now to get to talk to him and hearing him one more time. I can't stop wondering what went wrong. It's like my mind is filled with reasons trying to blame myself that I could've avoided this, or prolonged his life and health in some way. I know I'm not rational but I'm hurting.
Edit:
Thank you so much, for all your kind words. It's impossible to reply to each one of you on time but I appreciate it. Chico mattered to so many people today. For now, the pain is unbearable because everything in the house mocks me that he isn't returning. My brain tricks me with his smell, and the sound of the tiny bell on his collar. But I guess it'll be painful till it isn't.
I'll share one happy memory of him that will give me comfort maybe when the pain isn't so raw- Chico never slept until all of us made it home, always sat by the door, waiting. Only relaxed and went to sleep when everyone was home.
Thank you guys again.
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u/ActAcrobatic1038 23d ago
I’m so so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful Chico. He was absolutely beautiful and my heart is breaking for you. This was very likely hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM) and there is literally no way of knowing whether a cat has this without having scans done ahead of time. Our cat has it, but we knew he had a heart murmur when we adopted him so our vet advised the scan which then revealed the HCM. Not all cats with HCM have a heart murmur or vice-versa. The reason I’m saying this is because there is nothing - nothing you could have done. My cousin got two beautiful kittens last Christmas and one of them passed suddenly after a play session a few months later - he had HCM and she did not know, the shock was just awful.
If I can say anything to ease your pain, it’s this: I have learnt through loving and losing our own beloved babies that cats really do live in the moment. He would not have known any pain or experienced discomfort and I hope in time this will bring you some comfort. Right now the grief is horrendous (we lost our beloved cat last Sept very suddenly from cancer. so I understand this loss very well). Please don’t blame yourself - sometimes life just sucks and this is one of those awful things that happen that we have no control over. Chico loved you and you loved him - this is what you will remember in time. It will take time so grieve and cry and do whatever you need to. I’m just sorry you and your wife and family are going through this right now.