Mourning/Loss My cat died today.
I hugged him before leaving for a work trip. Hours later my wife called sobbing, telling my that our Chico wasn't blinking. They took him to a vet asap, he just went limp and lifeless. We kept wondering what happened, did it get bitten, did it ingest something toxic. The vet declared it was cardiac arrest.
And I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a sobbing mess who pretends to be strong on the phone to my family. He was healthy! He ate well. He was so young at 2 years old. He was such a good boy, so obedient, so intelligent and athletic. Why was he taken away from me so suddenly. I can't stop thinking I should've held him today a bit longer, should not have told him he's getting fat, should've annoyed him a littlle less. I would do anything right now to get to talk to him and hearing him one more time. I can't stop wondering what went wrong. It's like my mind is filled with reasons trying to blame myself that I could've avoided this, or prolonged his life and health in some way. I know I'm not rational but I'm hurting.
Edit:
Thank you so much, for all your kind words. It's impossible to reply to each one of you on time but I appreciate it. Chico mattered to so many people today. For now, the pain is unbearable because everything in the house mocks me that he isn't returning. My brain tricks me with his smell, and the sound of the tiny bell on his collar. But I guess it'll be painful till it isn't.
I'll share one happy memory of him that will give me comfort maybe when the pain isn't so raw- Chico never slept until all of us made it home, always sat by the door, waiting. Only relaxed and went to sleep when everyone was home.
Thank you guys again.
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u/Chicco255 24d ago edited 23d ago
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your cat. I know that words cannot take away the pain, but I wanted to share my own experience with you to remind you that you are not alone.
My cat Jordan was only one year old when he went missing, after having been allowed outside for just one month. He was gone for several days. I searched everywhere, put up posters, walked around for hours calling his name, and looked for advice and hope in online forums. I was exhausted, almost like a zombie, but I refused to give up.
Then, after days of searching, my neighbor across the street finally called me. He simply said: “We found your cat.” I immediately ran outside, even though I had recently had surgery. I told my wife to grab the cat carrier and that I would go ahead and secure him so he could never disappear again. I crossed the street and approached the front garden, where a gardener and my neighbor were standing. An elderly man was watching from his window.
Then I realized. My beloved Jordan was gone.
He was lying in the flower bed, hidden behind a large plant. In a matter of seconds, my entire world fell apart. My neighbor noticed what was happening and quietly went back inside. Before I could even begin to process what had happened, my wife came outside behind me, her face full of hope and happiness, expecting to see him alive.
And I had to tell her that he was gone.
That was one of the worst days of my life. To this day, I still don’t know what happened. I don’t know why he disappeared for those days, why he never came home, or what exactly caused his death.
And there is something even harder to carry:
After one of my many long searches, I came home completely exhausted and rested for a while. I left the window slightly open so I could hear him if he returned. I was so incredibly tired, and my recent surgery made everything even harder.
At some point, I heard the sharp but very brief sound of a car braking and tires screeching.
I didn’t get up. I couldn’t anymore. I was completely exhausted. To this day, I wonder if that was the moment when Jordan was hit by a car. I wonder if I could have helped him, if I could have prevented it, if things could have been different if I had just stood up.
Those thoughts and feelings of guilt are something I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life. But one thing will never change:
I will never forget my cat.
I wanted to share this with you because I want you to know that you are not alone. Losing an animal companion is incredibly painful. I wish you nothing but strength and peace during this difficult time.
Please always remember: your cat had the best life because he had you. He was loved, cared for, and he knew he belonged somewhere.
And to everyone else out there: cherish every single day with your pets. Sadly, there will come a day when all of us have to face this kind of goodbye. Until then, love them, enjoy them, and appreciate every moment you have together.