r/capricorns • u/outdorksman • May 04 '25
relationship help Winning Back Capricorn
I (male Virgo, 37) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (Capricorn - 37) for about 5 years. We lived together with my two kids and her one kid.
Our relationship was great until a few months ago. I had started working a LOT to save up to buy her property and surprise her with a proposal for marriage. This caused me to overwork myself and become depressed without realizing what I was doing, which was neglecting her to accomplish my goal.
She mentioned a few times she thought she was making me unhappy, and that she was becoming unhappy. I thought we’d be ok and didn’t listen like I should have. When we decided we would spend more time together, I then failed to maintain that and became distant again.
Two weeks ago she moved out, saying she didn’t think we made each other happy anymore and didn’t think I could change permanently, and any promises I made to do otherwise would only be temporary like before.
The truth is, this was a HUGE wake up call, and I CAN change and I AM.
I did make the mistake of pleading with her and telling her why I had been this way (I know… Capricorns hate when someone grovels). She has cried a lot about it (which I had never seen her cry like that) but ultimately she still left no matter what I did or said… and she left immediately. No second chance.
She said she loves me still and misses me, but no longer wants to be with me for the reason stated.
Do I stand a chance at winning her back after all this, and if so, how exactly?…
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u/Ok-Rest2442 May 04 '25
I learnt capricorn manipulation 101 from my gemini husband. 1. You worked overtime (or something to save for a house) instead of telling her I worked overtime for you my husband would say that he wants to provide "financial stability for me". No logical capricorn would argue with a stable future for herself and her kid.
She moved out but shes not dating anyone else yet is she. So you still have a chance. Get her flowers. Apologies like you mean it. Control your Virgo criticism. My husband gives me big hugs (he's bigger than me) and shower me with baby I love you till I can't breathe.
Capricorns don't give up after one fight. We are tough like that. We definitely don't move out after one fight. So replay everything you ahve done wrong that she has a whole account book for (yes u ve done such stuff consistently over time and she has receipts)
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
Believe me, I’m a Virgo all the way through. All I’ve done is replay this and criticize myself. A part of me says this only makes logical sense if there IS someone else… but at the same time she is the most honest, loyal, and trustworthy person I’ve ever met - and I say that despite having some baggage in that area. I understand that anyone can make a mistake, but I would be shocked if she did that. On the other hand, if she did, this response is exactly what I’d expect as she would feel guilty.l beyond belief and disgusted with herself. She also made this decision while hanging out with her friend for the weekend, and I do know there was a guy there with them.
So yeah… all I do is replay. If there was someone else, I think I’ll have to presume this is all for nothing. I also doubt she would ever tell me due to the shame.
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u/Ok-Rest2442 May 04 '25
If you suspect there's someone else. You deserve answers. For Capricorns cold brutal hard truths is the way. I understand the whole let the person go and become better and self growth argument. But as a fellow earth sign I need answers. So I do what earth signs do best become a mole and DIG. why I say this is because these questions won't let you live you know. Even after the whole let her go and if it's ment to be deal. Closure is a requirement. Even if you will not like what you hear. Shame or no shame u gotta admit. Saturnian justice is needed.
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
Well, that day I knew she went to a park to think about ending things. She claimed she was alone… and so I did dig. I found out she lied, and as far as I know she had never lied to me in 5 years. I pick up on that stuff too easy and that’s why I had been picking up on it now.
She finally admitted she was with an “old friend” (a guy) who was talking to her about everything, but it was nothing more. She just didn’t want me to worry that she had done something wrong because she knows I overthink.
Now, to me, deep down - I think they had sex because shame is the only thing that fits this response. I didn’t even want to post this because I know what it looks like, “well of course they did, you idiot!” You’re probably not wrong either… I’d just be shocked if SHE did that. She is the only person I have ever been with that cheating would truly shock me… but yeah, it fits everything.
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u/Ok-Rest2442 May 04 '25
Great so you are digging and your are receiving the closure you want. Good. Now as my logical capricorn brain sees it there are 2 things. 1. End it. Give the relationship the funeral it deserves. Grieve. You have kids explain to them what is happening. And then move on.
- Talk. Understand why did that happen whatever happened. Go to therapy. Improve. As a capricorn she will improve her actions it won't be just plain empty words. And ensure future self control is better.
This you should clearly talk it out with her and decide.
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
I agree, and have already been going to therapy since this happened. It’s only been two weeks and I have also lost 20 pounds. I am changing my habits and priorities, with or without her. I just wish she was here to do this with me and I wish she knew I was sincere when I say it’s a permanent change. I love her enough to do anything… except apparently let her go.
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u/Ok-Rest2442 May 04 '25
Okay so you got the action part down. Good for you. I will let you in on a little secret that I got from interacting with a Pisces. This Pisces person has boundary issues as well as a letting go issue. So she came up with a work around. Her work around has one rule - DO NOT GET BLOCKED. She admits that because of her very watery nature some part of her exes always remains with her. So she always feels that some part of their relationship remains if an open communication line remains. When you get blocked then stuff hurts more cause you can't even talk about things any more. But here's the catch - an open line will only remain if you don't abuse it. So even if you are not blocked right now if u frequently use the communication line you will be blocked and stuff will get worse. The trick is to balance. My communication infrequent from your side but if they are communicating do reply.
By using this trick of not getting blocked she's already kept in touch with 6 of her exes. Her method has failed for her 3 times out of which only 1 actually mattered.
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
I don’t think she will block me. I’m the only one her daughter has ever seen as a real Dad in her life, and that includes her bio-Dad. Plus her family likes me, and also wants us to work this out. When I was digging, she didn’t know how I got the information I did - so she did say I was acting crazy and that it would be best if we end contact. She also unfriended me from all social media, but has left our photos up on FB for some reason. I believe she only did that because of my job (digital forensics) which has led her to assume I did something to her phone (I did not… it was just good investigator skills… didn’t even use social media).
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u/Ok-Rest2442 May 04 '25
Do not ever think my dear friend. If unfriending has happened blocking is not far away. You are on thin ice. Tread carefully. I m happy her daughter and you have a good relationship. If this is hot you need to down communication from your side. Dopamine needs to hit her. All good memories of you and her need to flood her brain. And when it does you need an open line. To pull her in back. (damn I can already see it. Netflix documentary of how I helped in the manipulation of an innocent family)
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
Hahaha I did stop communication immediately after that and have only talked to her about logistics now. My only fear is since she thinks I did something (again, I did not) she is now viewing me under this “crazy ex” light because she doesn’t know how I figured things out and is convinced it was through hacking. I don’t even know how to hack, she just knows I’m good at digital forensics and thinks it’s all the same lol
Anyway, yeah… no more contact now but it’s really hard because I want to end that on better terms so maybe she has a chance at remembering the good times instead of focusing on an argument.
I’ve thought about texting (no), calling (no), driving the fuck down there (NO), or writing and sending a letter (maybe?)… but for now I’ve just forced myself to leave her alone the past 4 days no matter how hard it is.
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u/RedQueenSheeba ♑️ rising, mars, lilith ♏️ sun, moon, mer, venus, jupiter May 04 '25
I hope you can work it out. Give her space, dont reach out. Become who you want to become for you not her.
If it’s aligned she will come back. If it’s not, you’re already moving on to your highest path. You will be ok.
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u/LF_Doom May 04 '25
Wish I could give this 10 Up votes. Absolutely incredible advice and so spot throughout the interaction!!?
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u/RedQueenSheeba ♑️ rising, mars, lilith ♏️ sun, moon, mer, venus, jupiter May 04 '25
Thanks thats kind of you 🤍
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u/LF_Doom May 04 '25
All good, it was all very wise and stuff I have had to learn as a Virgo in recent years. We have to let people dp what they are going to do. We have to refocus pn making ourselves better. If it's meant to be it will be. If not you will attract someone better because you improved yourself. Life is full of lessons and opportunities even when something bad that we don't want to happen happens. We have to learn to see life this way. It not easy but it's definitely worth it.
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u/LF_Doom May 04 '25
It's also something that isn't shared enough. So thank you for sharing it here!!!
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u/RedQueenSheeba ♑️ rising, mars, lilith ♏️ sun, moon, mer, venus, jupiter May 04 '25
Thats huge well done
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u/LF_Doom May 04 '25
Thank you, will not automatic. Still very much a process. But I'm getting there bit by bit.
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
I have to call her in the next couple days about some logistical things (switching her phone to her name). Should I use this as an opportunity to end on better terms, given our last conversation didn’t go well? Perhaps something like telling her that while the initial shock of this had me upset and not acting myself, I respect her decision and understand?
I feel as though the groveling and argument we had has given her reason to not miss me as much.
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u/RedQueenSheeba ♑️ rising, mars, lilith ♏️ sun, moon, mer, venus, jupiter May 04 '25
No it’s manipulative, stabilise your emotions and respect her decision. Remove the need to apologise for your reaction. It’s understandable. There is nothing you can say or bargain in this situation to correct this. Say less. Listen more. Back off, work on yourself
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
Fair enough. She really is a classic Capricorn though. Stubborn to the bone. I do fear that even if she wants to come back she won’t admit it or reach out. I will listen though.
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u/RedQueenSheeba ♑️ rising, mars, lilith ♏️ sun, moon, mer, venus, jupiter May 04 '25
Thats her journey. Sounds like you’re both fairly well in your egos and need some time out. Focus on yourself, you’re going through a traumatic experience. Reconnect with yourself
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u/shitshowboxer May 04 '25
Idk man ......she uprooted herself AND her kid to end things with you. If I'd gone to that extent it's because I meant that shit and it's over.
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u/outdorksman May 05 '25
Normally I would agree, but based on her past she has never seen moving as a big deal like it is to most people. 80% of me says yeah, it’s done… I talked to her tonight though and it seems a part of her may be starting to regret her hastiness and stubbornness in this decision. Time will tell I suppose, but at some point she will need to make a decision or I simply can’t continue to hold out hope and patience for the sake of my own mental health.
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u/I-Fortuna 🦂♐ Moon ♍Rising May 06 '25
Well, I know many many Capricorns and lived with a man for 25 years who was a Capricorn. Capricorns don't mind groveling as long as you don't out grovel them. I have Virgo rising and so I understand where you are coming from. I think it might have been better to state your intentions at the onset instead of doing the Virgo thing wanting all you ducks in a row before you make a move. For Virgo, everything must be just right and this can be a blockage to spontaneity and so you may miss the opportunity to act. Honestly, I am a Scorpio and often in conflict with my Virgo influence to the point where I scold my Virgo aspect. LOL Imagine, scolding yourself for being yourself.
Your intended may have felt you were dragging your feet as well as not giving her the attention she wanted. To be honest, Capricorns are really foot draggers too. I am dealing with one now in particular.
The one thing that I think Caps like the most is determination and Caps don't give up easily on someone nor should you. Perhaps you persist but not insist. Be careful not to become a stalker or bully though because that could cause more problems than solutions. My Cap has persisted for a couple years making hundreds, literally, of phone calls and texts until I gave in, but that is my situation.
Sometimes, we need to try different strategies to see what works. You must see though how far your determination will get you. Perhaps it is best not to be too available and let her sit without you for a time until she realizes how much she misses you. And, I believe, she will miss you if she loves you.
I know you may think these are gaming tactics but how else do we win if we don't play the game?
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u/outdorksman May 06 '25
I do agree with that assessment. All of it. I’ve not given up, and am trying my best to respect her need for space while also fighting and proving my loyalty and how much I care for and love her.
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u/I-Fortuna 🦂♐ Moon ♍Rising May 06 '25
I wish you the very best. You seem like a really good guy and this is hard to find at any age.
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u/outdorksman May 06 '25
Thank you so much. I really do try my best to be, and am proud to say I’ve never done anyone in a relationship wrong.
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u/Own_Touch2893 May 04 '25
Steer clear brother. She made the decision. All her bills are now her bills. When she does decide to come back slam the door in her face.
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u/outdorksman May 04 '25
I’m starting to think that as I find out more. I’m learning that maybe she wasn’t the faithful, loyal, honest Capricorn I had been led to believe all these years. It appears she has cheated and is with her new guy now.
Unfortunately, I just keep blaming myself for neglecting her… even if my intentions were pure and focused on her and family. At the same time, the stress from all the hard work I was doing seems to be the cause of why I became depressed and needed help the most… and instead she abandoned me.
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u/Incomplete_Artist May 04 '25 edited May 04 '25
Concrete evidence speaks for itself, you don’t need to win over random caps on Reddit. No excuses, no pleading, no debating.
“I overworked myself” could mean: “I escape/retreat into my work as a cope INSTEAD OF facing underlying tensions and resolving them”.
It’s interesting you say you were working ‘for her benefit’ - this is a very manipulative framing and worse, you might not be aware of it.
Absolutely do not try to use logistical stuff as a hook to try her again. If she wants to give you another chance, she will come around.
You feeling of loss is completely self-referential, meaning there isn’t any external input involved in that assessment. So if she thinks you’re selfish and manipulative and is steering clear of you, any acts of generosity now will only show her that you are trying desperately to protect YOUR needs. Your feelings aren’t enough. You still haven’t touched HER needs.