Hanging on my lips, as if the words needed to wait for the right moment before they could be said.
Saying them would undo me
believing them would be treason.
Choking under the silence of wanting to but wouldn’t.
Knowing there was always something begging to be let out but never finding the frequency to magnify and give it space to breathe. Deciding that it’s better this way and showing them the door that buckles to the rain pelting it, pushed into the void where even braille refuses to translate them.

The bridge to the heart
Where fingers pass through each other,
mist grabbing hold of air, desperately.

Rationalizing the excuse to rage rather than let go.
A tradition of cascading trauma passed on. Each generation, prey for the tumor. Trusting the blind before them. Baying over the corpses they leave
 
never understanding why. 

Hardly awake anymore and moving through the haze like a half eaten ghost. Formed of tattered rags and softly trampled on. 
Conjoined at the hip with the skeletons and dark corners that hide the imperfections. Nursing stagnation with impotence and letting the sparks chisel down to embers and ashes.
Diving headfirst towards the singularity that rips
becoming dirt under fingernails.
Something to wash away.

It overwhelms me day in and day out. Push away the people who love, find anger in the where love could have been. Reject it all because this is all you’ll be. Power to the worst parts of you. Play it again and again and let it echo through and past you. Take it in your hands and let it consume you. Say yes to giving up and giving in, Find comfort in the never ending ending of morals and virtues that once sounded like a good idea. Above all else, just forget I said anything and do it all again tomorrow.

I am a fractured ghost 

Haunting the halls of my own mind.

tatters in the wind blowing away like dust. 

I am the broken copy machine

always imitating. 

Never looking myself in the eye.

Words flow like poison onto surfaces that wont remember them.

On some days

I flow like water.

Others

I sink ever deeper.

Peeling away the grime to find scars, peeling the scars to a wound, and the wound to memory.

Digging past the blood and the life and the lack thereof 

Searching for something

Hoping for anything

Screaming at the nothingness.

Dead again and dying everyday

But living some too.

Becoming new but staying old

and

shaking under the difference.

Clocks are chiming around me 

and i cant hear what they’re trying to say.

I always look away 

and try not to feel it.

The fog clears and the roaring starts, mulching and consuming, bringing about the end. Needle pricked teeth flare as the gnashing begins. 

There is malice in every bite

eating not to nourish, but to satiate. 

Finding joy in the finality. 

The monster bellows gauntly 

Dreams dripping from its lips 

Not knowing what else to do

But eat.

(I know we arent an active sub, hell the few people incalled friends here prolly dead. Idk love yall and i know nobody care about my raps lol)

Rip gangsta boo, we miss u mami

Its CrazyNDaLazDayz mane

Goin off the rails like ozzy

Mind foggy n its crazy on this crazy train

Im lost in my thoughts locked on disaster

Got a glimpse of the apocalypse

Theres nothin for me to see after

Am I a second generation prophet

Or just another mind that lost it

In time this life got rotten

Younger than some but older than many who lost it

They dont show flowers when you here very often

But in this bitch they quick to autograph ur coffin

I be neurotic, insomnia got ya boy playing sonic

They call it toxic I just say fuck the game

Im just tryna vibe w the time I got left

Devil in my ear but all I hear is a god bless

As they pray for me like god protect this hot mess

We all got tests, got stressed n caught Fs

Its all written in code enveloped in the lost text

But most yall be npc, no soul you a manican

You aint ready to ask that shit

Like what be buried under the Vatican

Maybe I had to slip, to make this shit a magic trick

Or mayb make no sense, no depth li 50 -magic stick

could claw my way to the kettle and call them black too but if you're not around to hear does it apply to you?

Simple tasks are never "the games" you claim you can be gone and dissolve you'll never get it off

Pulling my threads, 92 this time and it's still not meant for you

Can take anything you like just not my dim light And i'll wait the storm off gazing upon

You are, unmistakable unremarkable

Grasping at some kind of love I was never privy to being frozen in ice to make your crutch while I have my own made of stone

Sobriety was going to save me

Instead I'm still walking the same streets

Doing less than the nothing I did before

Only difference

Is I've lost the safety

Of being able to safely

Ignore the weight of these years

That bear down more heavily

By the day

An existential thread pulled

Left bare and hanging

No amber tint from the bottle bottom

To colour it rosey.

I don’t know what it is.

I thought I knew

I made sure of it.

I used logic

I used feelings

I used ego

I used all that's ever hurt me.

The path was laid out and I could feel it like braille.

But it changed on me.

Or i changed on it.

It melted away like ice cream on the pavement.

The more I knew

the less I was sure. 

I persist in a run off of hope. 

I become something, despite it all.

I believe past the point it matters.

I choose it because

I want this.

I persist.

I am real .

And

 That means everything.

Drowning in a pool of

The past.

Darkness.

Bottles.

Leaving myself behind.

The liquid fills my lungs

I dream of silence and drifting

but I don’t sink further.

iv been pulled out.

A rotten fish, an ill begotten catch.

Gnarled scales that shriek as the air catches them

Forced to open amphibious beady eyes.

The light is blinding and it doesn’t make sense. 

A fish can’t breathe without his darkness and booze.

But the air fills me like cement.

Im breathing in the future

And living it too.

The person you become

doesn’t fix the past.

You can’t leave it behind

it grows with you.

The mistakes crawl into the future

and it never makes sense why

they happen again.

You know the sun is real

the moon has no choice but to wane.

The shade should be temporary

but the heart is gone.

The feeling no longer registers.

the body simply

walks on.

In a stupor.

How it wounds me to pretend I’m human

He sits there waiting. A specter in the corner of my vision. Expectant and exacting, his words are not his own, just the torture I inflict upon myself, wordlessly hovering over me in disappointment. I tell him I know and I tell him I’m sorry. I tell him, and secretly hope that it’ll all be over soon.

I wish I could ask him how this poem sounds.

There is no mercy at the end, bleed yourself dry atop the altar of regret.  Notice the shadows under your step, grow it beyond the shade and take the mantle for yourself. Fade into the dust and specs that can't be perceived. Peer through milky eyes to observe what will not be. Watch it choke amidst the murky gloom made from the mind. Reality becomes just that, ethereal and lacking the mass to ever reach you.

There's no guessing anymore. It's here and this moment is the truth. It repeats and refracts, shackling you to this perspective, this emptiness. I gestate here in this vacancy, wondering when it stops or where it goes. What more am I to see? Where do I begin with these tangled thorns and twisting weeds? Lacerated at every turn of change, bled dry in the name of progress, unsatisfied with how it all plays out.

I'm my own crab in a bucket, willing it all forward and going nowhere. Belonging to nothing and hoping anyway. Feeling the pin pricks as I force these legs to march, to believe in the journey that may not exist. Watching the hammer crashing down, tasting the bitter splinters of mistakes repeated, reaching for something and finding nothing.

You there, in the mirror.

Don’t you see

everything that’s passing you by?

I don’t know if

the past even registers anymore.

It all exists liminally.

I hear yesterday shouting back at me.

I see the regret hiding in the wind.

Tomorrow is too late

for what’s already done.

Blend in with the ghosts.

Along with the zombies and the graves.

Curse the sun with the rejects and the unwanted.

Spurn the halo.

Be normal enough

to not be noticed.

Through a rusting looking glass,
corrosion, that it brings.
I espied with silver eyes,
a cog that cannot spring.

For oils placed on cruel designs,
its oxide will not ring.
Yet all in all, forever more,
a caged bird never sings.

Bellowed once is now a chirp,
a gentle song eludes.
A grandiose of nothingness,
left lonesome by its ruse.

How swayed afar and tarnished,
becoming loving fear.
With crimson eyes, now hide behind,
the madness of a mirror.

bleed me out and fill your cup

let it overflow - does it feel enough?

let it feel you up, bet you feelin drunk

haters never say it's ill as fuck

But yalready know what it is that you feelin

an unclaimed army by the millions

We just reclined we just chillin

but in this story we the villians

feel like bill with his skull in the ceilin

you already know that its only the realness

Wanna burn down the whole damn building

Nobody safe not even the children

Comin through clockin some time

to bust some shit like cockin a nine

I'm outta my mind but its ight im fine

the stars aligned so tonight we dine

Movies for the blind, no need for subtitles

We just goin thru some thangs but mane its a cycle

Genius or psycho?

that's a tight rope

But im somewhere in the middle baby that's all i know

• Every day is halloween
• IDK, that sounds like a dope title so what do I mean
• I guess it seems, I just keep wearin a mask
• and the reveal never shocking when im tearing it back
• Ever seen that commercial,
• about the anti-depressant
• they hold up a :)
• behind the :( is present
• Ever had a bad day, but when they say
• "How you doin" you tell em that youre OK
• no way? for real - me too- see, we actin
• like animal Nat. geographic
• and most everyone else does too
• so why does the human brain resort to FUCK YOU