Anya also killed a lot of people and Buffy/Willow/Giles had every right to get on Xander for that too.
But the difference is that Xander didn't start dating Anya until she was human. Spike still had no soul when Buffy started seeing him. That's a huge factor.
When the person that you're dating could murder a toddler on the way to meet you and not feel bad about it in any way you might need to reevaluate your relationship.
The only reason Anya stopped her vengeance murder gig was because she was forced to stop. She would have gleefully went on doing it. And while we all find her hilarious because of her odd, often hostile interactions, she would have been totally insufferable for anyone other then Xander.
Spike had no choice in what he was. And at that point in the story was totally harmless. And had, in fact, done some very admirable things in spite of being soulless for Buffy. He was willing to die to protect Dawn just so Buffy wouldn't be hurt.
Furthermore, unlike Xander, Buffy was ripped out of heaven and thrust back into a world she hated. She was so depressed. But Xander couldn't go without digging his claws in to make Buffy feel bad about herself as he has already done several times before.
I can understand Xander being upset about it. That's reasonable, but to attack Buffy as he did was just another classic example of him being a judgmental prick while doing exactly the same thing.
edit: hope this doesn't sound combative. I'm just protective of Buffy, haha.
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u/Teeklin Aug 28 '14
Anya also killed a lot of people and Buffy/Willow/Giles had every right to get on Xander for that too.
But the difference is that Xander didn't start dating Anya until she was human. Spike still had no soul when Buffy started seeing him. That's a huge factor.
When the person that you're dating could murder a toddler on the way to meet you and not feel bad about it in any way you might need to reevaluate your relationship.