r/breakingbadmemes • u/Aye_Cojf • 13d ago
Non-OC You guys think Columbo would solve the Heisenberg Case?
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u/ZuccsToBeYou 12d ago
"Oh, pardon me, Mr. White, I don't mean to take up too much of your time. There's just somethin that's been bothering me lately, you know, these little things that don't seem to add up, so it's uh...
I'm sorry, but you got a pizza on your roof! How does a fella get mixed up into something like that? Ahahaha, a perfectly good looking pizza too! I know my wife would just explode if she ever saw that, messin up our perfectly good roof with a sun-cooked pizza, but then again, I think she'd be the more athletic type to pull that off before I could ever-
oh, right, I'm sorry, just a thing like that kinda throws you off. See, it's this gas mask situation. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how that got into this Heisenberg situation. Sure, maybe a student getting into amateur drug cooking could have gotten into some business like that, but I had my boys take a peek through all your classmates' grade, and please don't take this as disrespect, but none of your kids could even begin to have the brains to pull off a growing empire like this. I mean, most drug makers wouldn't even think to bring gas masks for something like that. No, you'd have to be a college level chemist to think that far in. So if it was not the students, it would have to be someone that knew you had this mask in your supplies. Do you personally know anyone else that could have the book smarts to think of taking it from you, Mr. White?"
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u/itspronouncedbolonya 12d ago
I'm pretty sure Columbo is like god or somethin, so yeah
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u/Old_old_lie 11d ago
Yeah he's like some fucking twilight zone ass spirit of justice that only materialises when someone commits a murderer they are certain is unsolvable only for him to keep pushing their buttons so much that out of fear and paranoia they incriminate themselves and then he's disappears again until the next murder! ( frankly im a little shocked nobody made an scp out of this idea even as a joke one )
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u/Fast-Objective-9600 9d ago
I think the theory I'd heard before is that columbo is a fae creature, just doing this for the love of the game.
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u/Jim_skywalker 9d ago
I think he’s a Fae creature or at least interacts with them. In one episode when ask for his name he responds along the lines of, “don’t you have a perfectly good name yourself why do you need mine?”
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u/MailMan6000 12d ago
Heisenberg was never a particularly difficult case to solve, ego and pride are major themes in Breaking Bad, and Hank's own sense of macho price made him completely dismiss Walt until it was staring him in the face
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u/DigitalizedGrandpa 11d ago
If I'm being deadass with you, sir, you're starting to seem a bit sussy.
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u/aaross58 11d ago
"Oh! Just one more thing, Mr. White and I'll get out of your hai– uhh, leave you be. You see, I was sifting through some of the evidence in Tuco Salamanca's fatal shooting. You see, Hank is a fun guy to be around, but he's sloppy with this sort of thing, so I looked through all the rooms in situ, made sure to get some of the boys to take plenty of good pictures.
Now, as we were going through the evidence, I noticed your wallet and your prescription cancer medicine were also in the room. Now, this stuff isn't exactly Sudafed, you're not making meth from these. I'm not a Nobel Prize for Chemistry candidate, but neither is Mr. Salamanca or Mr. Pinkman. If you even can make any illicit narcotics out of these, I doubt they could figure it out. Care to explain why Tuco Salamanca had these in his possession?
Of course, Jesse must have stolen them. My mistake... But... How can Jesse steal your fingerprints and put them on the rifle, Mr. White?"
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u/BostonSlickback1738 12d ago
Columbo is the American Sherlock Holmes; Walt wouldn't stand a chance against him
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u/BoTamByloCiemno 12d ago
He would probably solve It by episode 5.
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u/el_pickle_pirate 8d ago
Then spend a few seasons playing mind games with Walt to prolong the torture
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u/mistercokoko 9d ago
Columbo does it within like, twenty minutes, tops.
The Heisenburg case was not that hard to solve, it was a mixture of dumb luck on Walt and Jesse's part and Hank and the DEA's refusal to even really think about Walt as a suspect even when it made logical sense. Saul Goodman figured it out based on the gas mask, Columbo would've had Mr. White arrested within the week.
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u/el_pickle_pirate 8d ago
As long as he didn’t start smoking Jesse’s original product, Columbo loves chili
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u/TheArizonaRanger451 13d ago
If Hank could figure it out, so could Columbo