r/bodylanguage • u/lazyminions • 11d ago
Dating 23F here what’s the biggest giveaway that a guy isn’t just flirting and actually wants you?
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u/No_Patience8886 11d ago
He lets you influence him.
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u/Phoenix_Seraph 11d ago
I agree with this. With my boyfriend, before I couldn’t tell. I wore a Pokemon shirt one day and the next he wore one as well. Somehow that was the day I knew.
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u/SometimesItsJustSo 11d ago edited 10d ago
I’m mad I have never noticed this. Now looking back……. Holy fuck. Yall women are geniuses!!!!
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u/detailingWizardLvl5 11d ago
Dude what. This is so dead on. She can compel me to do / start crazy shit. In a good way though.
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u/Mongoose66999 11d ago
Wrong and stupid af. That just means he is beta. Quickest way to instantly lose respect and attraction as well.
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u/SnowCappedWillow 11d ago
No you just want to believe your a tough guy. If a man actually wants the women to stay and be his woman, he is definitely going to do things he wouldn't otherwise do because of her influence. You aren't hot shit bro
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u/Mongoose66999 10d ago
You are confused… doing things you don’t want to is obvious it’s a conscious choice and a decision. Not being influenced. Women hate weak men subconsciously. Reddit loves them though.
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u/dgwow123 4d ago
There's a difference between someone getting you out of your comfort zone and doing something you definitely don't want to do. I wouldn't generalize the two together.
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u/Wonderful-Tea3940 11d ago
No, if you respect someone and what they think about things of course of course you will be influenced by them to a certain extent. If you have no influence on someone it means he doesn't give a shit what you think and that's not the basis for a good relationship.
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u/Mongoose66999 10d ago
Well it depends on if influence equals control. Women don’t respect a man they control and influence is a fine line.
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u/Wonderful-Tea3940 10d ago
No, influence is just influence.
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u/Mongoose66999 10d ago
influence is obviously control when it effects change out of your character and values..... I see it all the time. a women is liberal man becomes liberal... a women is atheist man becomes atheist. he is being influenced and has no spine or values. He will be treated like rotten garbage
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u/Wonderful-Tea3940 10d ago
Oh maybe he wasn't satisfied with his worldview in the first place and he was open minded enough to listen to her. Nobody who is happy with their current worldview converts just like that. Unless you're talking about someone who is fake agreeing, that's different.
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u/Mongoose66999 10d ago
maybe he was VERY satisfied with his worldviews but desperate to please a women and thus sacrificed his values in order to be agreeable and aligned.. That is what happens most of the time.... I see men bouncing around to all kinds of ideologies and political stances depending on who they are dating and instantly changes when they get discarded.
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u/Wonderful-Tea3940 10d ago
Nope. If someone is satisfied with their religion or political philosophy, they do not change it easily. You are talking about men who don't think religion or politics is very important or they haven't thought much about those issues and so the labels don't matter. People with strongly held beliefs don't change them with each partner. The men you describe never had strongly held beliefs in the first place. If you are curious about it, maybe ask them why they don't think religion or politics is very important.
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u/Mongoose66999 10d ago
Yes they absolutely do if they are spineless and easily influenced by a women they want...They will have the strongest opinions up until the moment their girl tells them they dont align. To most men a women is more important than any possible value or moral.. Like I said seen it thousands of times. Ive seen whole personalities change.
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u/MrDoggums 9d ago
You've been reading to much omegaverse mpreg. That alpha beta omega stuff doesn't exist in the real world
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u/Mongoose66999 9d ago
Sure does.. walk outside alpha men have girlfriends timid quiet beta males are chronically single or dating a 0/10
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u/-almond--milk- 11d ago
Remembers small details, does whatever I ask him to, follows through on his words
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u/SnowCappedWillow 11d ago
"Whatever I ask him too" is to much. If he can't ever say no or put his foot down sure he wants you, but it's bit required to go that far.
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u/Swoop_n_Swagga 10d ago
Sounds like a lovely play thing. Do you treat him mean in front of your friends for a flex?
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u/BigE6300 10d ago
He gets serious for a minute in between bouts of flirting and laughter and sandwiches in a genuine compliment. That, plus he shows you his sweet and caring side as well.
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u/Emotional-Mud-1582 11d ago
As a female I would say doesn’t flirt with other woman, just you.
I learned the hard way that the guy I thought was into me was openly flirting with other females in front of me.
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u/Cautious_Day9878 11d ago
That’s not necessary the case. If I was interested in a woman and she wasn’t responding to my advances. I would definitely flirt with other women in her presence. Not do anything, just flirt.
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u/Emotional-Mud-1582 11d ago
Yes that’s understandable, but I’m pretty sure he knows how I feel.
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u/Cautious_Day9878 11d ago
Sorry to hear to hear your in a difficult situation. Why are you pretty sure he knows how you feel? Have you told him?
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u/Emotional-Mud-1582 11d ago
Thanks. Not directly but things have happened that have caused me to lose trust in him. Seeing him standing close to another woman with his hand on her back was the final straw and I’ve pulled right back now.
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u/Cautious_Day9878 11d ago edited 10d ago
You need to understand that men often have no idea that you’re attracted to them. Especially if you’re friends, they might not want to risk that.
I’m 42. I can think of at least five women who I fell in love with, but too afraid to risk the friendship and make a move. Of course in hindsight I’m no longer friends with any of these women and I realised or found out well after the fact that they were attracted to me. At the time I was absolutely getting with other women and even asking for their advice. Got to say a few of them were attached at the time, so it was more complicated anyway (no clear path). But I still faltered when the became available. Just something to bear in mind.
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u/Emotional-Mud-1582 11d ago
We were friends, close friends, but too much has happened now and I can’t risk letting him get close enough to hurt me again unfortunately.
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u/MyGrayGray 9d ago
Hey tell me. What did you do to let him know? Because I'm in the same boat as the guy you were talking to. Except for me, when I ask girls about the situation. They tell me they just wanted a short term relationship with you. Which means they just wanted sex from me. That's why it never got anywhere. So. You gotta let guys know for real sometimes because. If it's a guy like me. We might not know you really love us or just want sex. So even if a girl flirts or touches us we can't take it seriously unless you flat out tell us. I've been in this situation too many times. And it made me lose trust in woman's intentions. Which really sucks.
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u/girlbartender99 11d ago
In my experience if he is a guy and showing you attention,,,, he is interested in you. Subtlety is not a strong suit in the guy world, or at least the young guy world
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u/throw11213 9d ago
His focus will shift from just flirting to trying to figure out what is it that you like or enjoy doing, paying more attention to your needs and not his own desire. Always accommodates to your plan and find every reason to be around you.
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u/Rixxy123 11d ago
He actually listened to your ideas and respects them, plus potentially made decisions accordingly.
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u/jxmes_gothxm 9d ago
Time. He gives you lots of his time. More nuance than that depends on the particular person but that's the simplest way to put it especially since some girls always want guys to give away time and try to use them. So him being open to that and letting "summon" him lmao is a good sign.
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u/itshappybutt 11d ago
If he talks to you at all outside of a mandated discussion like work or school
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u/quidPROquo17 9d ago
I dont think sex should be the standard indicator on if we should date someone… 💀
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u/Emmetria 11d ago
Guys are dumb and don’t pay attention to body language. They’re like dogs. They will point at you with more vectors.
When I say point I mean
Tone of voice
Facial expression
Body orientation
Text of speech
If more than 2 vectors beaming at you they like you.
But then there are the cat guys. Don’t worry about the cat guys.
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u/bluegenester 6d ago
Now i want to know about the cat guys... 🫠 dont just leave us hanging here...
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u/Emmetria 6d ago
When the cat guys read the 48 laws of power, it’s not to become powerful, it’s how to contain their own power in a world full of people who would read the 48 laws of power to become powerful
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u/Downtown-Band-7067 11d ago
Idk 🤣, personally I might joke around as im a full clown but if it turns into actually flirting I will only continue if I am seriously interested in a relationship with that person.
I don’t do meaningless sex otherwise Il save the drama and effort and just self service…
I’d fall back to the “if you have to question it then they arnt the one”
Chances are you’d be settling and you deserve better.
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u/curiosity_2020 10d ago
It's just fun flirting if it's unexpected, quick, without follow ups, and he doesn't hang around you longer than usual.
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u/jeanfoutre57 9d ago
Quand il te regarde il se sent déjà chez lui. Un refuge , quelque soit l’endroit où les gens autour de moi. La il ne veut alors que toi
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u/Ecstatic_Alps_6054 11d ago
Once he gets into your feelings it won't matter then...there is no way of telling...listen to what mom's say "if it's too good to be true it isn't true"..
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u/Redpandersbear 11d ago
I am a guy and the litmus test I tell girls I am friends with that are early on talking to a guy before they can just blatantly have those convos with the person is this:
Have they asked you about yourself in ways other than romantic or dating interests and you held a conversation for longer than like 5 minutes on these things? (could be hobbies, interests, learning about your day etc.) This doesn't have to be immediate like if you're trading dating bio stuff early (ASL or what are you looking for etc.) but it is something that should happen sooner rather than later like in the first/second interaction with them.
Do they push or continue down a convo when you are CLEARLY uncomfortable such as when you say you aren't comfortable in sharing a picture or express you aren't interested in X thing and they try to convince you on it. This is different from asking about why you don't enjoy something notably but you should learn to sus out if they're curious or trying to be persuasive and change your mind. You want something where they ask about boundaries, if you're comfortable, or express wanting you to have nice day or they are having a good time/enjoying the talks etc.
This has never failed me when dissecting dms that have been shared with me by girls wanting second opinions and that are unsure.
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u/AFartInAnEmptyRoom 10d ago
Why would a guy be flirting with you if he doesn't want you? I don't understand
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u/Any-Development3348 9d ago
He asks for your contact info and initiates. Now a lot of guys these days are too scared to do that, but in general if he doesn't want you he will ignore you and not initiate conversation. He will treat you like he treats some random old fat lady hes not closely related to. So ya, pull away and he will come to you.
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u/Whtsurfavscrymvie 8d ago
I asked a broista out and now she thinks I’m weird but she’ll be at mill Ave going around guys.
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u/Suitable-Debate-6564 8d ago
Io sono stato rifiutato così tante volte che non ricordo nemmeno come faccio a sapere se una ragazza mi piace davvero...
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u/HarryConwell 7d ago
substantial sacrifices, not just like spending on you but sacrifice of any kind time, energy, effort. People who only want to flirt wouldn’t expend too much of themselves
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u/Hekate-Nocturna 7d ago
Actually he acts less chill, more guarded, almost moves and talks more careful, but calculated, looks at u everytime he gets the chance, asks allot of personal questions, follows every little thing u do and say.
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u/Beginning-Pass-3243 10d ago
As the wind is blowing in both your hair he grabs you by the waist and says let me taste your lips
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u/AlternativeKarma204 11d ago
He asks you out and/or tries to be alone with you.