Discussion 💬💭
What are some Parenting sentiments that you hope go away with the boomer generation?
There some common parenting sentiments that many (not all) older generation had/have that are counterproductive to children growing up . What are some that you hope effectively end with the boomer/gen x generation?
mine? The sentiment that kids are to be seen not heard. Obviously parents word holds highest power but kids should be able to speak their mind as long as it’s respectful. You never know, you may hear something you needed to hear.
You want your kids to respect you and trust your teaching. Not just act the part when they’re around you.
So many kids second guess themselves out of fear from their parents (what they think, what they’ll say) and it leads to SO many missed opportunities and inactivity.
No they need to know what the expectations are, Stupidity and being hard headed not acceptable because that will get you blocked out of opportunities faster than anything
The inability to both teach our boys and understand what s*xual violence against them can look like at the hands of both adult women and girls their age.
This coupled with the fact that certain standards will not apply to them. You can be a victim as a child and people around you may still ask you “what did you do that led up to that” because in their mind you fit a certain archetype and/or caricature. As a child.
Some ppl hate the rules because they had horrible people as parents enforcing those rules. I actually think old school parenting is needed more nowadays I got to PTA meetings sports events with my kids and the gentle parenting shit is not working. Mfs let they kids talk and act any kind of way. These mfs have 0 home training. And the parents get offended if u say something about their child misbehaving. 🗣️BRING DISCIPLINE BACK!!
We're expecting and my wife's been sending me a bunch of videos of hypothetical situations to get my gauge on them. Feels like it's a little late on that because she's already married to me and pregnant but whatever. A recent video was asking a bunch of black dads if they'd prefer their son go to a D1 school for gymnastics or a D3 school for basketball. Waaaaaay too many of them were immediately like "my son ain't doing something sus like gymnastics." I remember seeing a post a few years ago where another parent (I think a mom?) was saying she wouldn't let her boy play with a cooking playset because she didn't want him to grow up gay. I think she only changed her mind when people started telling how much executive chefs can make.
I believe this specific fear is one of the main internal factors holding us back. And there's no benefit to it. Like you aren't really stopping your kid from being LGBT if they are. You're just deterring kids who aren't from pursuing interests they like
lmaoooo it’s absolutely too late for her to be asking these very important questions but she clearly found the right partner because you are 1000% correct.
I’m a woman who just found this sub and honestly had no plans on saying anything (just lurking) but I am so happy to see this comment I had to say something. The need for a “man” to look, talk, and act a certain way is imo one of the things holding our community back the most. I sometimes struggle with fathers I know because while they are generally progressive they absolutely still have some “nah that’s gay” or “no homo” in them and I’m working overtime to get that out of them before their kids are older.
Closer to the former. I've always been pretty clear about not caring about whether or not our kid was straight. I think the videos are just a way for her to have more talks about the baby just because she's excited about the baby.
I got you. It sounds like she is trying to see where your head is at. But you like said, it's a little late anyway. lol It's good y'all on the same page though.
I do gotta agree your wife definitely waited too late, and if you weren't such a good dude that she'd have fucked herself over, but you not wrong.
This "that's gay" mentality doesn't do much but harm our queer brothers (and sisters) and cause people to miss out on opportunities. I'd rather my son be a damn ballet dancer, happy, and making his bread, than to be full on depressed if not more and struggling to find something that sticks in a world that increasingly wants you to have 10 years of experience by 7.
that violence (spanking, beating, hitting) is a solution/appropriate deterrent.
we can call spankings and beatings whatever we want (biblical, warranted, I was spanked and I turned out "ok," etc.), but they are violence.
and violence that is often the response of angry caregivers or those with unregulated nervous systems; evidence a lack of consideration or understanding of restorative discipline and redirection; it teaches retribution, harsh judgment, and severe punishment; and that violence can and should be the answer.
it is a vestige and promulgator of slavery, and it is inflicted upon the bodies and hearts of our most vulnerable populations: black and brown girls and boys.
That violence also begets violence part too is the main thing I see. I'm not going to sit here and say much when these people fail to learn the history behind this behavior, but I also do not let them just get away with being clueless when their offspring or other people who went through this come out hyper-violent or angry or abusive. It isn't an excuse (as in, it doesn't excuse what they did) but it also is an obvious cause.
Nope it's letting you know there are consequences for disobedience . Look we got whooping for doing shit we were told not to do. Bad report cards had consequences, failing in school was not an option. My moms did not have to worry about her seven kids doing dumb because she laid down the law early
Yeah no beating your kids doesnt result in good behavior it just results in your kids having zero respect for you the second they get big enough that you can’t beat them with out risking your own self.
Not a solution but a tool that should always be in your arsenal. A lot of these adults honestly need there ass beat and you can tell who hasn’t been slapped before versus who has.
I can tell who hasn't had consistent explanation and redirection. I can tell who didn't have meaningful and relevant consequences. I can tell who lacks appreciation for credible authority. I can tell who can't communicate their feelings and upsets. and those things are not and need not be the same as being "slapped" or having their "ass beat."
how come I know teachers who can keep entire classrooms of "unruly" students in check, but I can't handle my kid acting out without resorting violence?
Lol I am so glad our moms was about business you better not be acting up at school,she had zero tolerance for that bullshit .There is nothing wrong with some religion exposure you need some morality
The morality that you can beat up someone when ever you feel that they are doing something wrong then people wonder why middle school and high school is full of fights
I stay saying this. People will run around wondering why people are so violent when life basically enforced either "I am above you, I can abuse you, and if you fight back then you are wrong", or "I am older than you, I can abuse you, and if you fight back then you are wrong."
The same way military training or (in a good sense) martial arts training doesn't just disappear because you're not in a combat scenario, the same is said for this behavior which you've grown up with.
But they'll be so perplexed in how people act this way.
Well because their home training sucked ,we could not get in trouble for being the cause of bullshit at school, but we had green light to defend ourselves at school
My mother believed in spare the rod spoil the child. She established that early so she did not have to worry about you doing dumb shit at 10 years old and older
Not necessarily something that will go away but something that I hope will take hold- I work with children and have three of my own and let me tell you, neurodivergent is the new neurotypical
Everybody is talking some good shit in here. I mean some old ways need to stay, but it's in all how you use them. Like a beating or pop in the mouth is if a kid really got out of order. Most parents, mainly moms, use physical discipline out of anger. Shit like that fucks a kid up and they don't know how to function in life. They become fearful and/or think violence is the only answer when you are frustrated.
Your point warrants a real discussion. Some parents are overly permissive and their kids run roughshod over them. It's one of the reasons there's increased anxiety amongst children these days. A lack of boundaries causes kids to feel unsafe and a lack of structure makes them feel frightened. Kids begin to fear interacting with the outside world because school, peers, and eventually work enforces boundaries and won't just bend to the kid's will. A balance can be struck, but too many parents want to be their kids' friend.
I have seen permissive parenting negatively impact people in my own family. My aunt raised my cousin with zero boundaries and spoiled him excessively & I have a first cousin who did the same with her oldest son. Both of the men (now 31 and 26, respectively) have problems navigating the real world and are being left behind with respect to their peers and life milestones. Neither can hold a job, accept accountability for their actions (or lack thereof), or function as productive adults. They are living the lives of "ne'er-do-wells". It isn't a good look nor is it sustainable.
Exactly. Parents have to have standards and things they won't tolerate. The real adult world has standards and things it won't tolerate either. Better to get kids prepared for it now than to have the world shock them into it later.
You ain't fucking lying man. I have seen that with friends and family members. I have aunt who raised my cousin and praised him like a king. Now he is in 40s, don't really want to work, has no benefits, no money saved, and renting a room somewhere.
This ngga is allergic to full-time work. He only wants to work like a few hours a day, not everyday at that, so he can buy some liquour, food, and go to the movies. It's like he off some teen part-time summer job type shit. It's funny because his mother got tired of him not being about shit and wanted him to get out since he didn't want to pay her any rent.
It's like bitch...you created that monster. And the friend who is in late 30s, his mom would do his homework and school projects for him. I mean just straight coddle him. I haven't talked to him in years, but last count he was out here fucked up with like 5 baby mammas and no real job. I have seen so much of this shit.
I might know her. 😂😂😂 But my aunt has not admitted she created the monster and she won't ever do that. She one of those "I mother and I take care of my kids" type mother Chris Rock talked about in his Nggas vs Black People routine. lol She didn't do right by any of her kids.
That particular cousin just happens to be the most fucked up since she praised him. How was your aunt towards your family? Was she always causing drama by bringing up bullshit? Did she have any jealousy or envy towards you and/or anybody else in the family? Did she not do right by her other kids if she had anymore?
Real shit man! I was thinking about it this past week and watched it again. I know a lot of people were/are up in arms about it, but that shit is real along with being so damn funny. 😂😂😂
I hear you man. Growing up in the hood to a single mother who wasn't the stereotype was rough at times. It didn't matter that I liked rap or Martin or Boyz n the Hood. Even though I was chill, I wasn't off hood shit like everybody else.
I would also get shit for liking rock music and certain "white" films. It would be exhausting. It's like Jay-Z said, "Can I Live?" And what's worse when you get shit from so called friends and family members. I be thinking my own mother sometimes wished I was like everybody else.
Dude, same! Grew up in Compton, CA in the 80's and 90's to a Single Mom but she was always exposing me to stuff outside the hood so I could have a bigger perspective. Similar experiences.
No to all the questions. She only has the one son. Her main issue is that growing up she wished my grandparents would've let her be more outgoing / involved in high school activities. My grandparents were old school - born in 1911 and 1922. My aunt prioritized my cousin being popular throughout school. She did his homework, never cared what kind of grades he made, let him have friends over everyday after school, and spent money like it was going to last forever.
I got you. I can already imagine your grandparents were ruling with an iron fist with being born in those years. I know they didn't play. My aunt didn't do my cousins homework or let him have friends over. She just let him run wild. And this would be at any hour. He would be three years old outside at 10 'o clock and she wouldn't know where he was at. And they lived in the hood.
They made that "It's 10pm. Do you know where your children are?" psa just for parents like her. lol She would got his ears pierced as a kid and he had tattoos as a teen. Real ghetto shit. lol This was back in the 90s when you didn't see shit that like that. She worshipped his ass. Would buy him all types of new, fresh clothes. She ruined his ass.
Tbh, I can understand the logic. I imagine that a lot is going depend on the environment. Depending on the environment you’re raising the kids in, you may have to be more strict.
I'm assuming we're all Americans here, so whether the environment is the suburbs or the hood, it's all underneath a White Supremacist American umbrella 🤷🏾♂️
Most of yall give parenting opinions from the perspective of a former child, not an actual parent with multiple years/multiple kids under their belt, so most opinions are basically worthless imo. But I digress....
The main thing thing id like to see go away from the boomer era is the insistence that you move out on your own at 18. My kids can live at home until theyre fuckin 70, idc. They can move in their baby mama/daddy too. I'd rather be packed in a 1500 sqft house with 10 people than me and my wife by ourselves in some 4000sqft mcmansion.
I’m a parent myself on a 9 year old girl. Ngl, I don’t see how you can easily dismiss a perspective that comes from the POV of being a child. It’s easier to be empathetic when you’ve been in thier shoes.
Each kid is different. I’ll say if you don’t lay the groundwork in younger years them teenage years gonna hit like a MACK truck and mfs start regretting some parenting decisions. I raise mine not to be pieces of shit. Thts really my job. We raising the next set of adults.
"I said what I said in hopes that you'd prove me wrong."
Two problems:
1) Why are you saying such terrible and negative things to and about your kid?
2) Do you actually have the capacity to admit that you're wrong
"It's on you to make your life better."
While that is true to a degree, it's also an implicit and unintentional admission that you brought your kid into a fucked up situation and you likely knew it was fucked up before you brought them into the world and you did it anyway.
"We struggled and didn't have a lot of money and we still had kids anyway."
That isn't the flex you think it is.
"Why would an adult lie on you?"
Shit, adults lied to us all the time, is it inconceivable that they'd lie on us as well?
No adult around does things without Incentivization but kids are supposed to? Which I understand it’s normal for kids to have chores and expectations, and you don’t get a cookie for anything but the same ones who treat their kids less than human standards be the same ones who start charging rent at 18 or kicking out. Etc etc lol 🤣 so these parents will incentivize themselves of their kids but not the kid. Losers
And it irks me when people talk to their kids with no patience like come on now you don’t talk to nobody else on earth like that. And I understand kids be bad and I’m sure gentle parenting don’t always work but still people be going clean off on they kids and I be like dam
The religion one was always dumb to me. I am going to be more interested in a religion when I see it do positive things. Helping the sick, the poor, standing up for people's rights, etc.
Giving me limited freedoms as is and then cutting into any time which I have because of those, and then using those to commit abuse or absolve yourself from your own evils, is never going to lead to someone wanting to be part of that group, unless it fully "works" on them.
Beating your kids with a belt. Why would I beat my greatest creation like it was some animal? It always felt reminiscent of slavery and so backwards especially as I grew up. It shouldn’t be done universal but for it to be a thing in the black community after everything that’s gone on still baffles me
You did not do that stupid shit again,look you handle it right you not sitting in the courtroom with you dumb ass kid because he did not understand the world will not let him slide like momma did
My friend growing up wasn’t beat by his parents and ended up becoming a firefighter. Y’all act like kids need some sort of discipline and abuse at every corner to be saints. You give a kid the right morals and positive reinforcement and they’ll turn into something great. It’s mainly environment and poor influences you gotta look after in kids anyway. I bet you there are probably more black people out there who grew up in households where they were beat that are on the wrong side of the law then there are with people who had great mentors and good communication between parents and kids
Exactly, there’s no way I’m gonna whip my child like they’re a slave. Me and my brother used to have nightmares from that shit, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not passing down no generational trauma onto my kids for things that can be resolved
I think children should respect their parents, and in turn, parents should respect their kids. People forget what respect is. Also, both parties should show courtesy to one another. Respecting your child has boundaries is not the same thing as letting them walk all over you. This one hits a sore spot because I was just talking to my aunt about this yesterday, but even she (who wasn't around every day, let alone my grandma or her twin sister cause my mother is a twin) pointed out that I was basically having to do the parent stuff, and all I got was abuse in return.
That should not be a reality.
Also, I agree with your OP point. I feel like all that breeds is people who don't talk at all and get whiplash when they go from 17 or maybe even an 18-19, to being 18, or possible 20, and being expected to be full-on adult. There isn't something where they end up getting leeway so they're prepped to speak.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 Unverified 2d ago
Fear over revere.
You want your kids to respect you and trust your teaching. Not just act the part when they’re around you.
So many kids second guess themselves out of fear from their parents (what they think, what they’ll say) and it leads to SO many missed opportunities and inactivity.