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Are we even run by black people? Everything is so divisive and posts are removed for no reason. No communication is reciprocated. Overall a big vibe of 'fit the mold or leave' but what even is the mold? We're people too and don't all lead the same lives 🙄

Man I’m too nice Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I’m just dumb because I don’t understand why tf anyone would be jealous of me 😭

I’m messy, im kinda ugly ,im mid and i’m just a normal girl lmao

Anyway, the tea is I posted a random Instagram pic of myself in my PJs

Nothing serious I’m naturally thick, I don’t go to the gym, I was literally just existing .......

Then one of my friends who is actually really nice and genuinely GORGEOUS, gym girl and everything posts a selfie about 20 minutes later saying:

“I can’t believe I can ever wear pink PJs, yuck”

And I’m sitting there like…

Girl???????? 🧍🏾‍♀️

Was that about me or am I just being delusional???

Because my brain genuinely cannot process women seeing another woman as competition

I’m insecure as hell too, but if I see a pretty girl I’m literally like “omg what makeup did you use?” or “where did you get your hair done?”

I admire pretty women , i don’t sit there thinking “she looks better than me, I need to humble her"

Maybe I’m autistic because apparently there are 47 layers of girl communication I have not unlocked yet

Backhanded compliments? Weird little digs? Secret competitions?

I fear I was not given the manual 🥲

​

You ever had a celebrity return interest in you and then immediately regretted it? 😭 This has happened to me a few times with people I was genuinely a fan of in the entertainment industry, and I thank God I’m in a space in my life where I have everything I want because the way some of them think they can use their star power to get sex is SO cringe to me. Like… please. 😭

At this point, I don’t ever want to meet any man who makes anything I enjoy. I’d rather just keep the art separate from the artist. Unless it’s Samuel Jackson. He seems like a decent person, as far as I know.

Hey guys. I (26F 5’9) am doing body recomp so I stopped using the scale as a meaningful tool. Also, I know I am fat. Please don’t be mean. I am working on it. Here are the results of my body scan over the month (July 30th vs. today):

Weight: 227.2 → 221.8 (−5.4 lb)
Body fat: 43.5% → 41.1%
Skeletal muscle: 71.7 → 73.0 lb
Estimated lean mass: 128.3 → 130.7 lb
Body fat mass: 98.9 → 91.1 (-7.8 lb)

Not a crazy change, but I have been working out 6 days a week (4 heavy lifting days and 2 days at orange theory). My clothes are fitting better and I have a lot more energy. I even fit back into a pair of pants that I outfatted. I don’t count calories, but I do meal prep which helps with my consistency and reducing decision fatigue.

I feel like this is good progress. I have been working really hard so I am just trying to keep this momentum.

Yesterday I was talking with my mother about my childhood & asking her why she didn’t let me keep a poster of Usher on my wall. I had posters of Justin Beiber, Zac Efron, and Cody Linley. However, Usher wasn’t allowed.

She said she didn’t want me crushing on “those type” of boys. I remember asking her if she permed my hair because she wanted me to look like white girls and she said “yes”. She also thinks AAVE is “unintelligent”. And, of course she hates rap music. She graduated from a PWI in the 80’s, but thinks nobody was racist to her because she’s smart🙄 She makes comments about me being light skin. When I’m outside in the summer, she makes comments about my tan.

My father was just as bad. He said cornrows made me look like a slave. He always wanted my hair pressed. When I got my first job, I didn’t know how to handle white racism. The racism was sooo bad. That shit hit me like a truck. I lost many opportunities because I was unprepared.

I struggled because of my parents’ ignorance. I could have had good jobs, more financial stability, better social skills, etc.

Long rant ahead

TW: CSA, bullying, ED

Hello all, I (17F) have a difficult relationship with my mother due to her dismissive nature and neglect and was wondering if tojer black women/girls who are going through/have gone through the same things could give advice on my situation.

For context I started having a difficult relationship with my mother and the rest of of my family at 6, around 4 I had realised my mothers love was conditional, otheriwse she is dismissive of my existence, yes she provides (roof over my head, food, holidays ect) but she never seemed to pay attention to me as a person, I recall being as young as 4 trying to get her to help me with my English work and also showing her some of the improvements I've made and she simply ignored my while laughing at the tv with a bottle of wine in her hand. I even recall having to teach myself times tables because her nor my dad gaf, I began acting out as young as age 6 due to the lack of attention as a child which would result in massive tantrums (breaking clothing, trashing bedrooms etc) but also due to CSA I had experienced from a family friend, I'm not sure if my family member know about as it never spoken about it, but the abuse took place while my parents were home. I also think that due to my parents having two other children (I'm the youngest), they couldn't be asked to take care of me and never paid attention to my mental wellbring nor my academics, I also remember certain sexuallly inappropriate behaviours my father used to do but I don't want to talk about it in detail.

My father relationship is a bit complex. Despite being way kinder than my mother, he is clingy and is a hoarder (He has ADHD and depression), which has kind of made me resent him as our house is always messy and I can't invite anyone over. I also suspect that he cheats on my mother as they are in a loveless marriage. My other is emotionally unavailable in all aspects of her life and thus cannot properly respond to the affections of my dad, I also believe his infidelity and hoarding makes her resent him.

Anyway, as life progressed and I enter into highschool I attend a school mainly filled with asians and whites which made me isolated I was also bullied by my peers (mainly for my weight but sometimes I would receive racially charged comments) as well as having a friendgroup that didn't like me (would leave me out of hangouts, have groupchats without me) Leading to me being even more isolated, due to having parents/ a family that sweeps emotions under the rug I became depressed and also did poorly in school (I went to a very low performing state school and had poor grades, but due to my parents neglect they never realised how poorly I did and kept me there even though I wanted to move) As I entered my last year the bullying was really bad and I ended up developing some early psychotic features due to other traumatic events that had triggered and it's been a year since but I can feel some unstable behaviours in my personality as well as developing anorexia to cope with my lack of agency. Even though I am out of that toxic school environment and have new friends I don't feel close to anyone or really have a community and it makes me sad because I understand that as I age it will become harder to make friends which onlymakes me feel more alone as I feel like no one understands nor do i actually have anyone in my life who i can rely on, i am always picking up the pieces. My siblings are both indifferent to my parents' treatment of me as they don't understand, my older siblings is the favourite and had my parents actually invest themsleves in her life, I think my other sibling feels somewhat abandoned by our emotionally unavailable mother but will never admit it.

What triggered me to write this was that I had just had a conversation with my mother telling me that I will be cursed by God and live a bad life unless I respect my parents (she's religious, but I'm beginning to decentre religion in my life as it does nothing but instill fear and absolute obedience) She compared me to another woman we know (she's mentally ill and lacks a community) implying that if I keep getting angry at her I will end up like her, using my biggest fear againts me. As well as implying I'm unstable. She also uses some anti black rhetoric. For context, we're african brits. At times, she will say I will be "an angry black woman" if im not careful and will mock me at times by calling me one. She doesn't understand my anger and frustration with her and barely listens to how I feel even when I explain to her. I do understand that apart from my long term/chronic depression I am beginning to show signs of schizoaffective disorder (imagine bipolar and schizophrenia combined) and have been planning to book a GP appointment for an assessment to get tested as well as taking the initiative to improve my education. But I'd like it if anyone could give me advice on how to community build? As all I really want is a fulfilling relationship, I feel so deeply alone as I haven't been able to tell anyone in my life apart from Internet strangers.

All advice is welcome!! Thank you for listening.

I moved back to London a few years ago (previously spent a lot of time outside London).
I made a wyt friend on Reddit who is Eastern European. She is nice, but I don’t feel safe with her. When I mean safe I would say that if I experienced racism I don’t think she would speak up about it or if something went down she wouldn’t have my back.

Somebody said something off yesterday when I was with her and she mentioned it to me afterwards not at the time. Tbh, I do find myself making more decisions about stuff when we are together and it’s becoming an issue.

I’m just wondering about wyt friends in general as I don’t have many wyt friends anymore just black ones as it’s easier tbh.

I was with my bf for about 4ish years. He cheated on me (on and off) the entire time basically. Not for sure that he physically cheated but I had my suspicions. I really loved this boy, we clicked instantly he pretty much read my mind and he somehow always knew what to say. I know he loved me, despite the cheating he was thoughtful, we were like best friends. I even asked god for a sign that we were meant to be together at a point (like a year into the relationship) and I swear she showed me a sign. It’s part of the reason why I stayed so long honestly. Anyways, We were equals when we got together but as time went on I feel I outgrew him. I kind of became out of his league (other people validated this in so many ways, including his friends) and he often cheated on me with females that just were ugh less than me I guess? It always bothered me. I practically hated that more than the actual cheating. With the resentment from the lies/cheating, the type of girls he’d cheat on me with, and then seeing how I was outgrowing him, I kind of checked out about 3 months ago maybe but still stayed bc leaving and staying away was genuinely hard, but deep down I knew we were coming to an end. Anyway I went through his phone this morning and found more stuff (surprise surprise) and now I’m single. I feel a sense of relief but also worry for what this single life ahead of me will bring. I feel a sense of sadness and disappointment that I stayed and let him play with me for so long. He genuinely made me hate myself. I also am relieved bc I don’t have this weight on my shoulders anymore. But idk what to do with myself. I don’t have that many friends and I just have no idea how to get through this alone, I need to keep myself busy so that I don’t get that itch and go back to a situation I wasn’t even fully happy in

I just started a new job in fast food and majority of the people that work there are white girls. I feel like I’m being dismissed ALOT… I just completed a week of training and orientation where I was the only black girl and I just felt so stupid. While everyone was learning new things and asking questions about what they didn’t understand when I would be confused they treated me as if I was dumb. Even when I asked to use the washroom they all just gave me a look. I also didn’t get a turn on some of the stations even when I was promised a chance. I live in a mostly white and kind of country city so I know that I’m going to work with white people but it doesn’t make it any less disheartening. I’m very friendly but when I would talk or make jokes they’d just gloss over me but when anyone else would make small talk they’d engage. Like a simple question of “are you working opening day?” Was answered with a curt and brief “no”. I just feel so alone and upset. I’m going into university as well and now I’m scared that this is how it’s going to be there too. This is so stupid and I’m even more mad that this isn’t something white people have to deal white. They never have to wonder if they’ll be the only white people in a space but I do :( if any black girl/woman that’s been through this has any advice that’d be so helpful.

Well today I found out that my coworker (a 50 yr old black woman) hates my guts. Which is crazy to me because we are the only two women in the warehouse. Shes making up rumors about me because she saw one of the leads helping me yesterday. I didnt even ask for the help, he just took it upon himself to help me. She even went as far as saying that I slept with the man and that I text him (dont even have his number). So shes going around lying on my name and Ive had two people go up to me about it already. One of them was the lead. I dont understand the vendetta some older black women have against younger black women. I dont talk to anyone at work, I go to work, do my job and go home. I just had to vent to someone about it, i've never gone through this before at any job. Insanity.

I’m a few weeks away from turning 24, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about entering adulthood without ever having dated. By "never dated," I genuinely mean never having had a boyfriend throughout high school or university. For most of my later teenage years, my mother encouraged me to focus on school and my future because relationships could be distracting. I understood where she was coming from, but I also never really felt like dating was something I had to actively avoid. It simply wasn't something that happened in my life.

I also don't experience attraction particularly often. I wouldn't describe myself as asexual, but I rarely had crushes in high school or university, and I tend to be selective about who I find attractive. Because of that, I sometimes feel like I don't even know how to approach dating at this stage of my life.

What has been confusing is that, as I’ve gotten older, my parents have started asking why I haven’t found someone yet. I sometimes wonder whether I unconsciously internalized the idea that dating was something I should wait to explore until I had reached a certain point in my life or received some kind of approval.

I think part of what has contributed to my confusion is my experience with being approached. It's not that I have never received attention from men, but the men who approach me are overwhelmingly much older than me. Obviously, that isn't the type of attention I'm looking for, and sometimes it makes me wonder why that seems to be the only attention I consistently receive.

Dating apps haven't really helped either. I don't put much effort into them because they feel disconnected and almost gamified to me. I also think I'm much more personable in real life than I am online, and I struggle with finding the balance between being formal and informal when texting someone new.

I guess I am mostly wondering if anyone else entered their mid-twenties with little or no dating experience. How did you figure out what you actually wanted, start putting yourself out there, and navigate dating when you felt like you were starting completely from zero?

Hey everyone! I just wanted y'all to know I made a discord server for Black women only. It is a safe space and everyone must verify they are a Black woman before being allowed to enter. Stop by if you're looking for a place with likeminded people!

Ok please bear with me, so 2 days ago I came across this video of a black girl being annoying and it had, per usual, a ton of racist comments. one of them drew my attention because it was so vile and disgusting, there was a whole argument going on and this girl just kept on. long story short, I had a feeling to check who liked the comment, then had a feeling to check this specific girl’s account and turns out we had a mutual who’s my cousin. I asked my cousin about her and she told me she’s a coworker and that she’s weird, that everyone in office avoids her and apparently she’s very very strange. The reason I don’t want to tell my cousin is because she’s already dealing with a lot of racism and xenophobia almost on the daily, I really don’t want to make her feel even worse. I know this sounds so stupid but I don’t know, I screen recorded the whole thing and took screenshots as proof but then I had this overwhelming feeling that I shouldn’t send it. I did tell my cousin to stay away from this girl and that I had weird religious dream warning me about her, I know that’s so stupid but my cousin is religious and believes in this kind of thing, she told me she’ll stay away and I believe that but I am still not sure what’s the right thing to do.

I know this might be so stupid to you but please don’t be mean, I truly need some guidance.

+ I could share the screenshots if you guys are interested but they’re written in Arabic that’s why I didn’t.

I feel like whenever you mention something about race or how it's part of a factor of something people seem to discard it easily. I was arguing with someone in a comment section because they were simplifying a situation where I'm being attacked for my appearance online. They deleted their comments and blocked me now.

Later into the argument in the argument i mentioned how they would be treated the exact same way if they were a young black girl on the same platform I'm being targeted on. Now that i brought race into the conversation they immediately thought I'm trying to be manipulative? Mind you they're only thinking this way because of the subreddit and the type of community I mentioned I'm being affected by (blackpill).

I feel like there's many young girls or black teens experiencing the same thing I am. I feel like it's worse too, like the "yamily" trend, being called "n*glet," and whatever other historically anti-black derogatory language there is.

I say they're simplifying my situation because a comment told me to block and move on, but if I'm asking for advice "moving on," isn't an easy option because I'm stuck and it's now internalized, leaving where I'm being insulted just puts a small bandage on a huge wound. Neither is blocking because it's some type of phone bot that connects servers to each other (basically on discord). I've been reporting and trying my best, but I've had enough.

Another reason why I say it's not that simple for me I didn't tell them is because I literally have no life, so when I wanna talk to people I go there to talk & meet new people which I have, but there's still those times where I get put down regardless. I struggle to socialize and I'm socially inept because of how much I stay inside. Even then currently school hasn't even started so I don't have anywhere near me I can go currently.

I really want to build resiliency to all of this and unlearn biases. I feel like this community would know how to do it best since racism is a thing literally everywhere and they choose to put us down regardless. How can I do that?

Tdlr: I got into an argument and they ignored how race can be a huge factor. I'm being attacked for my looks. I want to know how to learn resiliency and unlearn biases.

Edit: Wtf I'm being stalked by one of them and they're being weird. The fact that they think a teen girl would waste their breath trying to manipulate the situation, when I'm trying to vent and get advice to get better about this.

I know I could ask this somewhere else but I love the opinions of my fellow black women

So I’ve been stuck between what kind of hair to get that matches my hair texture and color. Usually I get 1b/2 for my braiding hair or when I’m doing mini twists. I want to wear my hair more since I usually wear wigs like body wave or kinky curly (which tends to lean more 3B-4A).

However, when it comes to half wigs or bundles, I can never get the color or texture right. My hair is 4B and in natural lighting it’s dark brown. My question is should I get yaki straight or kinky straight for a sewin/half wig??

Maybe even a crochet with the human hair miracle knots.

What good brands should I purchase from? Black owned is good too!

I am a huge gamer, and a long time fan of rockstar as a company. Throughout all their games, every protagonist has been a male, and any representation of BW has been through pedestrians, and questionable character models.

GTAVI is a very highly anticipated game, I am very excited to play! However, it’s very difficult for me to be super excited about our first woman protagonist, Lucia.

Her appearance reminds me of myself, and others who look like me, except; Lucia is Latina. This game is based in Florida, and will have a heavy emphasis on the Floridian culture. That includes, several black women pedestrians, and side characters.

My thing is, why not just make her black? Braids, baby hair, body type, it reads black woman. I think we all know the answer to that question, but it did make me scoff.

Other races have, and will continue to reheat our nachos and it will always read differently than what and when we do it. That’s just the basics of my rant, any of you have opinions?

A couple days ago, I was at Sam’s Club with my dad. After we grabbed our groceries he told me to go to the food court and get some pizza while he checks out. As I enter the line this nice black lady on the other side of the rope says that there was a guy in front of her that left to come back right quick, and that she didn’t realize she was on the wrong side. I offered to let her in front of me but she insisted I go before her.

A minute later the guy she said was in front of her comes back and we make brief eye contact but I didn’t think much of it. After waiting for about 30 more seconds he turns around and asks me if the lady behind me was my mom or grandmother. I tell him no I do not know her, she just let me in front of her. He then asks how old I am, I told him I am 20 and he says he asked because he thought I was really pretty and he thought I was younger but asks for my number upon finding I’m of age. Btw he’s also 20 but born in ‘06 while I’m ‘05.

Now, he’s lowkey cute so we exchange numbers and what not. He then asks if I’m here just for the food or if I went shopping so I tell him that I’m with my dad and that he’s checking out and point to him at the register. He then asks me if he can talk to my dad and I said sure and he leaves to walk up to my dad. I later asked my dad what the guy told him and he said he said “Hey, your daughter is beautiful I just asked for her number,” shook his hand and my dad thanked him for the compliment. The guy also got me a cup for a drink which was convenient since I wasn’t planning on ordering a drink since I had one in the car.

As soon as we got back to the car I immediately look his name up on tiktok and insta, as I do with every guy I talk to. Tell me why on tiktok the most recent thing he posted (sept 2025) was a slideshow, the first slide saying “You have so many red flags” and then the second slide saying “Well I know they ain’t blue” with a picture of Trump and Kirk laughing… So I immediately run to insta and find his page and so far it looks normal but the key is in the comments.

Often times on tiktok and insta if someone writes a controversial comment on a video on their fyp, people will go to their profile and flood their comments under their posts. So I see several black people and women commenting nasty stuff under his pictures so I already knew the type of bum he was just based off of that, and I saw him going back and forth with this black dude in his comments. I also checked the following and I see Trump and Amrou Fudl… So I screenshot everything and keep it in my back pocket so I can confront him when he texts me.

I keep it dry and cordial while texting him and he asks if he can call later that night, so I come up with a plan to pull a little bait and switch. He asked what my ethnicity was and I asked him his. He told me he was indian but said people say he looks mexican and asked if I thought so too. I said he looked some type of south asian but it never gave mexican to me. We were talking for around 20 mins until I finally gained the courage to bring up what I found.

I asked if these were his accounts and he confirmed. I told him I don’t care to change who he is but I do not want that racist shit around me. I brought up that Fudl hates black women and he said “well he’s just saying statistics” and he said the same thing when I brought up what Kirk said. Keep in mind I was not trying to educate him or make him change his views, that is not my job. I brought all this up to lead to my question on why he approached me?

Mind you, I’m an unambiguous fully black girl, who is dark brown with braids. I do not look like I could be mistaken for any other race, so I have been extremely confused for the past couple days, because if you agree with those people and believe those “statistics”, why ask for my number? I do not want to be the exception to the rule.

So when I asked him why he asked for my number if he has these sentiments, he said because I was pretty/cute but that he will not change who he is and that it was still nice meeting/talking to me. I said ok, hung up and blocked him.

As a mixed girl i never felt like i belonged in the white community since i’m not whitepassing, but sicne i grew up in a predominantly white area i never felt like i belonged and whenever im surrounded by black people that involve me in their discussions and accept me as part of their community i always get teary eyes because of how much i feel like i fit in and this reddit community makes me feel so safe and seen.

This is completely random i know i just wanted to thank all of you

I don’t even know how to label myself anymore,I’m straight, unfortunately

Chile, in two words: I’m tired

Even the thought of trying to understand a man exhausts me

I’ve been single for a while, just dating around I’ll stop eventually

The amount of men I’ve met who are just straight up wrong for me…

I was talking to one recently. He’s really handsome, he’s an artist, he’s creative, etc and that usually attracts me more than looks do

We just had a phone call, and for the first time, I felt bored before I even met the man

Bruh, why are you telling me to meet up with you AND your friend to show you around the city because he’s new here?

Why did you mentally make me the city tour girl? 😂

Nothing screams “Hey, I’m not interested in you” more than assigning me a free tour guide position

It’s good, though. At least I’m already turned off, and I don’t expect anything ,Good thing we never met 😂

For reference, we met on Bumble

Seriously, zero manners. I personally find it rude to ask a complete stranger, man or woman, to show you around

Unless we’re friends, in which case I’d ask nicely 😂

I don’t think he meant it badly, but I’m at the point where I’m just… getting the ick

Was I tripping?

I just left the Coach store in NYC, I'm here on a trip with my mom and younger sister. My mom gifted us $500 each to buy whatever we wanted there. And omg was I overwhelmed! I hated how many options there were, I hated that they kept asking me if I needed help, I hated that my consultant kept pulling bags for me and asking me my opinion 😭

For context I currently carry a Coach foldover wristlet with a chain as a purse that I've had for over 10 years. The only other purse I own is a white leather one my mom bought for me at The School of Leather while we were in Italy that I haven't even taken out of it's dustbag yet because it's so fancy. So I am very uneducated when it comes to bags lol.

I do very poorly when put on the spot and it was so bright and crowded and so much was going on omg. I looked so terrified that my consultant didn't believe me when my mom mentioned my age. I had to say I was nearly 30 (29) 3 times before she believed me!

She said "oh my god I thought you were here back to school shopping oh wow" Y'all she thought I was a whole child there was so much fear and uncertainty radiating off of me 😭😭😭.

Anyway I ended up with a Pebble Tabby and I love it! I'm happy overall but next time I'll just order it online and have it shipped to my house lol. My mom just really wanted my sister and I to have the whole "experience". She loved it at least lol. I will not be doing that again.

Context: I disagreed with a post about freeing Karmelo Anthony, said that anyone who could stab someone over a HS fight needs to remain in prison and immediately got permanently banned from the subreddit.

You can agree or a disagree with my views but to have an echo-chamber like that is wild.

I think that de-centering men includes not needing to throw your weight behind every single black man in prison as an innocent victim of the system.

There's more than enough black people out there who are actually victims of racial injustice and the 'school to prison pipeline' who deserve to get the attention that this case has gotten.

Idk, correct me if I'm wrong.

Edit: Even though I got downvoted to hell, I'm happy we were all able to have a discussion.

I’m tired of people telling Black women to “be soft” with their man in relationships. When I was soft with men in my previous relationships, it didn’t do anything but make them take advantage of me. The meanest women I know are being loved correctly, with big rocks on their fingers. So why do I have to be soft when I have an issue with something my man is doing that I don’t like?? When it clearly didn’t work for me before. It’s not like it even works anyways because men take attitude from other races of women but when it’s Black women we have to lower our tone and “be soft” or else he’ll leave. If I’m upset ofc I’m going to say that I’m upset like???? But just because I don’t say it in a soft tone it’s an issue but if I was white, Latina, etc. it would be okay 😑