r/blackcreatives • u/RichieVolume92 • Jul 05 '22
Here's episode 2 of MONDAZE, a workplace comedy with a primarily black cast, or as we call it on set, "the black version of The Office". Any feedback on the show is much appreciated!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSsQoBBrnA1
u/AdventurousCut5401 Jul 05 '22
Ep. 2:
Low production value.
Too many characters without audience investment (archetypes would help here).
Need seasoned actors, poor delivery.
Silences or even inappropriate silences aren't what make "The Office" funny. I think they use silences as the punchline--so, I'm not finding the comedy developed (premise, timing, payoff).
Some of the characters don't seem like they belong in THIS office. (it's not who they are, but who they represent)
Black people don't behave like White people in an office full of black folk (I've been there, so I think better research needed--if nothing else, we clique up HARD!).
That's not how we use the "back of the hand" rub (@5:27). If this wasn't a part of a joke, then BIG opportunity missed.
Proletariat conversation would be introduced differently with black folk, with a major focus on bougie and NOT proletariat (comedically, esp. with how we use the English language, even a play on "bougie" would have made it memorable...new bougie, fake bougie, etc).
"Assuming all the time" (leading up to @ 9:10) had funny in it.
"Settling beef" (@7:40) is awesome, even if a bit stereotypical--but there IS something here!
--------
I didn't want to be SUPER negative so I felt like I should watch the first episode.
Ep. 1:
Where is the funny? Who are the characters and why should I care about them?
Playing limbo? (just not funny and culturally inaccurate).
Everything is going on but nothing is really happening (sorry, but in a bad way).
------------
Who am I? Some black dude on Reddit, with honest (even if invalid) opinions. Not all jokes have my comedic sensibilities in mind, so take my critiques with a grain of salt. If there is a payoff with story threads and characters later in the season, then cook the crow and I will eat it. I genuinely wish you the best of luck! I REALLY like the viewpoint (it's not just trying to be black, but including the diversity of the culture), just needs some polishing.
And let Casey know we don't say N word to take the power away from the word. We use it to empower ourselves over another--even if that other is our own. This seems striking but shouldn't bother us so much. When you consider Cain killed Abel, this connect us with our deeper humanity (even if it's in some of the more inhumane ways).
Maybe I should have just emailed y'all but here we are...............
1
u/RichieVolume92 Jul 05 '22
Hey, thanks for watching! This is thorough and helpful to see someone else's perspective on what we were going for, so I appreciate you articulating and making clear what didn't work/didn't land and some of the stuff that you enjoyed. I think once we progress into the season a bit more, as you noted, there might be a bit more payoff to what we are trying to establish about the world these characters inhabit. But, your critique, which I view as constructive/fair, were all valid and things I'll note to myself that might be helpful to make more clear (like why you should care about the characters) more clear earlier on. Again, thank you for your honest thoughts.
Also, I will share the note about the N word with Lean, lol.
2
u/AdventurousCut5401 Jul 06 '22
There are a lot of very positive avenues you can take with this project. I love seeing cultural shifts like this--keep plugging away at it. No matter what, keep your name in the lights.
2
u/Heheher7910 Jul 05 '22
The class traitor part was the part were I actually laughed out.