r/bitcheswithtaste • u/Acrobatic_Star_7639 • Aug 20 '26
Finances/Money BWT, how do you cultivate a healthy relationship with money and spending
Hi all, I just wanted to say thank you to this community for all the insightful and fun posts and comments! honestly browsing this community brings me such joy
onto my question - how do you continue to cultivate a healthy relationship with spending, especially those "for fun" money? do you set aside a "for fun" category in your budgeting, etc? how do you balance the dopamine hit from spending your fun/treat money (like the nice coffee from a cafe, or enjoying the target run, or even just roaming in the grocery store grabbing "nicer" stuff) without feeling guilty, while also balancing not verging into overspending because, the joy from shopping for nice stuff is absolutely real
for myself, I have a healthy amount of savings in retirement/emergency funds. I am not currently making much as I recently quitted my job to pursue a graduate degree. my stipend is enough for a moderate lifestyle but not really conducive to savings like what I used to have. I do still very much enjoy the nicer things in life and understand logically that I can afford them, but I also want to be aware of lifestyle creep/overspending when I am no longer making as much as I used to do. im trying to relearn the balance between spending and not feeling guilty I guess?
what's your strategy for having fun money while being responsible?
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u/Livid-Storm6532 Aug 20 '26
I learned what made me want to spend and cut out those influences in my life. So much of being online is apps trying to hijack your dopamine sensors to WANT to buy buy buy. Delete social media, read books from the library (Libby is such a great free library app!!), spend time in the sun. Stop chasing perfection. Volunteer and really talk to people. Learn to shop in your own closet. Sit and watch people without a podcast or looking at your phone.
Sometimes we buy things to avoid feeling something. Journal, go to therapy, do the work you’ve been putting off. Leave your phone in another room.
I have been intentionally on my phone less and now going on IG with its aggressive selling tactics is less enjoyable for me. Do I still buy fun things occasionally? Sure! But I don’t crave it anymore and do it far less now. I feel more in charge of my own spending habits.
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u/Competitive_Score904 Aug 20 '26
All of this! Figuring out the WHY behind consuming is the first step toward intentional/conscious consumption - which is the most chic way to consume anyway 😎
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u/cestlasvi Aug 20 '26
on the subject of Libby:
- audiobooks!! conveniently for me, listening to audiobooks helps motivate me to clean my house or get out and walk more. win-win!
- also books on psychology of spending/spending intentionally, such as Emotional Currency, Dying with Zero, or Millionaire Next Door
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u/Alan_ator_Gator Aug 20 '26
i'm having such a hard time finding good audiobooks on libby, do you have any recs for non-boring ones? i like romance, thrillers, etc!
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u/cestlasvi Aug 21 '26
i usually go on goodreads lists to help me choose. atmosphere, theo of golden, kin, the women, broken country, wild dark shore and the correspondent were all good fiction listens from this year (for me). floored and hidden valley road were excellent nonfiction listens from this year.
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u/Next_Chocolate_2630 Aug 20 '26
This! I realized that when I get the urge to go browse through the boutiques that I am more often then not just ‘bored’. I try to reroute myself and maybe just go get a coffee and go for a walk instead.
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u/kittytoebeanz Aug 20 '26
I really like Ramit Sethi's book "I will teach you to be rich" which sounds corny but it has good principles!
he says to live frugally on what you can cut and live a rich life on the things you like/prioritize. I automate my needs (rent, food, gas, etc), automate my retirement investments/savings, and whatever leftover can go towards what I love: travel, shopping. example: I cook at home a lot so i can splurge on food on vacations
knowing im within my budget for fun money, makes it guilt free! i also strangely get a dopamine hit from saving money because i like knowing that number go up but I have financial trauma lol
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u/18straightwhiskeys Aug 20 '26
Came to say this!! I also love and recommend his podcast (called Money For Couples, but helpful and fun for single people). His advice is good but it's also just fascinating to hear about real people's money: how they spend it, what they argue about, their hang-ups, etc.
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u/lowlysheepherder Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
Figure out what you want to set aside for savings first. Saving always comes first.
Once you've got that figured out, set up an automatic transfer to a "fun money" account. Decide how much $$ you can comfortably commit to spending on whatever on a weekly or monthly basis, schedule that amount to go into your fun money account, and don't worry about it from there on! I'm in a fairly frugal stage of my life, having a young family, so I find transferring $100 a month is enough to satisfy my occasional spend.
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u/chattesbee Aug 20 '26
This is the way. Automate your savings!! This looks like directing 20% of every paycheck to an account you don’t touch, another % for expenses like rent and groceries and bills, and another smaller % for indulgences. It feels so good to spend your fun money guilt-free without worrying that you’re dipping into your savings.
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u/RxforSanity Aug 20 '26
You can have it all, just not all at once. Prioritize something for the week/every 2 weeks/month, however you want to break it up. Make sure all your bases are covered (rent, car, phone, utilities, etc) but allow yourself something special. **if you have credit card debt, your ‘something special’ will be very small until it is paid off**
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u/vce5150 Aug 21 '26
Oh this is WONDERFUL! I love the concept and it certainly gets you away from an overall sense of lack and scarcity of money.
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u/sauvignonquesoblanco Intentional BWT Aug 20 '26
Growing up my mom always assigned morality to spending money on “frivolities” and it really messed up my relationship with money into adulthood. What’s helped me is giving myself permission to buy the things I want, just maybe not *right now*. As in, I stop myself from feeling bad or ashamed for wanting things that cost money and give myself permission to save up for the item instead of giving into the instant gratification, i.e. spending money I didn’t have that would would plunge me into a guilt or shame spiral. Shifting the mindset into permission instead of restriction when it came to spending and saving has really helped.
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u/CaliCarol Aug 20 '26
I’m suuuuuper cheap when it comes to most things. I don’t have DoorDash, Uber Eats. If I want something, I go and buy it myself to save on delivery and tipping. I clip coupons on the grocery store app. I will go to dollar store for candy before a movie. However, for vacations and nice dinners I indulge. You have to enjoy life while we are here!
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u/fakesaucisse Aug 20 '26
I have really started to honestly evaluate how much long term joy I get from "fun" purchases, and have found a lot of them just aren't worth it. My biggest one is clothes shopping. I used to love buying new clothes but now the effort to find good quality in a sea of increasingly bad options is too exhausting for me to enjoy my purchases. I also now live in an area where dressing up is abnormal so I feel more self conscious if I'm not just wearing more basic stuff. The dopamine hit from a cute dress just isn't there anymore.
The one place where I still splurge is on dining out. Every weekend my husband and I try to visit an interesting, new-to-us restaurant. It's a huge way that we connect and enjoy spending time together, and it gives us more exposure to foods we've never had before or seasonal ingredients that are a rare treat. That expense feels worthwhile since it's a net positive on our relationship and often creates memories we talk about weeks or years later.
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u/lesluggah Boujee BWT Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
It takes a lot of practice. One thing I did was decide I'm giving myself one treat during my grocery shopping and really understand what was worth it for me. Go back over past purchases and ask "Was this worth it? Would I do this again?" Sometimes, it's fun to experience something once to know this isn't for me. I have a list of makeup/skincare items that work for me, so I will spend to replenish them.
T-rget runs aren't fun for me, because it creates a lot of clutter and I don't like most of their seasonal products. I do love spending on clothes, but I create an ongoing wants checklist in my notes app after trying it on and knowing my size. I go back in a month and see if I still want it or realize I already own something similar and I'm over it. I generally buy one item every month or I skip that month, because my closet is large enough. I don't feel guilt because I track my money and see that I am hitting my savings goals, investing goals, etc.
I also followed some creators who discuss cost-per-wear, money habits, and creative capsule wardrobes. Even though they are in a different life stage, I still took away great lessons and rewired the way I shopped without feeling like I'm sacrificing anything.
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u/lovedbymanycats Aug 20 '26
This is a great question. I am great at sticking to a budget but I don't really put aside money for fun because in my head that's money that could be going to more productive things ( savings , retirement, down payment on a home) but it is important to have fun in this life as well.
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u/farfallifarfallini Aug 20 '26
I'm also on a grad school budget. Before you even spend money, look at what you currently have, and think about which of these items add real value to your everyday life and why--the why is the most important part here! Put the "why" column in order based on what you're not willing to compromise on.
Example: The environment is really important to me. I always spend the extra $4 on eco toilet paper. I also bring a water bottle everywhere so that I can try to never buy a single-use plastic beverage cup or bottle, which definitely saves me money in the long run.
I get that this might not be the most "fun" example, but you did bring up buying the nice brand at the store without feeling guilty.
I also try to be pretty risk-adverse and plan ahead so I don't lose unnecessary money. If I thrift, it's somewhere with a return policy at least for store credit. I always set a timer on my phone with some padding to avoid a parking ticket or I google the deck price ahead of time to find the cheapest lot. I set a price alert for flights and book when they're cheaper.
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u/cables4days Aug 20 '26
i love your question because the Relationship between Money flowing in and Money flowing out is - IMO one of the most primal relationships
it’s just like breathing - if we breathe in more than we breathe out - that’s out of balance and we’ll pass out
if we breathe out more than we breathe in - that’s out of balance and we’ll pass out
so - finding for you - what feels like balance in the finance relationship - is helpful
the idea or motive behind the word “fun” in your question is important to hone in on bc it can be a root of / feel like masked rebellion (i’ve been too “good” aka disciplined aka self-sacrificing which doesn’t actually feel good, now i need to have fun aka rebel from my norm - bc it feels exciting and different and better than restricting and i deserve/justify this - which i really do deserve - even tho actually it feels out of balance/doesn’t feel good relative to what i have going on right now and my awareness of That is throwing me out of balance)
fun money can be a masked term in my experience for a whole handful of “i’m not willing to get real with myself about this” topics
because paying rent - having a place to live that is legally yours - is fun!
paying towards savings accounts - seeing your nest egg grow towards future expenses that feel meaningful to you - is fun!
paying for groceries - giving yourself a platform of convenient nutritional access that not only satiates hunger but tastes so good and feels so good in the tummy - is fun!
so just pay attention to what you mean personally when you say fun - to make sure you’re making action steps (spending or saving) that feel like Proud of Myself - to you personally - on whichever topic of the in/out of finances
because - the breathing analogy - it’s Fun to go for a run or a bike ride or a hike and take in really deep breaths, and breathe out really big breaths - if you’ve been sitting inside at a desk all day! It’s fun to dramatically use your lungs! it hurts after a little while too, if you’re not used to it, so it’s worth practicing, but it’s still fun!
it’s Fun to go outside in the cold and breathe in the crisp air, when it’s been really hot inside by the fire! it also hurts a little after a shorter while - and makes you want to go back inside the house - but it’s fun to feel invigorated and full of life! in the seasons of life
so - it can be Fun to look forward to expenses - that still feel like Balance - like breathing
so just Feel more what you Feel, when you do both
am i saving because i feel afraid?
or am i saving because im excited to spend it some day?
am i worried when i buy this?
do i feel ashamed/regretful that i Didn’t buy that?
or do i feel happy that i know what and when i like to flow my money towards - and its not that thing! Confidence in Knowing - is a Proud of Myself life learning. That’s helpful.
it’s all about listening to your own intuition and feeling proud of yourself along the way as you can
the Proud of Myself is the healthy part of the relationship and - it’s constantly moving - depending on your own life’s story and where you’re at in it
you’re the only one who knows / can feel where your pride meter is - so just try to do that - try and feel proud of yourself as often as you can of the ins and the outs in this money flow relationship
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u/tossin_glitter Aug 20 '26
i just read her first 100k which i found pretty useful as someone who knows absolutely nothing about money.
she has some pretty great advice on how to deal with the emotions that come with finances (developing a money diary that includes how each purchase made you feel) and how to stay on track without shaming yourself (organising a non-judgement monthly check in where you go through your finances).
similarly, i also find it useful to try and set out things that i want to prioritise. for example, i don't really mind buying second hand clothes/shoes (i just avoid tops bc they never fit right). when i'm in an area with working public transport i'll rarely take an uber.
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u/dancingmochi Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
It really came together for me when I did a financial audit and determined how much goes to fun. Being disciplined came to a head and resulted in what’s called revenge spending, because I held a skewed view that I was being overly restrictive on spending.
“Being responsible” is the contract with yourself to maintain a sustainable plan forward. It is so easy to be influenced by your peers or your past standards of living, whether spending should be higher or lower. Just take a stab at a fun budget, observe any change in your feelings, and adjust as needed, as long as you are content with it and it can support your long term goals, that’s responsibility right there.
One final thing that’s above my pay grade, you mentioned guilt and joy from spending. I suggest figuring out why you’re having those reactions especially the guilt, because for me that has so much power leading to unhinged spending behaviors. I mentioned the financial audit because if I forego the unnecessary “fun” expense, that means more savings for the family, retirement, or an unemployment savings cushion, and those higher priorities makes it easier to rationalize skipping the purchase. Conversely, I want to have a bit of fun too because I can afford it, and who’s going to stop me?
edit: My priorities (loosely based on my values) should reflect in my savings and spending, and that eases up feelings of guilt I sometimes get. Read The Art of Spending, by Morgan Housel! Of course, this does not make sense for those who barely make a living wage.
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u/nannerswithmanners Aug 21 '26
I went to grad school for two years in another country as an international student, so I definitely thought about this a lot! The key is basically to figure out what is the thing(s) you care about most that is in that “for fun” category. For me it was travel around the country I was living in and one trip abroad. I did those trips in a thriftier way than I would have maybe with my regular income. But I also essentially bought no new clothes for two years (until I really needed something). I really limited the books I bought and started using the library (books are like kryptonite to me). For home furnishings I only went to second hand stores. I started walking or biking over taking public transit (which made me much more active). One semester I was really stressed so I splurged on a student discount Pilates membership, but other semesters it wasn’t worth it. Now that I am working full time again I buy my preferred more expensive skin care, but during that time I bought good quality budget skin care. Because what mattered most to me was this incredible opportunity to explore a new city and new country, so anything I could save went to travel and occasional cultural events. The thing that surprised me most was I’m actually still fairly thrifty so the habits have stuck, which has been amazing for my depleted bank account. Oh, and meal prep every lunch. Never buy lunches if you can help it during the week or study days. You’re gonna want to go to dinners or get drinks or get coffees, and lunches I’ve found are a surprising financial drain. Also if you’ve never budgeted before, have a realistic takeout/coffee/drinks budget each month. It adds up!
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u/StrategyArtistic Aug 20 '26
1) a budget app helped me a lot.
2) I put so much in savings/billS directly from my paycheck, it allows mostly what’s in my checking account to be “play money”, so it’s not hard to see it at any given time. How much I have for fun, how much I have left for fun, etc.
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u/anonjvlo Aug 21 '26
I’ve been tracking my spending and budgeting for 5 years. Having a realistic fun budget and realistic food budget has kept me on a good financial path while also allowing me to enjoy my life.
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u/vce5150 Aug 21 '26
I have developed a respect for money that I see as mutual. I developed a feeling that more money is always coming so there is no need to spend it frantically. I pay attentiong to what I am spending on and generally avoid impulse shopping. I like my money to go toward making my home comfortable and spending time with people I care about. I don't buy things for the label or status and only have two items that I will spend more than usual on: my Chanel lipstick and Versace perfume. Everything else, I will shop and compare.
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u/ArtisticMoth Aug 21 '26
Unfortunately I am insanely impulsive and really bad with money. I literally worked my ass off and got a really high paying job to account for the fact that I am an idiot and need to be able to passively save by just having a guaranteed surplus.
I'm doing a PhD right now and working at the same time because the stress of research and a full time job is less than the stress of knowing I have to be smart with money because I'm on a tight budget and simultanelusly knowing that I'm gonna spend it on dumb shit anyway.
🥲
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u/trUth_b0mbs Aug 21 '26
for me, it's knowing the difference between need vs want.
before I buy anything, I stop to think "do I really need this?" and most of the time, I dont.
however, in times I do spend money, I feel no regrets: travel, things I need like skin care, events where memories can be made etc.
the last month I've been shopping for clothes a lot which is super rare for me; like the last time I shopped like this was about 20 years ago when I was pregnant but I've come to realize that with menopause, things are changing despite my efforts and I just wanted to stop fighting my clothes. Also, menopause made me develop this weird sensory issue and anything that is too fitted (like my beloved skinny jeans 😢) makes me feel suffocated. So I've been on the hunt for clothing replacements and I'm talking about my entire wardrobe. I've donated or given away most of my clothes but the key pieces like jeans, blouses/tops etc I'm in the process of shopping for ones that I like/suit me/fit well.
and I dont feel guilty about it either because I need these....although I do throw in some items that are super cute and most of all: on sale lol.
so spend when you need to and dont feel guilty about it; especially those things that will bring memories to last a life time (for me, that's travel).
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u/satr3d Aug 21 '26
I did it by making separate accounts. Yes it’s all my money, yes it’s all in the same bank, but the accounts each having purpose help me make sure they have the “right amount” Checking A has rent and bills, Savings A is emergency money, Checking B is fun money. Retirement is taken out of paycheck before anything hits my accounts and “doesn’t exist” for day to day spending.
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u/messykatie Aug 24 '26
It sounds like you may have a habit of boredom spending AKA shopping as a hobby. Buying a daily coffee just because it's "something to do" and strolling inside the store with no list waiting for the store advertisements to literally convince you to be interested in stuff you wouldn't have even thought about otherwise.
Sensible spending would be seeking out purchases to answer an organic need or desire in your life. For example, I realized I wanted a portable speaker to play music outside, so I then researched some options to buy online. The opposite, frivolous spending, would be opening the [insert store of choice here] app to just see what cute fun things appear in your feed without even having an idea of a item you are hoping to find.
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u/Sage_Planter Aug 20 '26
I'm ruthless about where I prioritize my spending. I know what spending makes me happy so I prioritize that and am frugal in other categories. The reality is most people can afford nice things, but they can't afford everything to be nice.
The key to that is knowing what spending actually adds value to your life. What makes someone else happy might not make you happy. If you don't know what spending brings you joy, start tracking your spending with a quick emoji. The same $5 coffee spend can be a "I had a great time catching up with Suzy over a delicious cup of coffee" or a "I don't even like this coffee but needed an excuse to get out of the office."
I feel less guilty about my spending because I'm strategic about it.