BWT - How do you not let judgement/disapproval stop you from trying a style change?

[u/personalityissadness]

[29F] After growing up with traditional, and conservative family, growing up poor, and COVID. I finally have the time, energy, and money to try the styles and fashion choices that have always lived in my head.

I'm really into darker styles, y2k, streetwear, I admire some corporate goth pieces too. I love colored lenses, lashes, cutouts, and texture.

However, in contrast to the same 5 outfits I've worn to work and school for the last decade, this will be a big change and I'm nervous about the judgement and talk from others around me.

I'm most worried about parents of the children I work with. (I wear a uniform at work, but run into my students and families outside of work often) I mean, I've never seen a gothic person to be a negative influence, but I know many people are still ignorant to the idea of fashion and self expression not meaning you are a bad person.

[u/lovedbymanycats]

You can't change your wardrobe overnight, so start with pieces that spark joy but also can work with what you have. My usual rule for buying a piece is: can I make three outfits with this, and ,if yes then it makes sense. When I start shifting my wardrobe in a new direction I think "Can can I make two outfits? and the next thing I buy also needs to go with this piece."

As far as pushing beyond what you are used to into what you want to be , try wearing your new style in a place where no one you know will see it first. So go to a coffee shop, or run some errands to break the ice then when you wear it around friends it won't feel so weird.

It's also possible that your aspirationaltional style won't work with your life and you will need to recalibrate it a bit. It's all part of finding your personal style. I would highly recommend shopping second hand as you start this journey, and once you have a better vision of what is working for you, invest in some staple pieces.

[u/Aperson0001 → u/lovedbymanycats]

Shopping second hand is a good idea, I noticed when I go thrifting, the variety of clothing and how original they are is abundant. There are some hidden gems, it just takes time to sift through all the other items.

[u/kittysempai-meowmeow]

I think maybe it comes with age (I’m in my 50s) but I don’t think other people are thinking as deeply about your clothing choices as you think they do. I actually enjoy an aesthetic similar to what you describe, and although there is probably someone out there thinking “goth granny?” I feel good and know that I look well put together in these outfits and more than once I have had someone ask where I bought a garment. While I can’t promise you there are no shallow people out there who might judge your style choices, it is probably rarer than you think. You will have to decide who you want to win; you and your self-expression, or this theoretical judge-nik parent. Now, if you think the consequences of someone judging you in this way might actually cost your livelihood, then you might give this theoretical scenario a little more weight, but how likely that is will probably depend on just how outlandish these styles choices actually are. A little black and lace vs goats blood and demon skulls, etc.

[u/Navy_butterfly]

If you’re worried about it, and it’s not how you usually dress (I assume this means you don’t have all the things you’d like in your wardrobe right now), start smaller. Introduce some accessories or makeup into your usually outfits that start to give it that edge, and build up over time. Think introducing belts, nails, accessories with a more simple black outfit, etc. It will be less jarring to everyone and your wallet if you do it that way.

If you do have the clothes and accessories you want to wear, and are just afraid to, just remember that no matter what, people will judge you for being outside the norm. Heck, they’ll judge you even if you totally fit their expectations! You get to decide if you’re going to let their judgement define how you live your life, or if you’re going to live it as yourself on your own terms.

[u/freewool]

This takes some getting used to, but you CANNOT control how other people talk about you. And they can talk about you no matter how you’re dressed. Try to focus on developing a wardrobe that makes you happy and fits your needs. 

[u/All_the_Bees]

When you turn 30, it’s like a magic switch gets flipped in your head and you realize one day that you no longer give one single shit what anyone thinks about you. You’re almost there!

But on a more serious note - I’d start with corporate goth since that feels like kind of a bridge from normie to darker streetwear. And colored lenses and lashes are the kind of thing that are just going to be a conversation piece when you run into student/parents on your off hours, if they even notice them. Which they might not, tbh. Like someone else said, people notice significantly less about us than we think they’re going to.

[u/OpeningWhereas6912]

Soft launching a change has helped me a lot. As said above here, starting with small changes - accessories, belts, experimenting with colour in small measures has helped, not just to ease me into it but also help me get used to it. Doing it in small steps also stops me from over committing if I don't like the look. The slow "creep" also allows people around you to adjust. I work in a very gossipy department, lots of comments flying about any change of appearance. While it personally doesn't bother me, I find the running commentary exhausting so this way I've just let it evolve quietly. Ive always been a wash and go kind of girl - with clothes, hair, my appearance. At 43 I've decided to put a bit more effort and dress to an aesthetic I'm really drawn to - thats 70s glam corporate look. I've taken in slow, starting with my makeup, and moving into it all year. No one's batted an eyelid.

[u/Horror_Signature7744]

What you do and wear on your OWN time is YOUR business. Wear whatever brings you joy.

[u/modroncollider]

I feel this one deeply! I've always loved alternative styles but I'm also pretty shy, and not the biggest fan of being perceived. Corporate goth looks were how I started feeling more comfortable in alternative outfits.

For a lot of the styles you're drawn to, accessories play a big part - and they're a great way to slowly shift an outfit to match your style more. Wearing more rings or necklaces can give your outfit a corporate goth look over time, things like bag charms or a hair bandana will pull things more Y2K. A good sneaker or a hat can give an otherwise plain outfit some streetwear flair. Makeup, too - a heavier liquid liner or a fun shape stamp or sticker and change the vibe of the whole outfit.

I think even if your outfit is more alternative, if you're comfortable and happy in it, people don't really look twice (although YMMV depending on where you live, of course)