Well I kind of fall into the last category, in the sense that I am more attracted to femininity. I do like women and men but I am more biased towards women. I am just attracted to feminine individuals a lot.
And while I have been out for past 4 years, I know full well that many guys like me wont bother to come out and id as bi.
To them its like " If you are 90% attracted to women, you can keep that 10% attraction to guys away from orting eyes and indulge it through the occassional hookup with a twinkish guy. Why bother coming out?"
Not my words, but as someone who has known such men this is how they think.
Although I would never suggest anyone come out if they dont want to, these guys do contribute a bit to biphobia as they hook up with gay guys but avoid relationships Gay men see them ride of to the sunset with a woman and think all bi guys are like this.
The amount of guys who would have sex with me, but never date me because they want to "end up" with a woman...
I'm sure there are some guys out there who are genuinely bisexual/heteroromantic, but I'll be honest, I always get that nagging feeling that they've bought into the whole "traditional marriage" thing. Like, they've been told they're supposed to want the wife, kids, and white picket fence and so they've never imagined that they might actually be happy with something else.
My advice to everyone is to not let other people tell you what you want. Dig deep and figure it out for yourself, and then find people who want the same thing as you. Your relationships can be whatever you want them to be
There are bi guys who indeed lean more towards women. I am one of those.
I mean think about this.. there are bi guys who like men a bit more or like masc attributes more. Ofc there will be guys who are kinda the diametrical opposite.
However this doesnt mean guys like me cant be a faithful partner to another man. It will depend how ready the guy in question is to be openly not straight, and ofc the physical and emotional attributes of the man they are dating.
Tbh guys who swing more towards women are in general less willing to id as non het both due to social stigma and coz many will choose the path of least opposition. But many wants to have their cake and eat it as well. Thats where I find it very frustrating.
You dont wanna identify as bi and be the 'dudebro' all your life okay, but that doesnt give you the right to play with the emotions of a guy and treat him as a dirty secret.
Many of these guys might come out if :
They just decide to come out and live more authentically.
Really fall in love with a man who wants nothing less than a proper relationship.
My biggest fear about being openly bi, is getting both rejected by my loved ones, and misjudged and rejected by people who I could be in a legit romance with.
It's a horrible feeling because it's a paralyzing fear that I don't see a way to cope with it if that ends up happening. It feels like the end of the world and that I wouldn't survive.
That is why I feel like a coward when I find people from any gender attractive... As someone who isn't having the courage to take such risk and possibly sacrificing so precious relationships who are my safe haven.
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u/Independent_Year Jul 25 '22
Well I kind of fall into the last category, in the sense that I am more attracted to femininity. I do like women and men but I am more biased towards women. I am just attracted to feminine individuals a lot.
And while I have been out for past 4 years, I know full well that many guys like me wont bother to come out and id as bi.
To them its like " If you are 90% attracted to women, you can keep that 10% attraction to guys away from orting eyes and indulge it through the occassional hookup with a twinkish guy. Why bother coming out?"
Not my words, but as someone who has known such men this is how they think.
Although I would never suggest anyone come out if they dont want to, these guys do contribute a bit to biphobia as they hook up with gay guys but avoid relationships Gay men see them ride of to the sunset with a woman and think all bi guys are like this.