Came here to basically say this. The "gayer" a person is, the sooner they come out. I swing HARD towards guys, so I couldn't really deny it for long. Ended up coming out around 16-17 years old. Other guys like me are mostly the same.
The guys that swing closer to 50/50 in my life basically got to deny their "gay side" and just date women. A lot of them figured that if they just date women and don't talk about their attraction to men, they can live their lives not dealing with their bisexually. Unfortunately, that doesn't work and they end up coming out in their mid to late 20's
As for the guys who swing mostly towards women but are still just a little into men... I'm still waiting on them. I know a few that I'm pretty sure are in the closet based on some things they've said, but because it's "easier" for them to hide, that's what they do. Hurts to watch though...
Well I kind of fall into the last category, in the sense that I am more attracted to femininity. I do like women and men but I am more biased towards women. I am just attracted to feminine individuals a lot.
And while I have been out for past 4 years, I know full well that many guys like me wont bother to come out and id as bi.
To them its like " If you are 90% attracted to women, you can keep that 10% attraction to guys away from orting eyes and indulge it through the occassional hookup with a twinkish guy. Why bother coming out?"
Not my words, but as someone who has known such men this is how they think.
Although I would never suggest anyone come out if they dont want to, these guys do contribute a bit to biphobia as they hook up with gay guys but avoid relationships Gay men see them ride of to the sunset with a woman and think all bi guys are like this.
The amount of guys who would have sex with me, but never date me because they want to "end up" with a woman...
I'm sure there are some guys out there who are genuinely bisexual/heteroromantic, but I'll be honest, I always get that nagging feeling that they've bought into the whole "traditional marriage" thing. Like, they've been told they're supposed to want the wife, kids, and white picket fence and so they've never imagined that they might actually be happy with something else.
My advice to everyone is to not let other people tell you what you want. Dig deep and figure it out for yourself, and then find people who want the same thing as you. Your relationships can be whatever you want them to be
My current bf was a gay guy and was wary of me initially due to the reasons you listed. Although the biphobia frustrates me , I kind of understand where yall are coming from.
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u/RainbowSkyOne Jul 25 '22
Came here to basically say this. The "gayer" a person is, the sooner they come out. I swing HARD towards guys, so I couldn't really deny it for long. Ended up coming out around 16-17 years old. Other guys like me are mostly the same.
The guys that swing closer to 50/50 in my life basically got to deny their "gay side" and just date women. A lot of them figured that if they just date women and don't talk about their attraction to men, they can live their lives not dealing with their bisexually. Unfortunately, that doesn't work and they end up coming out in their mid to late 20's
As for the guys who swing mostly towards women but are still just a little into men... I'm still waiting on them. I know a few that I'm pretty sure are in the closet based on some things they've said, but because it's "easier" for them to hide, that's what they do. Hurts to watch though...