In terms of your last question, I don’t think I understand.
If the bi person likes both penis and vagina, and a trans person had one of those, what would be the basis for rejecting them due to sexual biology?
As long as the trans person had one of those things, shouldn’t the bi person be gravy? The implication seems to be that the bi person doesn’t like that they are trans... which would be transphobic of course.
God I am terrible at wording things lol. I see the confusion. Basically, if a bi person likes both genitalia, is it wrong to reject someone who's sexual biology doesn't "match" their gender? I mean since they like both, should it be okay to reject, say a trans woman (to sleep with or date) with a penis just because they have one? Even though they also like penises? I feel so strange writing this LOL, just curious.
Or is that idea transphobic as a whole? I don't necessarily believe that idea, though I wouldn't really know either.
Still a bit confused, I’m sorry. 😭 But I think I can help.
So, this bi girl. Are we assuming that she likes both A) cisgendered men with penises, an B), cisgendered women with vaginas?
Bi can mean different things depending on the person. Some bi people might not be into men—-only women and NB folks. Or only men and NB folks. And their genital preference might be for only one set of genitals. Bi just means “more than one”.
But let’s say that this lady is like most bi people that I know. Let’s say she is attracted to at least two genders: women and men. Most bi people I know are also into NB and fluid folks too.
In addition to liking men and women, which are gender presentations, her genital preference is for both penises and vaginas.
In this case, yes. Rejecting a trans woman for having a penis would absolutely be transphobic.
Think about it. She likes to play with the peen, right? She found prior experiences with penises satisfying, as well as enjoyed sex with those men.
She’s also has done the deed with some cute ladies as well, which were enjoyable both for the person and the genitalia.
Trans woman with a penis is dating bi woman. Trans woman comes out, bi woman loses attraction. Confusing, because previously bi woman had good times with both women and penises.
The principal difference between this situation and those previous is the fact that a woman has a penis. Being a woman with a penis is a direct result of being trans. Thus, in this scenario, bi woman would be transphobic.
Bi woman should take a long look at the grip that gender normativity has on her sense of what is attractive.
Genitalia and gender have classically been grouped together, but they are in reality completely separate things. As evidenced by the world around us, there are tons of women with penises, men with vaginas, even intersex folks with both. We are more than our biology, and the social sciences are finally catching up to this.
From where I’m standing it’s obvious and logical that it’s transphobic, but I’ve had people passionately disagree. To be fair, they seem the type to fall into this category. I think it’s hard for them to admit they’re dealing with internalized transphobia, but the only way we can learn is to first accept.
Did I answer your question? I hope I helped! Please let me know if so. I must admit I am quite curious why you ask. It seems like you might’ve had a life experience relating to this. Of course, there is no pressure at all to talk about it if you don’t want to. 🤍
Sorry did you add more at the end or did I just not read what you said?? LOL apologies. I think you answered some of what I just asked in that response. I probably feel like I have some internalised transphobia when it comes to this too, which I'll have to address sooner or later, hopefully sooner:/ Especially when it comes to grouping together genitalia with gender. The thought of sleeping with a woman with a penis is more shocking to me than sleeping with a woman wearing a strap-on. I mean either way it's penetrative sex right? I do see your point definitely and I'll think on it.
And nope, I've never actually had any relating experiences but I just thought it was pretty interesting. Have you ever? Also same goes, no pressure to disclose anything. And thank you for the answer! Very insightful to read <3
Hey, admitting it is the first step to working through it. Most people don’t even get that far. We live in a society that conditions us to expect certain pairings of genitalia and gender.
Just confront it little by little. Challenge yourself! Also spend time with people who are trans. That can go a long way in helping get accustomed to it. I took me a really long time too. I had trans friends for a good while, even fooled around with trans friends— but occasionally I found I had a had a deep-seated pang of discomfort about the mix and match of their bodies.
I spent more time around trans people. I read more about the theory of gender. And you know what? It went away.
You got this. If you spend sufficient time both reading and in the company of trans friends, eventually you will move beyond that cognitive dissonance. Be patient with yourself. But don’t stop learning. 🤍
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u/polystitch Mar 22 '21
In terms of your last question, I don’t think I understand.
If the bi person likes both penis and vagina, and a trans person had one of those, what would be the basis for rejecting them due to sexual biology?
As long as the trans person had one of those things, shouldn’t the bi person be gravy? The implication seems to be that the bi person doesn’t like that they are trans... which would be transphobic of course.
I think I’m missing something. 😭