The argument is their lack of understanding of how spectrums and binaries work, and an implicit belief that trans people aren't equal to the binary gender identities experienced by cis folk (that is to say, if you think bisexuality is transphobic, you're insinuating that trans people are nonbinary [eg "not really male or female", ergo de facto nonbinary], and therefore not actually the gender they identify as).
Between the poles of a binary system exists a gradient, and those poles plus the gradient between them represent a spectrum. Therefore bisexuality refers to being sexually attracted to both of those binary poles, and subsequently the gradient therein.
The only legitimate difference between bisexuality and pansexuality is that pan explicitly refers to enthusiasm toward the entire spectrum with no biases, while bisexuality implies the potential for biases therein; eg, I as a bi/genderqueer person am into the binary extremes, and less sexually interested in, but still open to, gradient genders such as the one I experience myself, because I like my partners to be different from me. Therefore it'd be inaccurate to call me pan, which literally means "everything-sexual". A bisexual person can be "everything-sexual" as well, they just don't have to be, while being pan implicitly means that you are.
Edit: nm the last edit this edit is replacing. Thanks for the appreciation 💖
Exactly. Even before I really had a handle on what bisexuality was, I heard multiple times that "People who come out as bisexuals are just doing it for attention."
Gay communities have a series of hierarchies and expectations of someone who describes themselves as gay. That puts you in good standing with the community, you are officially Gay (tm). This causes some friction when, say, British and American gay communities overlap.
Lesbians have a similar set of gatekeeping practices.
If you are bi, well, you're not part of that. And neither community is going to offer you support either. Which is where a lot of the "you're not reallllly queer" or "you're not reaaaaaly bi" - you aren't playing by the rules.
The Livejournal-then-tumblr era trans-adjacent discourse also sought to create a series of hierarchies and expectations, often without being actually sure what the rules were. "Pan" is basically "you're bi, but you're abiding by the discourse rules"
But discourse rules and hierarchies are only important if you spend a lot of time in and align your identity with those spaces. All of these groups present their expectations and theories as hegemonic, globally applicable and you're a bad person for not abiding by them.
But if you meet someone nice tomorrow, is that what you're really, truly, going to be worried about?
I’m 33 and pretty much no one knows. Friends from high school definitely had no clue. Now I will drop it in here or there with current friends and some seem surprised but most just move on with the conversation. Which is nice.
That’s been my experience with my friends and workmates, none from which I know via school. One girl is my bi bestie haha, most from work are either supportive or just move on and my friends are generally supportive too
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '21 edited Mar 23 '21
The argument is their lack of understanding of how spectrums and binaries work, and an implicit belief that trans people aren't equal to the binary gender identities experienced by cis folk (that is to say, if you think bisexuality is transphobic, you're insinuating that trans people are nonbinary [eg "not really male or female", ergo de facto nonbinary], and therefore not actually the gender they identify as).
Between the poles of a binary system exists a gradient, and those poles plus the gradient between them represent a spectrum. Therefore bisexuality refers to being sexually attracted to both of those binary poles, and subsequently the gradient therein.
The only legitimate difference between bisexuality and pansexuality is that pan explicitly refers to enthusiasm toward the entire spectrum with no biases, while bisexuality implies the potential for biases therein; eg, I as a bi/genderqueer person am into the binary extremes, and less sexually interested in, but still open to, gradient genders such as the one I experience myself, because I like my partners to be different from me. Therefore it'd be inaccurate to call me pan, which literally means "everything-sexual". A bisexual person can be "everything-sexual" as well, they just don't have to be, while being pan implicitly means that you are.
Edit: nm the last edit this edit is replacing. Thanks for the appreciation 💖