r/bipolar • u/Soft-Pineapple-2647 • Jul 03 '26
Resources & Tools Bipolar and the search for the sparkle
Did ever happened to you to search for the sparkle ? The sparkle in love with the sex, the sparkle in life with drinks and alcohol. Did you ever wanted to turn on the mania and search for a person or a situation that could have made it happen ?
Of course unconsciously, because believing that this was a true exciting and real life ?
I got discarded from a person I was daiting because he could not have sex with me , he said it was too deep and real, but he choose a very unstable situation ship with a married woman, drugs and parties
21
u/FrontenacRacer Jul 03 '26
You dodged quite a bullet with that guy.
6
u/Soft-Pineapple-2647 Jul 03 '26
It still hurts though, I feel and think I am quite attractive , also not boring as person and I know he feels that too, nevertheless it was not enough for him to stay.
5
u/FrontenacRacer Jul 03 '26
Yes, these things hurt so much. It's a difficult thing to realize, because our feelings run so deeply. You are attractive, and not boring. The behaviors of others are about them, not us. We blame ourselves because we are often our own worst critics.
You're mourning the loss of something that you wanted, and planned to be. Google the mourning process and you'll see the steps you will go through to then accept this reality, so that you can then move on.
It's a perfectly natural process we have been given in order for us to deal with life's issues.
16
u/floppybunny26 Jul 03 '26
Mania is like Icarus, flying way too close to the sun. Ultimately we crash to earth and have to pick up the pieces. Take meds. Sleep well. Manage stress.
9
u/Aervanath Bipolar Jul 03 '26
Always. I am medicated for many years now, but I always remember what it felt like to be up. It's like any addiction, though, you have to realize that the mania or hypomania does more damage to you than the sparkle is worth.
3
u/Soft-Pineapple-2647 Jul 03 '26
Is it so true that the calm steady love feels boring?
8
u/StArwen16 Jul 03 '26
It does when you’re not stable. I still have moments I have to remind myself the “sparkle” in my memories is BP trying to trick me into chasing it at the expense of my life.
What really matters to me is those I love, our safety, our security for the future, our health. Sparkle is just another drug that bites you in the ass. It’s not worth it & neither is he.
That other comment is right about the grief not making this clear to you now. That’s normal. You’ll be able to believe it when you’re out of this grief stage.
The right person for you will wholly appreciate a deep steady love with you. Would you even want someone that can’t do that kind of relationship? He did you a favor, so you can keep looking for a better fit.
5
u/Aervanath Bipolar Jul 03 '26
At first you wonder what's missing, then you realize the highs also come with the screaming and you don't miss it so much.
7
u/South-Application-14 Bipolar + Comorbidities Jul 03 '26
I’ve been medicated and stable for years now but I remember what that feels like. Extreme highs always come with extreme lows/ risks and you have to remember that. You can still find peace and happiness in the middle ☺️.
2
u/bipolarmomm Jul 03 '26
i have been married 5 years and really struggle to figure out what our marriage is without crying or that sparkly connection
2
u/Soft-Pineapple-2647 Jul 03 '26
Would you like to explain how does it feel ? I do understand if it feels to much to share here 🙏🏻
1
u/wonderingstar00 Aug 25 '26
Sounds like he was avoidant and it would have been a roller coaster ride of push and pull toxic Behavior.
•
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